Grieving the loss of my Neice

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Grieving the loss of my Neice

Post by Herefordzone » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:43 pm

I am reaching out because I just lost my 26 year old niece to addiction and I don't know what else to do but share my feelings. We got a call from the ER stating that my niece was brought in the day before and was on life support and showed no signs of brain activity. My sister and I rushed down to see her and the feeling that came over us was devastating. She had been clean for 6 months and was excited to live her life. Unfortunately she was with a man who wanted her to stay in that life because he was still struggling with his own addiction.

As I was overcome with the horrific pain of the reality of what has happened , I held my nieces hand and just sat with her for hours crying uncontrollably, at that moment I realized how powerful drug addiction is and how powerless my niece was over this disease. I was overwhelmed with it all and I decided I should reach out to my ex boyfriend to see how he was doing since I separated from him 7 months ago because of his addiction, I cut off all contact with him about 2 months ago for my own healing. During this difficult time I thought I should reach out to him to let him know he was in my thoughts and to make sure he was doing ok, what I recieved in return was ignorance , his comments were hurtful as his response to me telling him my niece was in ICU was " let me guess dope" I just couldn't believe what he was saying and decided perhaps me letting him know that I was also worried about addiction taking his life was the wrong thing for me to do. It was just a reality check that I can't continue to try and convince him to get help before it's too late. He showed absolutely no compassion for the loss of my niece.

I have never lost anyone due to addiction and this is a pain that I will carry with me forever. I could use some guidance on how to accept this reality and move forward because going to her memorial service last Saturday was the hardest thing ive ever done and I just don't know how to get control of my emotions right now.

Thanks for listening.

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Re: Grieving the loss of my Neice

Post by Angelikoula » Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:52 pm

My thoughts are with you and your family .. My 18 year old daughter died of an opioid overdose on November 7th, 2016.

It's been 9 months and the grief and anguish and gutteral pain is like nothing I've ever experienced.
I've immersed myself in grief counseling - I've been to 3 different grief groups and see a therapist.
The pain is always there. Always. And it will be there forever.

Check out a group called Grief Recovery After A Substance Passing
There are literally thousands of people going through the same thing in North America .. it helps to connect with others feeling the same emotions.
GRASP has a FB group that is growing every day - there are over 6000 members now on their FB group page and it's not letting up.
Some of the stories are incredibly brutal to read, but they are familiar and it helps to know you're not alone. They have local chapters with meetings as well that you can attend.

Lastly take very good care of your sister. Be there for her.
As much as you are hurting she is hurting even more.


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Re: Grieving the loss of my Neice

Post by vscook » Wed Aug 09, 2017 9:12 am

I'm so sorry the loss of your niece. Grieving is a very personal process. It took several years before I felt "normal" again after the death of my husband. One of the best things you can do for yourself is find a therapist or support group to help you through the process. Give yourself time - you will good days and bad days, but eventually the good days will outnumber the bad. Wishing you peace.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: Grieving the loss of my Neice

Post by marieno » Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:34 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my precious 20 year old nephew Charlie on July 9, 2017 from a heroin/benzo overdose. It's really hard getting through the grief. I need to be there for my sister as her heart is so broken and yet I'm also grieving for him every day. I just let myself feel the pain and let the tears come and then ask God for his help with this. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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