I know the different roles of being a wife and mother. As a "mother" you nuture, protect and provide. Especially if you are single. It is up to you, you are the boss. Make the dicisions, call the shots. Nag and boss sometimes. And at times feel like you are doing EVERYTHING. Eventually it comes to an end. They grow up and get their own lives and eventhough you might have input, it is given and they take your advice or leave it. And you pray and believe that what you put into them will take root. And they have to choose.
With a husband, well it is still a bit of nuturing. And protecting in a way like cooking good healthy meals, making a happy home. Being there and being loving. A man has to stand on his own. A husband has certain responsibilities, and when he is falling down in drugs it is difficult for the wife. I believe the core need of a man is respect, like the core need of a women is love. Still we both need love and respect, but one seems to be more important than the other to each sex. Finding that ground to stand on is a challenge. I don't want to run the show. But how can a women trust the judgement of someone that is so incased in addiction?
I know with my children there was natural consequences that I had to allow to happen. "Forgot your backpack for school?' "I am so sorry, I guess you will have to take a lower grade on that due paper." "What forgot to order lunch?" "You will be super hungry for dinner or afterschool snack." "Gee, you are gaming instead of doing your college work, wow that is too bad that you will miss out on going to the university your uncle wanted to pay for" (THAT one made me very sad.)
Sometimes as a women I know I have to be careful not to give to my husband what is mostly important to me, love and protection, because his need is more along the lines of respect and admiration. He is big and bad enough to suffer the consequences. I HAVE to let it happen. I really don't want the fall out, because it will effect me. Loss of money, loss of ??? I don't know what. I am praying to God for protection in all of this. I do know that by being a part of the Nar-Anon family, and going to my Al-Anon meetings, and going to church and taking care of myself I will make better decisions. I want to do the right thing.
"God causes all things to work together for good"