One child molests her sibling.

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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wish1ng
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Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:05 pm
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One child molests her sibling.

Post by wish1ng » Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:27 pm

I don't know if this is the right group for me. Six years ago our then 18 year old daughter told us that she was abused and molested by her older sister when they were children for about a four to five year period. Six years and a lot of heartache later our victim daughter now lives with her boyfriend in Scotland, and our oldest daughter is estranged from us, couch surfing and dog walking. She is "on the spectrum" and wants nothing to do with us. I still pay for her phone, even though the rest of the family strongly prefers I do not (it has been a point of contention with my husband, youngest daughter, and the victim daughter). We give her no other support, and she refuses to enter a state program that might give her a better income. She lived in a shelter for two years. My victim daughter prefers to have as little to do with me as possible because she feels I did not support her enough by cutting off all connections from her abuser, and I think she may be right. While she will talk to us, my victim daughter also refuses to touch either me or my husband. The whole family goes to their various therapists. My husband feels the despair the deepest and derives no joy from any activity. To make things better in my relationships with my other two daughters and my husband, I'm going to have to cut off the phone service to my oldest daughter, the one who molested her sister. Is it the right thing to do? Where else can I go to talk with parents who have found out that one child abused/molested another? It's very different from finding out an outside source touched one of your children. We grieve to this day.

MarieW
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Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
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Re: One child molests her sibling.

Post by MarieW » Sat Nov 11, 2017 6:59 pm

I am so sorry for what your family is going through. This Forum is for families of drug addicts. It doesn't sound like that is an issue in your family. You might ask your therapist if they know of a 12 step program for trauma survivors. I have found the 12 steps helpful in many aspects of my life, not just in dealing with my addicted loved ones.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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