2cutekids wrote:If there is one thing I have definitely learned in this program is that all the yelling and threatening is not going to stop him from using!
Great realization! Accepting powerlessness was such an important first step for me. I saw that all of the pleading, screaming, crying, begging was not changing my husband. I couldn't make him stop.
It took a lot of energy to try to stop him -- the snooping, obsessing and emotional outbursts were simply exhausting.
Like you, I realized that I wasn't going to stop him from using.
I had to change. I had to stop spending my energy like that. I had to take back my life and put energy and time into going to meetings, reading the literature, taking care of myself, doing fun things with friends and family.
It didn't happen over night. It was hard to see the results of my efforts for some time.
'Let it begin with me' is my favorite slogan. It is so empowering. I don't have to put my happiness in anyone else's hands. I take the reigns.
Another important one is 'easy does it'. It takes time to change and it is not easy. I made many mistakes along the way, said many things I wish I didn't say but I have learned that I have to forgive myself, pick myself up and dust myself off.