Day 21

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Angelikoula
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Day 21

Post by Angelikoula » Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:54 pm

It's been 3 weeks since we got the call that my daughter was in CCU. The doctor told us on the phone that she would probably be in the hospital for 2 or 3 days, so we rushed to the hospital hopeful that this was finally the eye-opener that she needed in order to take the steps she needed to get clean.

The doctor was right. She was in the hospital for 3 days, but the machines were breathing for her keeping her heart beating.
She was brain dead and unresponsive when we arrived.

Why?
Why did she have to leave home 15 months ago and have so little contact with us?
Why did she have to put us through such anxiety and stress all this time? She said she loved us and didn't want to burden us, but I don't believe it.
Why weren't we given a chance to see her one more time alive?
Why wasn't I able to hug her and tell her that I loved her?
Why didn't she love herself enough to stop her self-destructive behaviour? We would have helped her .. I kept telling her we would be behind her when she was ready. 100% percent.

It's been 3 weeks yet it feels like a lifetime ..
This is technically the second Christmas without her.
Last year we didn't see her because she didn't want to come home for Christmas. This year she's passed away. I have some gift cards in her room from last years Christmas - still sitting there next to her cremation box now. I bought some personalized ornaments for our family and purchased one for her for this Christmas - that's by her now too. I also ordered new Christmas stockings for the family sometime in mid-October before she passed, and I got a notice that they are at the PO so I have to pick them up tomorrow. Ugh.

Her Dad, sister, brother and I are essentially zombies walking around trying to make sense of all of it.
It sucks.

I think this may be the last entry I make here - thank you to everyone who reads and who has supported me over the past few months since I found this place. Maybe I'll come back .. never say never, I guess.

I just feel envious of everyone whose loved ones are still alive... having her alive as an addict and still being able to text her and hear from her once and a while is so much better than 'this'... I know thats not conducive to the naranon steps to recovery and it's negative and not a healthy thought. I'm sorry.

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Melissa
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Location: Raleigh area
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Re: Day 21

Post by Melissa » Sun Nov 27, 2016 3:38 pm

Dear One,

I understand the questioning and the "What ifs"...those very thoughts have swirled around in my head and tore at my heart for months.
It is normal to want answers--especially when a loved one is snatched from us suddenly.
We wish for closure. We wish for "another chance"

I wish I had the perfect words to comfort you and your family. All I can say is that I understand all too well the heartbreak of losing a child to addiction. My heart aches for you and your family.

You know where to find me....

(((hugs)))and love.
Melissa
___________________________
On the path to discover the peace of God, which transends all understanding.

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AngelMom
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Re: Day 21

Post by AngelMom » Tue Dec 06, 2016 12:01 am

I am so sorry for your loss. 3 weeks is still so fresh and I can only imagine the pain that you are in. It has been 3 years for me, but I didnt get a phone call, I found her on the bathroom floor. She was on life support for 3 days. That first year is just a blur in my memory. It was just day by day, wake up, breathe, cry, repeat. The numbness lasted about a year and a half. Then I moved. I needed to get out of that house. The next year was a little better. I had things that I had to do. I was busy. This 3rd year may be the worst. People have stopped mentioning her. Its been almost 4 years and I guess they moved on. Also, the bad years are dimming and I'm remembering the preaddiction years more. I go through old pictures and remember her childhood and early teen years. She was so funny. It makes me sad. When she was using I was always mad. She asked me about it once and I said that its easier to be mad than sad. I cant be mad anymore. It is what it is. So sad. After this initial period, try to do something to be busy. It helps. I'm thinking of going to a naranon meeting again. I need to do something. Be strong, and cyber hugs to you!! Jane

RiseUp
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Re: Day 21

Post by RiseUp » Sun Dec 18, 2016 7:11 pm

Oh my I am so sorry, Your pain and familys pain cries out in your words... My heart breaks for you. Its not your fault, the absolute powerlessness over addiction is just to hard to understand. What could we have done, What did we do wrong. I wish I could just hug your whole family right now . I lost my Wife Suddenely Dec 6th , 3 years ago, We too walked around as you described. My daughters were in High School when I came home and found her! Please stay close to people who "Get it' . The jealous piece about others who still have loved ones using is completely normal!!
Please try not be so brutally hard on yourself. You been through enough. If I can assist or you want to privately vent, please feel free to message. ((( Big Hugs)))

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HollyTx
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option_firstname: Holly

Re: Day 21

Post by HollyTx » Tue Dec 20, 2016 12:04 pm

Angela,

Words fail me.
What can I say that will comfort? Very little indeed.
I am sending you love. Praying for you and your family.
I think this may be the last entry I make here - thank you to everyone who reads and who has supported me over the past few months since I found this place. Maybe I'll come back .. never say never, I guess.
There are many seasons in life. Sometimes I find it helpful to step back and wait...like a dormant seed in the dark cold earth, waiting for a spring sun and a little, gentle rain to awaken me and my growth. I have found that grief works at its own pace, in its own time, and there is no rushing the process.

Hugs.

Holly

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Heartbroken
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Re: Day 21

Post by Heartbroken » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:25 pm

My sincerest condolences, I'm so sorry for your loss and want you to know it's not your fault... big words I know. But I go to Nar-anon meetings and have heard all kinds story's from all walks of life.. rich, poor, both parents, mixed marriages, single Mom's, single Dads and it doesn't matter. In my case it's my daughter who is the addict and she also has mental illness, which is common with addicts (their looking for relief) so I can't get her to stick to a plan or stay in one place long enough to get her help.

I send my prayers to you and pray to the Lord that you find peace and a reason to enjoy life again, try Ecclesiastes 3, it helps me to understand that everything's only for a season, all suffering even this.

God Bless
Carrie XXOO
What you can do or think you can do, begin it, for boldness has Magic Power and Genius in it !

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