Honoring Our Lost Loved Ones My way of "grieving" ❤️

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
Post Reply
User avatar
4me
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 1:38 pm
Location: High desert SW, USA
option_firstname:

Honoring Our Lost Loved Ones My way of "grieving" ❤️

Post by 4me » Wed Feb 22, 2017 6:10 pm

A posts quotes...

"There's NO solitude like the solitude of a grieving Mother. Loneliness is deep and heavy for anyone who has lost a child."

This I know, this quote is true from my experience right at the time and right after my toddler daughter passed.

"Nowhere in the steps does it say to shut the door on your loved ones, yet that is what is encouraged all the time .. it's just not right.."

I feel this way about our entire societies acceptable grieving practices...

When you are ready. I'd love you to introduce us to the sweet girl you carry in your heart ❤️.

In honor of quiet friendship of just being there. I share with you the story of a tear bottle.

I recently sent a far away great friend a tear bottle for her tears when she suffered another tough passing of a loved one. We'd both shared many major passings. The tear bottle was surrounded by a circle of loved ones and it sparkled and shone pretty, all my note said was, say pretty with no t's. My friend knew exactly what it meant. We'd physically been there for one another during most of our passings and leaned on one another because we shared.

The loss of a forums friend's daughter inspired me to finish this post I had started... My Way of Grieving so now I post it here to introduce you to my passed loved ones, I carry them all in my heart ❤️.

Their trails of tales, they are part of the essence of me. My daughter passed from her vessel body to my heart. It was 36 years ago sometime in early January. She's always with me and always will be. I found her passed on one morning after a short illness. An awful mourning wail came out of me and drew neighbors out of their homes.

Yes I still long to hug her and know who she might have become. She passed from my loving arms to loving memories of joy in my heart. Seeing her lifeless body is no longer a flash picture of pain in my brain. Her physical presence wasn't the essence of her, it was a mere vessel for the essence of her.

I went through the what if, I shoulda, coulda, woulda stage of grieving. I was only 20 when I lost my daughter. I didn't know how to grieve, who says it has to be the way a program says or someone else's perception of a program, each of us has to find our own way in everything.

None of the normal grieving processes fit me right. What did fit was the unknown dog that came to me when I walked out of the funeral home saying, no, this doesn't work for me. I was only a few miles from home. The dog walked me there and then left. The dog didn't give me "that look" the dog asked nothing from me, no expectations, no water, no food, not petted, just to let me be in my thoughts and not walk alone. It was perfect. Where the thoughts lead me, the journey of a lifetime...

In honor of my daughter...

She brought joy we lived in each day just by being there together. She taught me to love more than I knew was possible. She and an unknown dog together taught me to say goodbye in my own way. I learned from losing her to celebrate lost loved ones lives and memories instead of what most call normal mourning. Because I had found my own way walking with the dog. Most importantly I learned each moment with a loved one is precious and could be my last or their last moment. I want the last picture to be of love, no matter what. I also learned to smile about her, for her and for me. That smile is accompanied by a bit of sadness in my eyes.

I waited 17 years to have another child. My 19yo S, he's my one and only physically here. He came to know his sister he met her in my hearts memories. My H of 35 years also met her in my heart the day we fell in love. She's still with us she always will be, she's still part of our family. I no longer focus on the date, count the days or count the years except when I tell someone about the joy she was, the joy she brought me, what she taught me and the joy she continues to bring.

My toddler daughter loves pretty, sparkly shiny stuff. Her favorite word pretty (said with no T's) just point at something pretty and try to say it her way. Now you met her and know her too and I still wear bling for her everyday...

My S became AS at 15yo and tried to commit suicide. I found him near dead and raced him to the hospital. The hospital acted like it was touch and go as they desperately tried to find what he'd taken so they could treat him. I thought what if he doesn't make it and it hit me I'd treat it like any other passing, my way. If people gave me "that look" and not know what to say I'd smile and tell them about Little Bear, how he loved Culinary in HS and how his Acoustic Guitar brought him peace. Their expression would change from "that look" just like it did when I spoke of my daughter and "pretty" no t's.

AS just did something illegal, again, by driving his car... he came home ate dinner with me and my H. He knows we knew and that it worries us. As he walked by he said good night and patted me on the shoulder. I followed him to lock the door hugged him and said I love you Little Bear (A book we read when he was 4-6yo). He knows that means, I knew what he'd done and that I'll always love him no matter what and can forgive him. A HS Dean once told me "Just Love Them Through It". AS lives in a tiny travel trailer by our house. Our form of detaching with love. As I said I learned to find my own way and love trumps all.

In honor of my ancestors...

When I was 17 I lived with my paternal GF soon after GM passed. I learned a bit about death some from that experience and what my GF went through. I also happened to be living with my maternal GP's after losing my daughter. When GM fought cancer and passed. I found myself able to provide quite strength and comfort by just being there for all my GP's. They were all inspiring, quirky and eclectic like me.

When my Dad passed from body to heart he wanted no funeral, no memorial, just his ashes sprinkled. Again much strength and comfort for my Mom she wanted to do something more but didn't have the strength. I thought long and hard and then it struck me Dad loved parties so it's a Life Celebration Party we had. He was the eternal prankster he loved to laugh! He'd been loved the world around, 100's reached out and shared great experiences and fun with him. We all learned so much more about him through that. Such a great man firm but fair. We found all the pictures there were lots of jokester pictures and made a video to play, we copied peoples tales of his pranks and jokes and experiences with Dad or anything else they wanted to share. It was passed around for all to read. People called in on video Skype. All with the football game blaring in the background, very little could keep him from his football games.

I wore cowboy boots that day and shared the experience of my dad HAVING to buy me my 24yo boots. He was trying to prove to our cousin that if you told a woman to buy something and offered the money she wouldn't buy it. The cousin won the bet and my dad turned to me and said you never listen I thought you were a sure bet. So I wore and wear them a lot, sometimes just to tease my Dad. I feel my lost loved ones smiling in my heart! Dad loved it all, I know he approved. I'm smiling too but there's that touch of sad in my eyes.

When moving my mom we found Dad's trails of tales and came to love him more. When mom was ready we went on a fun journey to sprinkle ashes. So when you follow Route 66 from Kingman AZ to Santa Fe NM or are on the back road from Santa Fe to Chimayo Sanctuary, Taus and Red River he's all along the way. We pulled a few crazy stunts like he and his buddies used to pull. We sprinkled the last ashes of Dad that we let loose of down the river, 1/2 down from the peak. We floated white daisy's growing by rivers edge they floated down with his ashes to the beautiful fishing lake/pond at the bottom. The river ran fast so I'm sure he beat us to bottom he loved getting there first. As we drove by bottom I waved and said love you, see you later as it always has been.

Just a few days ago on my brothers birthday, I shared the scanned in photos of my dad and my brother and of all of us. My mom and brother didn't have most of them or of us as a family from prior to digital. I am the keeper of family history, like my dad. I knew they were ready to see them again. It was like having dad there as we celebrated with our entire family.

I always felt blessed to have known my GGP's Great grandma was born in 1897 and oh the trails of tales she had to tell. My favorite was the Indian in warpaint and battle gear with a tomahawk waving and riding a horse on the train tracks towards an oncoming train, yes he got off the tracks. :)
GGM passed at 97.

I think GGM inspired me to do genealogy. I was blessed with trails of tales and old metal photos of ancestors passed. I carry my ancestors in my heart too. Now I leave a trail of tales of me to be passed to hearts.

In honor of friendship...,

I recently sent a far away great friend a tear bottle for her tears when she suffered another tough passing of a loved one. We'd both shared many major passings. The tear bottle was surrounded by a circle of loved ones and it sparkled and shone pretty, all my note said was, say pretty with no t's. My friend knew exactly what it meant. We'd physically been there for one another during most of our passings and leaned on one another because we shared.

In honor of my Neighbor..,

Just recently I found a kitten injured and near death in the cold just outside our glass front door. I love kitty's but am terribly allergic and on oxygen. I threw off my oxygen and got out there quick. I raced to don a dust mask, gloves and grab dog vitamins in a tube, doggie food, water and warming up, helped the kitten for a bit but she needed a vet, immediately. I reached out with a share through nextdoor neighborhood app. I only knew my closest neighbors and that they wouldn't be home. Ours is a big neighborhood. A neighbor I didn't know rescued me and the kitten. Another neighbor I didn't know reached out with a donation to help with the kitten's expenses in "honor of her daughter". I sent thanks but didn't say anything other than what a beautiful way to honor your daughter, since she hadn't shared about her daughter. A few weeks later I walked quietly with her on Christmas Day by sending her greetings that day. She opened it up and shared loving memories of her daughter. She said she felt blessed to have the opportunity to share her memories of a wonderful daughter who loved helping others in need. It made me think how AS was always there when we needed him most even some when actively on the Meth. Many neighbors reached out to the kitten and it recovered all because we shared in the kittens recovery.

I'm thankful for the blessings of lost loved ones both in life and in my hearts memories, great neighbors and friends. I'm thankful for my HP, what I have, the wonder of everything and the quite peaceful dog.

Peace,

DAnn
Last edited by 4me on Thu Feb 23, 2017 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
4me

User avatar
flash
Posts: 1976
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:13 pm
Location: CT
option_firstname:

Re: Honoring Our Lost Loved Ones My way of "grieving" ❤️

Post by flash » Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:28 pm

Your heart sounds very full.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Love, Donna

User avatar
Angelikoula
Posts: 252
Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:21 am
option_firstname: Angela

Re:Honoring Our Lost Loved Ones My way of "grieving" ❤️

Post by Angelikoula » Thu Feb 23, 2017 2:59 am

I really liked the idea of a tear bottle.

Thank you so much for sharing the story of your loved ones, your innermost feelings, your losses and your grief with me. I'm so touched that I inspired you to write this.

I'm so sorry we all have to go through so much pain and although right now the pain for me is still so palpable your words bring me hope that maybe someday a little peace can fill that deep pit of despair that I feel. I hope I can find that someday. I really do.

My thoughts and prayers your son finds his way back home. I really wish I could spare all parents the pain I'm feeling at losing a child but, I know I can't.
Love and Hugs
Angela

User avatar
Lauraleeg
Posts: 825
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 4:55 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Honoring Our Lost Loved Ones My way of "grieving" ❤️

Post by Lauraleeg » Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:33 pm

This is lovely, thank you.
Hugs for you
Laura
Dwell in Possibility.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest