My mother is an addict and is about to enter hospice

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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redlarouge
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My mother is an addict and is about to enter hospice

Post by redlarouge » Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:00 am

I am reaching out for some support dealing with my anger and betrayal over my (57 year old) mother's hidden and continued drug use as she's transitioning into death. She just told me a few days ago that 1. she is still using meth (25-30 year habit) after claiming to get sober 6 years ago and 2. that she will transistion into hospice care soon. I am shocked, angry, hurt and feel betrayed. I'm looking for a safe place to share these feelings to help get to a place of equnimity where I can honor my them and also be present for her during this transistion.

DeanW
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Re: My mother is an addict and is about to enter hospice

Post by DeanW » Mon Apr 24, 2017 1:53 pm

My adult stepchildren are also going through the same thing. Mother in hospice - long term, continued drug abuse - she is 69. All I can say to you is this - my stepdaughter told her father that she had such feelings of anger for her mother...they had not had a good relationship for years. But, that when she saw her in hospice and talked with the DRs all these feelings of betrayal and anger immediately left her and she was left with just simply love. God bless.

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4me
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Re: My mother is an addict and is about to enter hospice

Post by 4me » Tue Apr 25, 2017 6:18 am

My moms medical addiction was short lived. I do
understand your feelings... Hugs.

My 19yo is 10 months clean from Meth. Hoping
his recovery lasts, he started at 15 still abusing not just
using weed it seems to me. I've had addicts
in my family for 36+ years.

My husband 59 yrs had an alcoholic father. There
is a lot of resentment and anger in addiction and
then we realize it's a disease born out of a bad
choice or choices. Once the disease has
them in it's grips their choice becomes a disease.
Hard to beat disease, I let go of the resentment it
was destroying my life living in resentment, I to had
a choice. Mine, not to enable not to resent but
understand the disease it becomes and to eventually
let love be a part of my life again. I resented not
being able to say I love you.

My life is much improved I am a happier person thanks
to understanding, letting go with love, not easy. My
relationship with my son has improved greatly. Thanks
to this program.

Having to put a parent in a care facility is tough to see
or do even when they are clean, my dad kinda was off
the nicotine but it eventually made me and my mom
put him in a care facility, it was killing my mom trying
to do it herself with my assistance.

I hope you find what works best for you.

Hugs,

DAnn
4me

Auntie2
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Re: My mother is an addict and is about to enter hospice

Post by Auntie2 » Tue Apr 25, 2017 8:10 am

My mom died almost two years ago. She was an alcoholic and pain pill popper and then when she got diagnosed with cancer she became addicted to morphine. She didn't ever face or talk to me about what was happening and I was her caretaker. I never had an end of life conversation with her. The way I framed it to myself was that my mom was incapable of facing something like this. I told myself that when she died she would be free of the burdens of life that had become too much for her to handle and that then when that happened, I could have a conversation with her about it all. It helped me a lot. I was able to talk to her spirit. It was the best conversation I've had with her...lol. It was still the most tragic thing ever but I came to a point of peace. I had to just accept the situation for what it was. Go easy on yourself. It is so difficult to lose a parent and even when it's a difficult parent it is still so so difficult, I struggled so much in the year and a half after diagnosis and leading up to her death. I couldn't just feel sad and deal with it, she was so difficult even then!! although my mom was super doped up, I did an interview with her and recorded it. I asked about her childhood and about her hopes and dreams when she had us etc. I think I found the questions online. I am so glad I did that. I think she fell asleep in the middle of it lol but then picked right back up. Just an idea.

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