Long time

[islandtime117]

I am so sorry for everyone who is suffering. It makes me so sorry to hear how many of you have been affected in an unfair way. I grieve for you and with you. For so many the pain runs so deep and is so unbearable, I can only send love and support for nothing can replace what has been lost.

I will say this. My journey is now going on 9 years and only recently have I been able to grasp what was told to me in ALANON, NARANON and therapy, and I have been involved now since 2005. So, my grieving has subsided, although still not gone, it has become manageable. I too grieved for the loss of our family, and of course my marriage to someone who at one time was all I ever wanted. I grieved for my kids who are still struggling with all this. I grieved for me as I watched her do stupid things and say cruel things to me all the while wondering how she could do that. Now I understand, I can see light at the end of the tunnel for the first time and know someday I will move on from all this and find someone who will not do these things. Finally, being able to let her go and let her do what ever she damn well pleases with who ever.

The love of my life "died" plain and simple. Trying to get back what she was or we had is no different than standing over someones grave and asking them to come back out. So, we are all at different places in this and I want you to know that no matter where you are you are always moving forward even if you do not feel it. When I look at me five years ago I was so much different than I am now. 5 YEARS AGO:(I was running around trying to fix her! What is she doing, who is she with, why does she not want me??, why can't she see these pills are killing her,) Now, I am taking care of me and my 3 girls, the house is quiet and in order, there is structure, peace. For that I have to be strong. I don't want a repeat of their addict mother with them! Grieving was not avoidable, that would have been nice, but it's not reality. I remember asking myself why do I have to go through this. It's because we just do. But, there is hope and although it may never end it will get better. God bless all of you!

[dtosh]

I am glad to hear you are coping with the loss that addiction brings. We all grieve for those losses along the way and each one hurts. Addiction just sucks, but it is possible to get a life back and you seem to have done that. I hope the best for you and your daughters.

[river rock]

Thank you for your story. So happy in the amount
you have grown. Those are 3 lucky little girls
to have a dad who cares so much for them.
We all have each other here.
Love river rock