At Least My Last Words were "I love you"

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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MissMadMaddox
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At Least My Last Words were "I love you"

Post by MissMadMaddox » Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:48 am

Make no mistake. No matter what I say here, my father had a heart of gold. He was a good man, who always thought of other people. He was warm, kind, intelligent and thoughtful. He made bad choices, but my father was a good man. I lost my dad in August, and it has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am very confused. My dad didn't die of an overdose. He died because he had a lot of health issues, but made getting high his number one priority, and died of diabetic ketoacidosis. When it occurred, his junkie friends lived in the house with him. They were high. They let him die. They let my dad die because they didn't want to get caught. My family and I couldn't save him. I blame myself for that everyday. It started with abusing his pain medication, My dad was in physical pain on a daily basis. He had a prescribed medication, and had taken it for years. It wasn't doing its job, so he moved on to much heavier drugs from there. He had had issues with his health before. He had almost died from his diabetes, multiple times. He had issues with drugs before. He had caused a house fire with me and my brother in it, sat in the closed garage with the car on. He would stand in our house, high off of his ass, and fall over, landing on our glass coffee table a shattering it, falling down the stairs. Hurting himself, and not caring. The more time went on, the less he cared. He brought around dangerous people. The people you can look in the eye, and tell that they don't care about anyone or anything, and will do anything for their next hit, including hurt you. Their was one man I will never forget. He was around for two years, and my dad idolized him. I never understood why. To me he was a dangerous convict, who lived in his car, stole from everyone in the neighborhood, and was a goonish debt collector for a drug lord. But that's why he was idolized. I didn't want to see what was going on when it first started. My dad admitted he was abusing his pain meds, and claimed to quit doing that, but that's because he had a hook-up. My dad had convinced me though, that his new friend was just a great helper, and when my dad was in pain, his friend could fix objects, and run around for him. He was nothing but a thief, a liar, and a dangerous man. The longer my fathers friend stayed, the more friends my father got. The more friends he got, the more my family and I were in danger. I never slept, I stole weapons and hid on my room, and was always ready to fight if I needed to. That gets tiring. We left. He died.

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MissingHim2016
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Re: At Least My Last Words were "I love you"

Post by MissingHim2016 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:53 pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

MarieW
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Re: At Least My Last Words were "I love you"

Post by MarieW » Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:49 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Except for the fact that my husband is now living in a board and care home as a result of his health issues, and so the staff manages his medication, his story could be your Dad's.

You said:
My family and I couldn't save him. I blame myself for that everyday.
The first thing I leaned here was:

I did not cause this.
I cannot cure this.
I cannot control this.

Addiction is an insidious disease that affects the whole family. Even though you have lost your parent, I hope you will stick around and learn more about our program.

Hugs, Marie
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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vscook
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Re: At Least My Last Words were "I love you"

Post by vscook » Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:48 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband was an alcoholic. We separated after 19 years of marriage, but never divorced. He passed away five years ago this month from alcohol-related causes. Neither my daughter or I were with him when he passed - he was alone at home. I had talked to him by phone just days before. He had taken a fall and wasn't able to buy food for his dog. So we went to the store, and my daughter ran it in. I asked her how he was, and she said he seemed fine. Three days later, he was gone. It's so hard losing a addicted loved one. My heart goes out to you. (Hugs)
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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