With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.
Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.
I was just upstairs and was drawn to my daughters room, which I have avoided since she went to jail the other day. As soon as I walked in and smelled her ...i dropped on her bed and began sobbing. I was smelling her pillow...and sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. And then it hit me...i am laying here sobbing like she has died. I thought about all the people ive read about on this forum who have lost their children to this addiction, and realized they would love to be in my shoes. They would welcome the opportunity to have their child in jail...getting another chance at life. I realized how lucky i am considering her level of use the last year. Im damn lucky she is alive. I shot up out of that bed, and told myself to STOP.
For all of you that have lost your children, I am so very sorry. Please know you help us all gain perspective. I know that does not bring your children back, but your sharing your stories does really help and for you i am so grateful.
Im still so very sad, and still struggling like crazy, and not making a promise that this wont happen again many times over.
But i got a big dose of gratitude.
All of you that have lost children are heavy on my heart today.
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- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:00 pm
I was thinking about you. Thank you for sharing.
- Posts: 375
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:29 pm
Drachelle. Now that's the way to work your program. Kudos to you!
It isn't easy, but at some point, all of us have been where you are or close to it. Keep you daughter near to your heart and let her HP take care of her now.
"I pray that the first five minutes of each of my days to be good, peaceful and meditative."
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- Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:10 am
- Location: Northern Virginia
That is one of the most BEAUTIFUL posts I've seen on this subject.
What a way to turn tears & sorrow into something so healing - Gratitude.
Close the door on the room.
Get a friend or family member to help you open the door another day.
In the meantime, write that Gratitude List every day.
These things helped me walk through those dark days.
Love you my new little sister!
In loving memory for those who walk the toughest road.
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- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:52 am
- Location: KS
Oh, yes, I've been there. I laid on my daughter's bed with her favorite stuffed animal in my arms and cried till there were no more tears. And I gave myself the same speech you did. It did help. Just one small baby step at a time. You are entitled to your feelings. This program, in my opinion, helps us so that we don't wallow away in the negative feelings so much that we can't function in our daily lives. Just keep picturing your HP's arms around you and your precious daughter's HP's arms around her. "One day at a time"
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- Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:29 pm
im trying so hard...
i have such a long long way to go.
i need to be able to learn to function through all this..
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:00 pm
I've been there too .... life on life's terms is hard to accept. but there is recovery .... my 21 year old son who spent time in jail for his addiction is now a wonderful person in his second year of recovery, JFT. Hold onto hope, because recovery does happen. When my son was in jail and then in treatment for a number of months, I took the time to work on me, to grieve for what I had wanted his life to like, to just let go and trust my higher power.
Recovery can and does happen.
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- Joined: Sat May 28, 2011 1:31 am
I understand what you're saying. Just a week ago, we cleaned out my AS's bedroom. I loved going in there because it smelled like his cologne, and I could close my eyes and feel him with me, before addiction, when he'd walk in and say "Hi Mom!"...but things have changed, and we cleaned and repainted his room...it's no longer his, and it's no longer a place where I can go to think about him...
I would go in there, and feel such sadness over all that has happened to him and to us; then I'd think about his best friend, who lost his life to heroin addiction a couple of years back, and how his parents must be feeling...and I'd feel such gratitude that somehow, in spite of all that has happened, my son is still here.
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- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:21 pm
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