Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Re: Haunted

Post by gemini10 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 12:18 am

52 years old is young...I am going to be 65 soon with a 23 year old addicted daughter and I want to scream to her that my time is short and I need her love now.....you still have a lot of life left to live and give to others. I will think of you often and pray for you too...thanks again for your post and prayers for me.

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Re: Haunted

Post by jeanette » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:18 pm

Dear 1030 -

I do understand so much of what you are saying. I also didn't know that my husband was doing illegal drugs in addition to his prescription drug abuses, I went to doctors appointments, stayed by my husband through his court ordered rehab, and found him dead due to complications of his drug use.
I also understand the sympathy and love of friends during the funeral - but within weeks no one ever mentioned his name. It was as if our marriage never existed. It hurts still. I understand that the last 6 years of our 22 year marriage were certainly not a model marriage. But it was MY marriage. And there were good years and even in the addiction years there were good times. And I loved him, although there were periods when I had to separate due to the chaos.

I attended grief counseling but it was really weird because it was sponsored by a hospice so the majority of people there had lost loved ones after a lengthy illness. A friend of mine attended a support group after the death of her ALO (I will PM you with the details).

Grief is a complex emotion - as part of it I have experienced the love, hate, sadness, regret, sympathy, jealousy, kindness and other emotions I experienced in my marriage. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve, but I do know that I still need to discuss all of the aspects of marriage - the good, the frustrating, and the not so good.

Please also know that you are welcome here! Always!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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Re: Haunted

Post by Angelikoula » Mon Feb 06, 2017 10:04 pm

Hi David,
I know how you're feeling.
I lost my 18 year old daughter 3 months ago tomorrow.

The day my daughter died I changed. I will never be the same.
We will wonder if we could have done something differently forever.
We will grieve forever and nobody who has lost a loved one to addiction will ever understand.

The first month was excruciatingly painful.
Not that the 3rd month is any better but there is a realization that life goes on and we have to try to live it the best we can every day. We owe it to ourselves.

Do you have a GRASP group close to where you live? You should check it out if you do.
It's important to talk to others who have lost loved ones to know you are not alone.
I'm also going to grief counselling. I'm on week 5. It's an interesting process as well.
Keep writing here or in a journal. It's important.

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Re: Haunted

Post by lisajjm70 » Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:11 pm


The nasty and evil ways your wife was behaving, was not your wife. People don't seem to understand that addiction is like a whole other person taking over someone's mind and body. It's not a statement to who they REALLY are as a person. I took an addictions worker course in 2015 and have done a lot of supplementary studying on my own. Having done that, growing with alcoholic parents, and now my little brother's opioid addiction, I have a good understanding of how addiction changes a person. I may be telling you things you already know, but my hope is always to educate people about addiction and make them aware. Maybe then, just one person will read it and think twice about trying drugs. Maybe then, one less person will have to endure to agony of a loss such as yours.

I hope you're doing as well as can be expected, and that you continue to reach out. I'm just starting this myself, because I feel lately as though I am at the end of my proverbial rope nearing a breakdown, so I hope to catch some meetings online.

Please, take care of you.

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Re: Haunted

Post by pamela » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:50 am

David, just touching base, checking on you. Hope you are well or at least as good as you can be.

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Re: Haunted

Post by HollyTx » Mon Mar 20, 2017 9:38 pm


Gosh, that is so tough. I have no words. Keeping you in my prayers.


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