My grandchildren's mother is dead.

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

User avatar
Ronni
Posts: 901
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2014 9:47 am
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
option_firstname: Ronni

My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Ronni » Sun Dec 24, 2017 9:06 am

I’m still in shock. Those poor, bereft children. Their Stepdad who they loved suicided 2 years ago.

We don’t know if she overdosed, suicided, or passed from natural causes resulting from compromised organs as a result of her continued drug use.

Before this happened, we had planned our yearly Christmas get together with them and their Dad/my RAS, their Uncles and Aunt (my children) and the various cousins. They had been so excited, as they are every year, for this time, when they get loved on and get lots of presents and get to experience a normal that they didn't often get at home, with their addicted mother (who was semi functional) and her live-in boyfriend. At first I cancelled, not expecting anyone have the spirit for it. But then my granddaughters just really really wanted to be with us, and their other grandmother, I’m sure you can imagine, is devastated, so I offered to have everyone over and give them as much normal as we could, and now they’re spending the night. Their step sister came along too. She is no actual relation to me though I've always treated her as one of mine because she's the sister of the grandkids, and I wanted her to be with her sisters if that's what she wanted. They are all very, very close. And yes, she didn't want to be separated from them, so with everyone's blessing, I took them home with me.

Thank God for my children who pulled together in spite of their own grief and made a wonderful Christmas celebration for all the girls. My RAS, their Dad, has been magnificent ... 100 % there for all the girls, even the step sister who took to him immediately. He made them laugh, he hugged them, listened, brought them out of themselves when they needed to refocus...I was relieved to be able to share with him..with all my kids really but her bore the brunt of it...what felt like an enormous emotional burden as I tried to be there for them all, and the other Grandma too, and her family, who lost a daughter/sister/stepdaughter/aunt. and all of whom completely fell apart.

The girls were piled up on the living room couches watching tv well into the night. They get to do, and have, whatever they want right now. I slept in the recliner most of the night, trying not to hover, but wanting to be close.

Their Dad/my RAS began his recovery three years ago, jft. He has very slowly made his way back into his children's lives, worked hard to regain their trust, and their mother's trust who forbade him to see them for the longest time. My relationship with my Higher Power is a complicated one for me, but yet I feel that Hand at work, and I thank God that if this had to happen, the timing was impeccable....my son was able to be there for his children in a way that would have been impossible if this had happened before now. He would have been alienated from them, they wouldn't have wanted him anywhere around, he would have been completely shut out in his own grief and loss, and unable to do anything for those children. As it was, he was able to step all the way up and in, and be there for them in his Dad role, consoling them in a way that no one else could. Thank God for him.

I don’t know what this day will bring. One step at a time.
My son's addiction is something that happened TO HIM. It is NOT something he did TO ME.

DeanW
Posts: 1586
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:58 am
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by DeanW » Sun Dec 24, 2017 9:21 am

I am so sorry. Really awful for those children.

But, so glad your son is able to be there mentally and emotionally. It will make all the difference for the kids. Timing, wow...you're so right.

I survived an awful tragedy involving my father when I was 10. The resilience of children always amazes me. In my case, my mind only allowed bits and pieces in as I absorbed it all. The kids wanting to be together, watching tv, "normal" - is good.

In awe of your son. God bless all of you as you go through this time. Hugs...

Ma1954
Posts: 208
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Ma1954 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 9:47 am

I'm so sorry. God bless you and your family in this time of loss. I'm glad that all of you are together. God bless your son and grandkids most of all. Peace be with you! Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

User avatar
vscook
Posts: 578
Joined: Fri Jun 02, 2017 4:52 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
option_firstname: Vicki

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by vscook » Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:29 am

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandchildren's mother. Thank God you and your RAS are able to step in and help them at this time. It is so hard losing a parent at a young age. Holding you all in my heart.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

User avatar
belkar1
Posts: 897
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:11 pm
option_firstname: Carmen

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by belkar1 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:42 am

Know we are holding you close to our hearts. We are here, no words.

You have the ability to reach out, that shows so much courage.

Love, cuddle, be present for your grandbabies. We are here to love you.

Love
Belkar

Claytonmomof2
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:01 pm
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:48 am

Prayers for you and your family during this time. How great is it that your son is able to fully be present for the children during this difficult time. Such a blessing!

MarieW
Posts: 2439
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by MarieW » Sun Dec 24, 2017 11:43 am

I am so sorry for your family's loss. Hug those girls close tonight. You and they are in our prayers.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

User avatar
endoftheroad
Posts: 1494
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:19 pm
Location: California
option_firstname: Susan

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by endoftheroad » Sun Dec 24, 2017 1:16 pm

Prayers for you and your son and the girls. Be guided by your heart. Peace. ox Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

User avatar
MATT'S MOM
Posts: 1181
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2013 5:01 pm
option_firstname: Sue

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by MATT'S MOM » Sun Dec 24, 2017 2:02 pm

praying for all of you. Death no matter when or how is very hard on families, -- sometimes harder at holidays, but always hard. Holding you close.

Sue

roadrunner
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2015 12:39 pm
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by roadrunner » Sun Dec 24, 2017 4:12 pm

So so sorry - words cannot express what I'm feeling - My prayers are with you all. Paula

User avatar
Jade11
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:58 pm
Location: Midwest
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Jade11 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 4:17 pm

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Prayers for all of you during this time.

Blue Sky
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:21 pm
option_firstname:

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Blue Sky » Sun Dec 24, 2017 7:13 pm

I am so sorry for all of you. I am praying for healing and peace. love to you.

Suejan
Posts: 83
Joined: Sun May 17, 2015 11:53 pm
Location: BC Canada
option_firstname: Susan

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Suejan » Mon Dec 25, 2017 3:28 am

Oh Ronnie, Im so sorry for your grandkids loss. It is so good they have you, their other grandma, and their Father around to support them, but its just so sad for them, and it always just sucks when a tragedy is tied to a Holiday- the holiday is never the same again. Praying for them, their Mom and all of you
Susan

User avatar
Raina
Posts: 162
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2015 11:37 am
Location: Northeast US
option_firstname: Renee

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by Raina » Mon Dec 25, 2017 8:18 pm

So sorry for the family's devastating loss at this time. The children are blessed to have you and their dad in their lives.
-Renee
Image
You are Braver than you Believe, Stronger than you Seem, & Smarter than you Think.
-Christopher Robin

User avatar
slm219
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:00 pm
Location: Pennsylvania
option_firstname: Sharon

Re: My grandchildren's mother is dead.

Post by slm219 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:51 pm

Ronni,
I am so sorry for your family's loss. The worst any family has to go thru.
Prayers for you all.
Hugs,
Sharon
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests