Some of you are aware that I have been going through a divorce....for the past 20 months or so. It was not my choice, yet, I was not in control. I wanted to change so many things...the man I married for one (
). I had to use every tool I learned in this program to keep moving forward. Many days, I was stagnant; some I was just plain despondant; others I was hopeful; others I just worked to stay sane. If not for this program, and the wonderful folks in it, I would have gone to the dark side once again for sure. Today my divorce is officially final. It is a bittersweet day at best. I am truly relieved that this part of my journey is over...even if there are many things to be tied up yet. I am tired...it has been a long and emotionally draining experience. I am sad...a HUGE part of my life (like 40 years
) us over. I am a bit scrared...as they say...life as I knew it is over. Although, that really happened almost two years ago. Yet, it is not over until it is over. It is over. I have to move on....I have the chance to move on and change...and I not know exactly what my life will look like. And that is ok...because I have all of you to lean on and hold my hand. I never thought I would have to redefine myself and my life at this point. It just is what it is. Just for today....I am grateful it is over; I am grateful it worked out as well as could be expected; I am grateful I have so many program friends....I am grateful for anyone who reads this.
I really do know the horrific impact of loving an addict. I do...up close and personal. I live it daily...if he is clean, relapsing, or in recovery. This program has given me the ability to live life on life's terms...and sometimes I really hate the terms. I just know now that I cannot change some things....most things...I can only change and control me. That is a gift. I am grateful. My HP has me exactly where I am meant to be...if I understand it or not. I have learned that I do not have to understand everything...some I just need to accept.
I will now put my feet up...and crochet!
Love you all for bearing with me through this process,