A hard season

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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AngelMom
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A hard season

Post by AngelMom » Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:23 pm

Next month will be four years since my daughter OD'd in our bathroom. She was on life support for three days before she passed. Friday would have been her 30th birthday. What could she have been if drugs never came into her life? I see some of her friends with their husbands and kids. But one of her friends died of an OD yesterday. Situation very similar to my daughters four years ago. I will be going to her service at tge same funeral home where my daughters service was held. This will be on my daughters birthday. It's too much. I moved from the area to get away from all of the bad memories and now I need to go back and relive that awful day. Same age, OD, life support, both are organ donors, same funeral home. I don't want to go. I have to because they were there for me. After this there will be mothers day and then May 27 will be her angelversary. I'm depressed for all of April and May. I'm sorry for this, but I have no one to talk to. Everyone thinks that after four years I should be over it. Jane

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LML
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Re: A hard season

Post by LML » Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:07 am

Jane....
My heart goes out to you!!!! I will pray that you find the strength to stay strong, do what you feel you have to do and move forward. Don't forget to take care of YOU....

Lori
"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
Abraham Lincoln

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4me
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Re: A hard season

Post by 4me » Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:10 am

Hugs Jane. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think one ever totally gets over the loss of a child. I lost my 15 month old daughter 37yrs ago. It took me a long time to get the picture of finding her passed on in her crib out of my head. There's still a tinge of sadness for me.

It took me many years to get over the worst of it. It changed my views on how we deal with a LO's passing. Who says four years is to long. My periods of mourning did get shorter.

Now I think of her more often but they are the good pictures that I remember. I can share those good memories with others once again.

Three years after I lost my daughter a work friend turned to me after losing her fiancé in an awful accident. She thought I was strong but being there for her was the best medicine for both of us. It really helped my healing process to progress. We've remained besties ever since.

You are not alone. Did you get a contact list if you need someone to talk to. I'm on there or you can PM me. I'm no expert but I can listen and share experience.

Hugs,

DAnn
4me

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flash
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Re: A hard season

Post by flash » Thu Apr 06, 2017 6:31 am

I am so sorry for you. "getting over it" I imagine never happens.
Why would it? I hope you eventually feel some more periods of peace between the sadness.
I understand that you feel you need to go to the funeral but I'm sure anyone would understand if you don't.
Please share anytime you need to or want to as this is a safe place with no judgement ever.
Love, Donna

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jeanette
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Re: A hard season

Post by jeanette » Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:15 am

As you are realizing- grief has seasons - and anniversaries are one of them.

Please be gentle with yourself and know that we are here to listen
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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nayr333
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Re: A hard season

Post by nayr333 » Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:51 am

Jane
I am so glad you shared with us.
You are in my prayers.
Grief is hard, depression is hard.
you are not alone.

Allow yourself to be where you are.

Holding you so close.

Love ,
Karen
Nothing changes if nothing changes, Let it begin with me.

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Winny
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Re: A hard season

Post by Winny » Thu Apr 06, 2017 9:19 am

Hi,
Sending hugs your way today, & my prayers that your HP helps you through this hard season.

I also have a hard season. My son passed 18 yrs ago in Jan. Dec-Feb is my most difficult time. So many memories, some good, some bad. He passed from cancer. The grieving for me has gotten easier. Never easy, but easier. I'm able to get through the hard times by allowing myself to feel the grief when I need to. I'm extra lenient with myself during the times when I know it's going to be tougher. I put no expectations on myself during those periods. I only do what I feel up to doing, it's been the only way I can cope.

I've learned that for me & my well being, I must do what is right for me at the time.

The saying that you only are given what you can handle, well, I've learned how much I can handle, & by learning that, I'm able to cope.

I'll be thinking about you, & sending my best to you. Many ((((HUGS))))
Live for today, hope for tomorrow

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Angelikoula
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Re: A hard season

Post by Angelikoula » Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:07 am

I'm so sorry - I don't think you ever get over the death of a child.
My daughter died on November 7th, 2016.
(Hugs) to you

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Re: A hard season

Post by Dannie » Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:55 am

I am so very sorry that you have to go through this especially with it being the same time that you went through it four years ago. I can't imagine what it is like and I never want to know. With my AS in active addiction and my limited contact with him, I know that I may experience something similar someday but I hope I don't. My heart goes out to you at this time. You have support here when you need it.

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AngelMom
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Re: A hard season

Post by AngelMom » Thu May 04, 2017 7:57 pm

Thank you all for your replies. I am so sorry for all who have lost their lived one and for those who are still struggling with this demon. Two years after my daughter died I moved. When I cleaned out her room I packed several of those big plastic bins with her favorite clothes, jewelry, journals, awards and other mementos. I stored them in my laundry room at my new house. They have been there for two years. Today I got everything out. I emptied an armoire in my bedroom and put all of her things in there. I can't tell anyone but you guys. My family would think it's morbid, but to me it's comforting. I smell her perfume. It feels so good to have her important things within arms reach. I can't explain how much better I feel. Naranon teaches to detach with love. After four years I'm reataching with love. She was so much more than just the last five years of her life. Thanks for listening. Jane

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Re: A hard season

Post by Dannie » Fri May 05, 2017 12:01 pm

:D

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AngelMom
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Re: A hard season

Post by AngelMom » Sat May 06, 2017 12:31 am

I'm sorry. I was wrong. You don't understand. Bye

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HollyTx
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Re: A hard season

Post by HollyTx » Sun May 14, 2017 12:05 pm

(((HUGS)))

I'm not sure that a lifetime is enough to get over the loss of someone we have truly loved.

Holly

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