Struggling to Let Go of an Image

[cyndyava]

I did get an email back from my daughter's father concerning the new visitation schedule, which will now take place every other week for the usual 1 and change hour at the diner.

At first he wrote back, "So I've been downgraded?" and other snarky comments which after consulting with my sponsor, I decided not to respond to.

Last night I received a one sentence response. "Once every other week, that's fine."

I wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously. Those who know me here, no how long I've struggled with this. The fear that I felt and the anxieties about these visits was something that has plagued me since I found this forum and recovery.

And all it was that I was afraid of was the little itty-bitty line..."Once every other week, that's fine."

I can't say that I was "Jim Dandy" with this. I did call my sponsor and let out some emotions.

There are many associated with this response. Yes, it is fine with him...that this is what his relationship is with his child right now? Hmmmm. I won't go there. I won't.

The reason I share this is because I was terrified of this "beast" for so long...for making changes to the schedule and other changes that have needed to happen regarding this visitation...for setting this on MY terms. After all, that is what the court decided was in my daughter's best interest. And I never wanted to take those reigns. I didn't want the responsibility. And I see now, that it really is my responsibility to keep her safe...to advocate for her...to protect her.

And to think that all along, there was truly nothing to fear, really.

I am tempted to say, why didn't I do this sooner??? WHY? But I know I had to come to it and figure it out in my own time.

Thanks for letting me share.

Love and hugs, Cyndy

[DianeB]

The good life was there for me when I let go of
the fantasy and accepted reality.

It was there for me when I began to love and respect
myself and listen to my needs.

It was there for me when I stopped reacting and listened
to my choices.

It was there for me in peace and serenity. I got it when I
was ready to commit myself to making this my good life.
That took time and some painstaking step work. You too!

Hugs...

[Believer]

Oh Cyndy, I am so proud and so happy for you. You changed what you could, I am so glad you did not let fear derail you and just walked in courage to do what needed to be done.
I am so thrilled that it was received well I know not always the case but it is nice when it works out that way. Lady you have grown in leaps and bounds. Grateful to walk this path with you.

peace girl
marie

[evergrowing]

I have found that even though the 'norm' is uncomfortable, changing it initially is even more uncomfortable. Why is change so scary? I wonder. I feel so comfortable in the role of 'victim' that I find myself tempted to go back into it all of the time. There is a lot of unlearning going on for me. It is amazing to see your program working for you Cyndy. You are an amazing mamma!

[river rock]

Praise God !!! All the times I told you there was nothing
to fear !!!! How many times Ive said what are you afraid of ?
Oh Cyndy !!! I am so grateful you have come to this all on your
own, this is a perfect example of your HP's plan for your life.
you are working it hard. trust. let go., one day at a time.
love you
river rock

[rxgirl]

Because you werent ready cindy thats why you didnt do it sooner. You are so much stronger.. Keep working.. love vickie

[Lyra]

You did it when you were ready and you made something happen. Thats worth celebrating. Go you:) Way to work the program!

[Melissa]

Way to Go Cyndy! You had a lightbulb moment!


Love you (((hugs)))

[carpediem]

Funny you should wonder, "why didn't I do it sooner?" I have those moments too. I look back, though, and I see that as I have been able to dial down the fear, listen for my own intuition, become more trusting of my own choices, and more in tune with my HP, I become ready to take the next step, and the next. When I look back at where I was two years ago, I was a total mess. I wrote cogently enough, for sure, but the memories that my writings bring back show me just how confused and lost I was. I think what happened with the demise of my marriage and the beginning of my program was basically like a full renovation of a house, that started with the basement. The foundation really needed some work. That stuff isn't necessarily glamorous and it isn't necessarily visible, but without the solid basis to operate from, I had nothing. You've done your foundation work, and now you're moving upstairs. The old you wasn't ready to do the stuff the new you can do now. I'm really, really impressed. Good for you, Cyndy.

[Cheryl]

Dear Cyndy,

Wouldn't it be great if there were little bells or alarms that would chime when it's time to move from place to the next? But, it doesn't happen that way .... recovery is one day at a time. We get to each juncture of this journey as we get there. To me, recovery occurs in waves .... I go along at status quo, and then all of sudden, something in the tide changes which takes me to that next place, something I did know before I now know. It's the wonderful part of this journey, we can keep learning and recovering. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you.

Cheryl

[Melanie40]

I reealized I spent a long time holding on to an image that was not really mine to have........
I had a mistaken sense of obigation.....

I wanted my kids happy.
I wanted them to have a great "normal" relationship with their dad.
I wanted them not to resent me for the choices I have to make.

I found that it was unrealistic. It made my life unmanageable.

My kids have to find their own happiness.
My kids are not alone. Other kids have parents that struggle, make mistakes.
I did the best I could at the time.

I am aware of my mistaken sense of images and expectations. I have patience to learn to let go. It is a struggle that has brought me serenity.

Melanie

[pjprincess]

Cyndy...I'm really happy for you...way to go....see, you are much stronger and able than you give yourself credit for...what a wonderful freeing feeling,huh? congrats and keeping working it...you are shining,girl!!!! woo hoo