"Putting Anger in it's place"

[Melissa]

I've gone back into the archives and want to bring ANGER back to the surface for discussion.
I've noticed a lot of "anger' bubbling under the surface recent posts. This is an emotion we need to deal with and recognize. What the heck do we do with anger?


“A place for everything and everything in its place”….

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger”

Anger is a commonplace emotion, but it is tough to deal with.

The anger we feel may be reflected back at ourselves—as looking in a mirror.

I know, for myself, I became disgusted and angry at myself for my wishy-washy messages I sent my AS through my enabling and my inability to say NO and mean it.

For a long time I confused what I felt was “hurt” with anger. This became clearer to me when I worked with my sponsor to unravel my emotions and identify what I was REALLY feeling. My hurt feelings were really anger—but I didn’t want to admit anger at my son. Marinading in my anger juices only brewed resentments. And that was very unhealthy for me.

I have discovered that well-placed anger can be a GOOD thing when it is a catalyst for change.

Which brings me back to the premise of this meeting topic.

Anger has its place—and it should belong in awareness of what we are feeling and what we are going to do about it. Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

My anger came to a boiling point when my AS abused our credit card and racked up a huge bill—to the point where our bank’s fraud investigator called to notify me of suspicious activity on our account. That was the catalyst for MY change. That is when I decided it truly was time to let go and let God manage the unmanageable.

Has well-place anger caused a change in your life for the better?

Are you having a difficult time sorting out hurt from anger?

Are you stewing in anger to the point where it is becoming full-blown resentments?

Posting is therapuetic and it is a good way to bring clarity to your thoughts and emotions.

There is no time like the present to come face to face with what's simmering below the surface.

Where are YOU with dealing with anger?

[Cheryl]

There was a time that I was just consumed with anger. It was a feeling that never seemed to leave me. But one day, when I stopped focusing only on my son, I started to let go of the anger. Today I don't feel it. Even 5 or 6 weeks ago when my son told me that he had relapsed, I was taken by surprise but I had no anger. It wasn't about me. But we let go when we are ready.

Cheryl

[carpediem]

Anger was my operating system when I first got here.
It was my default emotion when things weren't going well.
It was what allowed me not to feel the stuff underneath -- like fear of my ALOs dying, like fear that I wasn't really a good person, like a lot of other icky stuff that I don't need to rehash here.

With all of the imperfection in my life with addiction, I often felt it was a) easy and b) justifiable to lash out in anger. It allowed me to protect myself by feeling superior, part of my dance with codependency that left me feeling like some sort of abused heroine.

I find, as Cheryl said so well, that a lot of what now happens around me has nothing to do with me, so it's a lot easier not to take it personally. I am still learning to change my RE-actions to things. And so often, anger is a useful sign for me to stop and pay attention to what is going on. But it isn't an excuse to bash the daylights of whomever happened to trigger it. Because for me, what triggers me often has very little to do with the person who happened to flip that switch.

My emotions are my responsibility.

[jraisbeck]

BUMP! I am sure I am not the only one who may need to read this...

[Believer]

I needed to read this it will be a keeper for me. I am a work in progress but this at times is a sticking point for me. I feel stuck between frustration and anger and then it is a long haul for me to get back to true honest acceptance and then hold onto that. Thanks for the bump,

peace Marie

[Melanie40]

Now I am usually a victim of HALT if anger rears its ugly ahead.
Other times is when I am faking something personally whEn I have no business doing so.

But it is progress. I use to be so made at the world and the "man upstairs".

Tyfs. Great post. Melanie

[Bee]

I needed this one! Visited with "Coach" at the treatment center today about my ABF... and just today was saying that I'm really struggling with my anger. I'm angry with him but furious with myself. I'm taking it slowly and examining it some because I feel I'm grieving as well and it's part of the process and I'm 12 days into this. I don't want it to consume me but I feel I need to allow it to exist so I don't suppress it. Allow it and deal with it.

Glad I logged in (traveling with work). I needed it.
THANK YOU