Painful

[kathyf]

My daughter just called me while I'm at work:

"Can I come over right now and get the rest of my stuff?"

"Ok. I suppose."

"Ok bye, love you." Click

Very hard. For me. When I come home her room will be empty, other than all the crap she will leave strewn all over.

It sucks.

Trying to hold it together while I'm at work

And I'm know I'm powerless over all of this but it sure does hurt.

Kathy

[Believer]

Oh Kathy You are so right powerlessness does not equal painless. As you have already learned we do find the best way we can to deal with it. You have worked your program diligently and have accepted so much of life on life's terms. I know this is so painful for you, you will feel what you feel. Just remember you do not have to do it alone. We are here for you , glad you know where to come as I have learned we are all stronger together. I am praying you get some much needed peace and the next crisis does not come to soon, This hurts I get it!



hugs and prayers
Marie

[river rock]

Hugs to you !!! Biggie size ones!
These are the times we have to work
our program that are the hardest. All
we can do is let them know we love them
and are there when they are ready.
You are her mother, she wont quit loving you.
Love River rock

[kathyf]

Then she calls me to say:

"Can I take the curtains?"

I'm sorry, but that is over the top. Hell no, you're not taking the curtains. Create your own room at your new house.

I called her and told her that the next time she wants to make arrangements like that, she needs to plan it in advance with me. I also told her that I found this to be very hurtful and difficult for me and while I am doing the best I can, it is disruptive to me while I'm at work.

Then I spent the next 20 minutes correcting the errors I made on the paychecks I was working on.

Kathy

[kathyf]

Oh, I didn't say hell no you can't take the curtains. Those were my internal feelings.

I simply said no. The room is still a bedroom and it is going to remain that way. I then suggested her dad buy her new curtains to decorate her new room.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! This crap is all so hard.

Kathy

[jpaetz3]

Hang in there. So hard. Good to tell her to plan ahead and not call you at work. Prayers for you.

[Gerilyn]

Is it possible she is also calling to make sure she is in touch with you? I know when my daughter and I have "words" she will text or call to tell me something insignificant, just to be in touch. Just a thought.

I can only offer you cyber hugs and let you know that you always have hope that in time she'll mature a little and want to spend more and more time with you. Perhaps not living with you might make her appreciate you more. For now, keep working your program and stay positive. You are doing great.
Love and hugs,
Gerilyn

[jjabc]

I wish I was there to give you big ole back crushing hug. I went from almost tears for you to laughter when I read what you said about all the crap stuff strewn all over. Why do they do that? My daughter has done that every time she has ever moved out. The last time she moved back home I wanted to charge her a deposit like they do in apartments so that if the room isn't left to my liking I could keep it.
Also, when my daughter moves out, I notice stuff gone from all over the house: pots, pans, laundry baskets, food, my towels, etc.
What is it about kids that think they have a right to everything we own. Is there some law about community property and children that I don't know about.
Sorry Kathy, I know you are hurting but thought you could use a laugh too.
Call me if you too.
Jay

[meg]

I am sorry Kathy...hope it wasn't too bad when you got home. I spend so much time wishing my kids would move out...I didn't think of the other side of it. Maybe when things calm down you guys can start spending time together and have some good quality time you can build on. Just because she is out of your house, you'll always be her momma and she will always love you. hang in there.

[pabrown]

(((HUGS)))...dang I wish I had something to ease your pain, it does suck.
Every time my son "moved"out he took everything that wasn't nailed down
and then some. I always found myself taking inventory of MY belongings
after each move. But its just stuff and the hurt remains.

She did say "love you", can't take that away. The bond is always
there, even when it hurts.

Love you much
Patsy

[Melissa]

Ohhh Kathy. This is just more salt in the wound, isnt it? I'm sorry--that seems so inadequate--but I am really sorry for all the painful transitions in your life right now.

When our children try to find their way, the "me first" attitude kicks into high gear and parents can get bruised in the process. I understand. I truly do. Even non-addicts can do some bruising. I have wounds to share with you.

I wish we lived several 1000 miles closer. I'd love to sit and visit over a good cup of coffee--your state or mine.


(((Big Hugs)))

[Cheryl]

Dear Kathy,

Call Jay and ask her to remind you as to why God made the teenage years!

Growing up, my mom was a very strong woman .... to which I rebelled. And I can remember telling her once that I needed time away from her in order to become my own person. Miraculously, she understood and gave me that time. I don't think that I ever loved or respected her more than when she was able to do that for me. As hard as this is for you right now, your daughter is "individuating" .... it's normal, she has to become her own person. Not that I would let them go, but maybe she wanted her curtains in order to take her sense of "home" with her. You will always "home" to your daughter .... she just has to find that for herself.

Now, can I join you and Melissa for a cup of coffee? I'm ready to travel!

Cheryl

[cyndyava]

Sounds so painful. I am sorry. I hope you know you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Your post reminded me of the fact that we have no control over the choices of our alo's. They do what they want, no matter how we feel about it. You have provided a great example for me today. I have such a difficult time with feeling lack of control. From what I can see from your postings about your daughter moving out, you have handled this with grace and dignity. I am inspired to handle situations I am facing this way. Sometimes it is so hard not to have the emotional outburts I feel I'm containing inside as a result of my exabf's actions and behavior. I long to be that woman of grace and dignity. I know how much control and restraint it takes and that it is not easy. I admire you. Big hugs from me to you today, Cyndy

[lucky43]

Hey hey Ms. Kathy. So it's Thursday afternoon now. I hope things are better for you today? I didn't come on line yesterday or until now. Sometimes I need to stay away because it tends to make me sad to read some of the stuff we are all going through. But, we are going throug it together, are we not?
I hope you had a good evening inspite of it all.

As I told you, I was a very rebellious teenager playing divorced parents against each other all the time. I hated my stepfather and missed my father so much sometimes it hurt. But now when I look back, I wonder why? No one did anything to me. I just made some rather stupid teenage choices that bumped me around a little for a couple of years and then came to my senses. My mother really did love me! Poor thing, I'm surpised she survived me and I wasn't addicted to anything!

Anyway, here comes a big (((HUG))) from across the nation, hope it feels warm and fuzzy like it went out.

Genny