18 yrs

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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18 yrs

Post by Winny » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:41 pm

It will be 18 yrs tomorrow that my son passed away from cancer. He was 24. I came to this forum because another of my sons--I had three--is my ALO. Anniversary dates are not easy. Actually, nothing seems easy once you lose a child. I fear and grieve for my AS. I don't know if I could bear losing another child.
There are 2 days of the year when I allow myself to feel as sad as I wish. The anniversary of my son's death, & his birthday. I make no plans, don't speak to anyone if I don't feel like it. Every other day of the year I continue on, I don't allow myself to dwell in sadness.
But tomorrow is my day of sadness. Some years are worse than others. Don't know why that is. He seems so far from me. I miss him so.
18 years, but still so fresh in my mind.
Usually I clean out my closets & dressers on those 2 dates. I am doing something, but it doesn't take a lot of focus. A bit of physical activity, & if I don't finish, so what? Doesn't matter.
Over the years I've had some advice given to me from well-meaning relatives, friends. Many will say, remember only the good times, don't be sad. He's still here with you. No, he's not here, he's gone. Sure, I can think back to the good times. But can I go & give him a hug, look in his eyes, tell him I love him....nope.
The 2 days of sadness help me to keep on keeping on. I know people mean well, but dang I just have to be sad for a while. Doesn't mean I'm depressed, doesn't mean I won't snap out of it. I'm just sad.
Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for this forum.
Live for today, hope for tomorrow

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by MATT'S MOM » Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:47 pm

holding you close in your sadness.


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Re: 18 yrs

Post by DianeB » Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:16 pm

I understand.

Sometimes I hold my sadness close. It is my way of acknowledging what
was and will never be again.

with Love


“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin


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Re: 18 yrs

Post by flash » Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:40 pm

Thank you for your honest sharing about true feelings and emotions and accepting that we are entitled to them.
I'm sorry for your loss. Prayers to you on this day and always.
Love, Donna

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by endoftheroad » Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:01 am

Love to you Winny, you know we understand and we accept you just the way you are.

I am holding you in the healing light and praying for your peace dear sister, Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by Angelikoula » Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:38 am

Thank you for sharing .. I understand.
I miss my baby girl so much .. I would give anything to have her back if only for just one day.
Be kind to yourself tomorrow .. I will keep your AS in my thoughts and hope that he finds the strength to beat his illness *hugs*

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by slm219 » Fri Jan 20, 2017 12:35 pm

I understand. Thinking of you today. Prayers for your AS that he finds his way.
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by 4me » Tue Jan 24, 2017 1:20 am

I am so sorry for your loss. I have times I also have to face my loss alone.

I'm so glad to know this forum is here for us too.



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Re: 18 yrs

Post by Daughter of the King » Sun Jan 29, 2017 7:57 pm

Your Post, was a beautiful, honest example of how to honor and acknowledge sadness and grief, while not allowing it to consume and swallow us. I am sure it was a process for you and did not happen overnight. I really have no words that even come close to comfort or truly understand....
Prayers said for your AS for healing, and peace for you that is beyond worldly understanding.
with loving thoughts....

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Re: 18 yrs

Post by 1030 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:40 pm

I'm grieving too. I lost my wife a month ago and I know in my heart that I will grieve the rest of my life - regardless of what well-meaning relatives and friends suggest. I'm not sure I will be able to manage my grief the way you do - but I get the feeling it is healthier the way you manage to deal with your loss - and I am thinking about it - because of what you wrote. I hope you continue to find peace in your heart. I am so sorry for your heartache.

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