A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:38 pm
Location: High desert SW, USA

A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by 4me » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:16 pm

I've been wanting to attend my old home group f2f since right before I came back to Nar-Anon right before New Years 2017.

Finding my old progress coins is what put my old f2f back in my head, my then unknown HP was at work. Yesterday was really busy and I struggled with go to f2f or not. Last week I got up the courage to dial the group founders number.

I was terrified to call and find that she had passed away from her illness. I was scared based on what I knew when I left but I couldn't be sure... It was her phone, her husband answered they had founded my beloved f2f together right before I started attending. I asked how they were. He said she was in the hospital and was expected to go home soon. I told him to give her my best and a big hug and tell her I looked forward to her return. I walked into the meeting which had quadrupled in size, no one I knew.

It felt uncomfortable the welcoming looks were kind of a shocked almost oh no look!?! I had come into the meeting a few minutes late, sat down quietly as they went through normal opening. Then it went quiet and I asked the person next to me if the founder was out of the hospital yet. The look on her face made my tears well up.

She passed away Monday peacefully with her husband and a member by her side. It had been announced right before I walked in.

These are 17 year Nar-Anon veterans, we lost a great asset to Nar-Anon. They said she was the strongest most compassionate 97lb spitball of a woman they had ever known. Tiny, feisty and full of energy as I remembered. She and her husband taught me a lot in the few months I attended the then tiny meeting. Ok they all said, we've got to go on she wouldn't have it any other way, what started as grieving became a celebration of a life well lived.

I even shared my memories of her too and told them now I knew why my HP was insisting I attend last night. A first time attendee latecomer turned it back into a regular meeting and I shared a bit about myself after that. Before the prayer circle closed the meeting.

They are a tight knit group and I was so glad to hear that the founders had become a part of their families and their kids thought of them as another set of grandparents. They got to be surrogate grandparents I am delighted! They never had grandchildren and would be awesome grandparents!

Now I know why I didn't go back. I was afraid to face her passing. I'm so glad they were all strong for her. I will call her husband in a few days.

They joked about the puppy she got him that he didn't want right before she passed. They said she knew exactly what she was doing.

I believe they had founded a f2f in CA before moving to Las Vegas. She was a big asset to the Western Region and I know she will be missed. I plan to keep going back!

I'm so glad I didn't let tired stop me and I faced down being scared.

User avatar
Posts: 1976
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:13 pm
Location: CT

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by flash » Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:20 am

Thank you for sharing a beautiful testimonial of a fellow nar-anon member.
Sure does sound like your HP was very busy and you were just where you were meant to be.

User avatar
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 2:35 pm
option_firstname: Holly

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by HollyTx » Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:32 am


I'm sorry for your loss - it sounds like many people were impacted by this loss, too. I pray that your & their HPs give you comfort.


User avatar
Posts: 126
Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 4:04 pm
Location: Texas

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by odat1 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:39 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and all her "family".

User avatar
Posts: 358
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:38 pm

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by jac » Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:54 pm

I know who you are speaking about. This member was one of the first faces I saw when I walked
into my first Nar-Anon meeting on March 25, 2009 and yes, it was in California.

I was very saddened when I received the email that she had passed away. I will miss her and her

Thank you for sharing.

With love,
"You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." - Henri Nouwen

User avatar
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:38 pm
Location: High desert SW, USA

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by 4me » Tue Apr 11, 2017 4:16 pm

I saw her husband last week and he was doing better than I had expected.

I suspect I will be seeing him again tonight!

User avatar
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:38 pm
Location: High desert SW, USA

Re: A 17 year Nar-Anon veteran has passed on...

Post by 4me » Sat Apr 22, 2017 7:26 pm

I attended the service today, we came from far & wide,
we grieved, we shared beautiful memories and thoughts.
A beautiful photo slide memorial played on a screen in
her HP's beautiful sanctuary. Poems, readings an Indian
prayer in native tongue, a song of her HP's amazing graze
gently sung by all of us.

My reading and the song that had popped to my mind was
passed out by me on my way to the microphone. I said
don't turn it over until I tell you to...

For me she wore a shining halo in selfless, firm, fair ways.

The first time I walked into the newly founded meeting. I felt so welcomed my frozen heart softened in her warmth. She greeted me so compassionately, those knowing eyes. The same vibe of an unknown dog's compassion filled eyes. The dog walked miles with me after I'd let go with love. My sweet toddler had passed on. That dog only wanted I feel warmths light in a dark misery. Some called the dog my guardian angel.

This guardian, she came with hugs, I melted into arms, a heavy burden lifted. Another warm loving hug from her husband. The love, respect and strength for one another shone bright as they walked their long worn path . Up the steps they marched. Steps 1,2,3... hand in hand, arm in arm, stopping only to hug. Always in one another's hearts, over and over steps climbed.

Their 12 step journey to service in Nar-Anon paid the toll. When I heard she'd floated up the steps wrapped in the loving wings of angels for the last time. I knew she had heard the call of the piper's guidance to a path that lead to the glittering golden gates. Her husband awaited to pass her into her HP's arms and they wrapped around her. The pinnacle of sanctuary, light and serenity. Now she sings with her HP's angels.

With a firm loving "no crosstalk" from the new leader she had trained, I snapped to attention and said your channeling her. The light ring of her laugh sounded in ear. Her dancing eyes sprinkling heavens pixie dust over us.

My heart necklace popped in mind, inscribed, "Trust your Journey" A whispering breeze of a song sung in ear, Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven."


With that I turn it over and let go with love...



When they turned it over they found this. I didn't sing it my tone deaf singing would have cleared out her HP's sanctuary.

Stairway to Heaven
By Led Zepplin

There's a lady that's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for. There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird that sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. And she's buying a stairway to heaven. There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
When the voices of those who standing looking. And she's buying a stairway to heaven. And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Well Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter. And she's buying a stairway to heaven. Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder. If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder. Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind. And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How ev'rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll. And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

I got to meet the members from the La Brea Nar-Anon group they
had helped found when they lived in California. Another lovely
Life celebration was held at the new group leaders home, beautiful
place, lovely kids, happy people. It was a wonderful day.




Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests