Grieving for a child that is still alive

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Re: Grieving for a child that is still alive

Post by washpa59 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:12 am

Thank you for your insights. Yesterday, he came by to drop off his house key and pick up a few things. He looks like someone living on the streets. :( My husband wouldn't come into the same room or speak to him. My son showed me a message he had sent his case mgr asking for help getting into an inpatient tx center. I hope it is genuine and not just a way to find a clean safe place to be. He says he'll go anywhere they will send him. So, I'm wondering what he told them a few weeks ago??
I will hold onto hope.

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Re: Grieving for a child that is still alive

Post by Jewelsmom » Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:17 pm

I lost my son to overdose 6 years ago. My daughter is an addict using the methadone treatment plan. She is not functional most days. I could let her go but not her kids, my grandkids ages 8-17. I am there every day to make sure they're fed and have all they need. She gets defensive when I ask her about anything...she has no quality of life. The kid's fathers(sperm donors) are addicts and give no support in any way..better they're not in kids lives.

I have to be there for kids and I'm so tired sometimes....

Anyone going thru this too??

Jewel's Mom

"Stop having a measuring stick for other people. There is always at least one more fact, which we know nothing about, in every person’s situation." ~Oswald Chambers

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Re: Grieving for a child that is still alive

Post by LKSG8R » Thu Jun 15, 2017 5:23 am

Welcome JewelsMom,

If you look on the main forum there are many, many entries about being a grandparent raising their addicted children's children. You are a blessing to those kids, and may very well be what saves them. I know because I am the adult child of an addicted parent. My grandmother was my safe haven, and the reason why I had hope that one day I could create a safe haven for myself.

Keep coming back. This program and this forum can be a huge source of strength and energy.
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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Re: Grieving for a child that is still alive

Post by kmk01 » Thu Jun 15, 2017 11:30 am

I am new to this and not sure how to start a post, so I will post on this page. My son is an addict. I have not heard from him since February. Last I heard he was in a facility getting treatment. He is divorced with two beautiful children. His ex-wife cut off his contact with his children in sept of 2016. I agreed as I did not think he should be around them for their well being and safety. I always maintained a friendly relationship with her and she allowed me to have access to the children. Of late, something has changed and she has made it difficult for me to see them and spend time with them. I am beyond hurt and distressed. I am not sure how to approach her and ask her why the change. My son and my grandchildren are basically my only family. Has anyone encountered this situation and can offer any input on how to handle this? I am trying to work my program one day at a time. I am at a loss and havinga very bad day today.

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Re: Grieving for a child that is still alive

Post by Dannie » Thu Jun 15, 2017 8:59 pm


You can repost this on the Main Forum and at the top left there's a button for New Post.

I have not experienced this but my AS has been struggling for ten years. He's not married, no kids. However, I havent spoken with him for six weeks and it's been so hard for me wondering if he's even alive. He got out of rehab last September and relapsed two weeks later. I don't think he even has a phone so I don't know how to get ahold of him. I have learned that this is what addicts do. They stay away. Either lots of contact and asking for things or no contact. It's by far the hardest thing I have ever been through.

If I had grandkids I would do my darndest to try to see them and support them and try to have great communication with his wife if possible. I can't give advice here but I can share my experiences and my thoughts.

I know that sometimes people find other significant others and don't have a lot to do with the ex's family too. So many things to think about. Best wishes to you and your son and grandkids.

Meetings here three nights per week. Read lots of posts. They have saved me many times.

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