272 days

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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272 days

Post by Angelikoula » Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:32 pm

272 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes and 37 seconds ..

9 months.
People keep telling me that I have to just close my eyes and remember everything beautiful about you and to remember that you brought me happiness and that in that moment the darkness will fill with light. That I need to think of you in a better place where there is no more suffering or pain and that I have to continue to look forward. Breathing in the sadness and letting it all go on the exhale.
If only it were that easy.
People need to leave me alone because they have no clue how excruciating this pain is... closing my eyes and remembering you doesn't help.
The truth is that nothing helps and "time won't heal" nor "will it make things better." If you haven't had to live life or love someone with substance use illness, then people shouldn't feel the right to say anything.

My problem is that I still haven't figured nay of this out yet. I was too busy doing all the wrong things with my daughters illness that now that she's dead, I am proverbially screwed. I don't want to close my eyes to remember you .. I want you here. I want you alive. I want to sit and watch The Bachelorette finale with you and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.. that's what I want. I wish this was all some big giant mistake. That's what I wish..

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Re: 272 days

Post by 4me » Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:51 pm


More hugs,


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Re: 272 days

Post by vscook » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:48 pm

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: 272 days

Post by KBev » Mon Aug 07, 2017 8:07 pm

Hugs and prayers. Tears for your pain and suffering.


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Re: 272 days

Post by jac » Mon Aug 07, 2017 8:08 pm

I cannot even imagine what you are feeling and going through.

I'm sorry.....

With love and hugs,
"You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." - Henri Nouwen

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Re: 272 days

Post by flash » Mon Aug 07, 2017 9:28 pm

Prayers for moments of peace among the excruciating pain.
You're right - those who have not endured the pain of losing a child could not imagine your loss.
Those who do not love an addict couldn't understand the pain of looking at them and not seeing them.
Please know that we respect your pain and we respect that you need to feel it and not conform to any should's.
May you feel the love and light of those around you.
Love, Donna

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Re: 272 days

Post by slm219 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 2:10 pm

Angela....think of you often...

I understand that most people do not know what it is like and rarely say the right thing as if there were a right thing to say.
As another has mentioned I too respect your pain and just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug.
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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Re: 272 days

Post by Refuguio » Wed Aug 09, 2017 10:44 pm

I am terrible sorry for your loss. You just made me feel so humble. Please receive a virtual hug.

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Re: 272 days

Post by lumina » Thu Aug 10, 2017 10:23 am

Sending you loving kindness and heartfelt compassion. I will dedicate my yoga practice to you & your daughter today. May your spirit be lifted♡ Becky

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Re: 272 days

Post by ktoews » Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:01 pm

Angelikoula - I am so very, very sorry. I remember the day you announced your poor daughter's death - where I was and how I reacted - I was and remain scared and sorry for your loss. I stopped coming by the site nearly as much on that day out of fear for the same outcome for my addicted son.....selfish for me, I realize.

Admittedly, I have been nurturing self-pity the last couple of days, and this is a wake-up call for me.

Please know I care and it is my sincere hope that you may find a small corner of peace......
love kim

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