237 days

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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237 days

Post by Angelikoula » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:25 am

In 237 days since my daughter died of an accidental fentanyl overdose I have not had a dream of her or one that I remembered anyway..

Last night I finally got my dream and it was intense.

I dreamt that she was alive. That her death had been a big mistake and that she had been in some kind of rehab witness protection plan and she was alive and well and clean.

I woke up soooo happy as I slowly remembered the dream. I could distinctly remember her smell and the warmth of her hug and the tears on my face and the sound of her laughter and just the sheer joy of her being alive, but then reality took over and I realized that it was all just a dream.

I've often felt envious of other parents who would tell me that they always had dreams of their kids. I don't feel envious anymore and I don't think I can have this kind of dream again. 💔

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Re: 237 days

Post by vscook » Sun Jul 02, 2017 1:20 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't recall dreaming about my husband immediately after he died. It wasn't until later. Some people think that dreams are our loved ones telling us they are okay. Others would say that it's part of you processing the fact that she is gone. I can't say for sure, but I do know that I dream about him more frequently now that I gone through the grieving process. It was a good three years before I felt "normal" again. Not the same, mind you - but coping with the situation without the guilt, regret or depression. It's a long hard ride. My heart goes out to you. (Hugs)
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: 237 days

Post by jeanette » Sun Jul 02, 2017 7:36 pm

I can understand all of your feelings - I have been there, too.

There is so much emotional work to grieving - we are truly never ready to say goodbye - especially with an untimely death.

Please know that we are here to listen. I know that I have had a lot of work in therapy, much journaling, I also "talk" to him sometimes - I am mad, angry, hateful, there is still some love - emotions are difficult for me, but I know this is growth - and I have to live with my current status.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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Re: 237 days

Post by 4me » Wed Jul 05, 2017 2:25 pm

Hugs, Angela,

I'll pray that was a beginning of remembering the
love and happier memories that I take comfort in
now. Hopefully the dreams if they come won't be
as hard, It took me a long time to get there. My
loss was a toddler, yes it is different but some
similarities. Hang in there and try to do some nice
things for yourself.

Take care my friend.



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Re: 237 days

Post by koala33 » Fri Jul 21, 2017 11:33 am

Angelikoula wrote:
Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:25 am
"I could distinctly remember her smell and the warmth of her hug and the tears on my face and the sound of her laughter and just the sheer joy of her being alive"
I could never fully understand a "mother's love" for their child until I became a parent. I could only imagine the heartbreak you must feel and the difficulty of moving on from it. It's hard to find the light switch in the dark....but its ok, because in the dark you can still find light. Just close your eyes and remember everything beautiful about your daughter that brought you happiness. In that moment your darkness fills with light. You don't need to dream of her because she's always with you...she's in your thoughts and in your mind.....and in your heart.....she lives within you.

She's in a better place where there is no more suffering or pain. Continue to look forward....continue to be positive. Take deep breathes in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth. You're breathing in the sadness you feel at that moment and then just letting it go as you exhale.

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