Reality check

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: Reality check

Post by Heartbroken » Tue Feb 21, 2017 8:37 pm

Angela, thinking about you today... I believe I was the last post here so I'm bumping
Angelikoula wrote:The truth is in the posts here .. nobody posts here because this program doesn't work for grieving people.
I have heard what you have said about this grieving site and there should be more to offer for you members who have lost a dear loved one. Maybe one day there will be soon

Let's try

What you can do or think you can do, begin it, for boldness has Magic Power and Genius in it !

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Re: Reality check

Post by Melissa » Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:18 pm

Dearest Angela,

I sent you a text. I have been thinking about you and your family and the loss of Zoe.

I hear the hurt and frustration in your voice. I understand. Some days the memories and the "shoulda/coulda/woulda" can become overwhelming.

Actually, I have found that Nar-Anon works for grieving people. Many grieve the living--as I did for years.
I am back to Nar-Anon face to face meetings a couple times a week. This program reminds me to take it one day at a time and I learned to embrace the Serenity Prayer when life comes at me hard--which happened often over this past year, with all the "first anniversaries" of Eric's death.

Please keep coming back. You are cared for here.

(((hugs))) and love,
On the path to discover the peace of God, which transends all understanding.

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Re: Reality check

Post by mkcf » Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:49 am

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I pray that you can find some relief from the immense sadness it must cause you. The loss of a child, no matter what age, is devastating. I wish I could take the pain away for you.

This disease is relentless. Once it seeped into my life, it has been like a tumor that just keeps growing. Even though we cut a large portion of the tumor out of our everyday lives, its tiny tentacles are still there, slowly growing into hidden spaces of our lives. We never know when, if or how it may present itself again. But my fear of it is ever present. And there isn't a darn thing I can do about it because I am not in control of it. So, I come here for support. Sometimes I just push it down so I can't feel it so much and move on for the day.

As I read your post, two things stand out in my mind. The first is the obvious, addiction sucks and steals lives. The second is, I need to let my son know that I love him. He has a potentially fatal disease. He can't see that through his drug seeking eyes. I can't make him see, but I can let him know that he is loved by his mother and his father. Your posting changed my actions today. I was toying with the idea of telling my son that he was dead to me. I was growing a very cold heart toward him because we really are no longer a part of his life. The drugs are his love and his family and his friend. The drug has such a hold on him that it has taken him away from us. And that is profoundly saddening.

So, I thank you for helping me to see that building a wall around my heart may have been self preserving in the short term, but that I would regret it in the long run. There is no cookie cutter recipe for how we deal with our ALO's. However, compassion should be a constant ingredient.

Take care of yourself,

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