Never prepared ...

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 252
Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:21 am
option_firstname: Angela

Never prepared ...

Post by Angelikoula » Sat Nov 12, 2016 3:54 am

My daughter passed away on Monday, November 7th - she was 18 years old.
She left our home in July of 2015 and for the last year year and 4 months my husband and I and her siblings worried about her constantly.
We did what we could and tried to go on with our lives as we saw her go deeper and deeper into her drug world.
More drugs led to crime - court cases - she went from youth to adult. It was awful to get calls in the middle of the night that she had been arrested.
First it was just weed, then meth - we heard she was doing cocaine and the report on Sunday when she was brought into the hospital said heroine was involved.

On Sunday her 'friends' called 911 - she had no heartbeat after they tried to wake her up.
They didn't know how long she had gone without a heartbeat and oxygen to the brain.
Unfortunately, by the time the paramedics got there and she was transported to the hospital, there was too much damage to the brain and we lost her.

We saw the opportunity to donate her organs so we did - she saved 4 lives on Wednesday. We should be happy - it's a bittersweet kind of happy.

We hoped so much that she would try to quit - we kept encouraging her to try to go to rehab - work a program and come home. That's all we wanted... for her to come home and be a part of our family again.
We never got that far. She didn't think she needed rehab - she thought she could quit on her own.

The last 5 days have been hell for our family. Today we went to the funeral home and wrote notes on her cremation box. Her celebration of life will be next Friday.

We're coping as best we can - vacillating between anger and extreme sadness and trying to cope with the crushing pain of grief. There's also a lot of guilt - wondering if I should have done something more. If I shouldn't have been so detached. It's brutal.

Ironically, we've been grieving since the day she walked out of our home in July almost 14 months ago - you'd think that the grief would be a little easier, but it's not.
I miss her so much :(

User avatar
Posts: 1976
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 8:13 pm
Location: CT

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by flash » Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:12 am

Words are obviously only words and I'm sure can't help in your grief.
Yet, I will say anyways how very sorry I am for your loss.
Every life lost to this disease is so sad and painful and when it is one of our own, well......
My daughter lost her only son two years ago, not to addiction but to suicide, done in a very dramatic newsworthy way.
He suffered from mental illness and she tried to help him for years.
He had just been released from the hospital 10 days prior to his death.
My point of telling you this is that my sister felt guilt. Did she not do enough, did she do too much making him go on meds.
My dear friend lost her daughter to an OD. She had lived in the house, they did everything they could for her.
Was it too much? Should they have let her go and try to figure it out on her own?
We all do the best we can and I don't believe that we can stop something like this from happening.
I hope you can feel the love and support of those around you moving ahead.
I'm sure your daughter knew how much her family loved her but the disease is stronger than our love.
Prayers to your family.
Love, Donna

Posts: 292
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:00 pm

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by Trying » Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:35 am

I'm glad you are here.

Still sending hugs and prayers.

And 4 That is something. There are 4 families who will always love and cherish Zoe, along with your own.

User avatar
Posts: 360
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:38 pm

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by jac » Sat Nov 12, 2016 2:43 pm

Wish I could offer you some words of comfort but I don't think there are any.

Praying for you all.

With love,
"You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." - Henri Nouwen

User avatar
Posts: 1418
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:49 am
Location: Red Sox Nation
option_firstname: Pat

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by hopefulNE » Sat Nov 12, 2016 7:11 pm

Dear Angela,
So very sorry for your loss.
A good friend of mine lost her daughter this summer under very similar circumstances. She is now raising her two grandchildren. So much sadness, and senseless loss of life. Addiction is a demon for sure.
Please be kind to yourself. As parents, I think we always try to second guess ourselves. I spent a long time doing that when I first got here. I kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong, what I could have done differently to prevent my daughter's addiction. The truth is, probably nothing. We do our best with love, and that's all we can do.
I will keep you, your family, and your beloved daughter in my prayers.
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

User avatar
Posts: 181
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2012 6:58 pm

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by EMPTY » Sat Nov 12, 2016 7:44 pm

Dear Angela,
Words cannot express how sorry I am for your great loss.

May the arms of God wrap you in His arms and may your
daughter find the peace in heaven that evaded her here
on earth.

Prayers, Maddy

User avatar
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by lightenurheart » Sun Nov 13, 2016 8:26 am

Sending prayers and deepest sympathy to you and yours. I am so sorry for your daughter and your family.

User avatar
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 2:35 pm
option_firstname: Holly

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by HollyTx » Sun Nov 13, 2016 1:37 pm

Hugs, Angela.

I shall be thinking of you on Friday.



User avatar
Posts: 1181
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2013 5:01 pm
option_firstname: Sue

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by MATT'S MOM » Tue Nov 15, 2016 7:48 pm

praying for strength for you and your family. Praying for peace and comfort for you all.


User avatar
Posts: 1494
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:19 pm
Location: California
option_firstname: Susan

Re: Never prepared ...

Post by endoftheroad » Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:32 am

I am so glad that you are still posting Angela. This is your process. Bring it out. Write, write write. There are a lot of stages in the grieving process.

I discovered the layers of this process when I lost my dad many years ago. He was alcoholic and in the end, none of us could save him. He and I were very very close and it took me a long time to come out of it. I wish I had had the strength of this program and so many people to help me through and the belief in a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity.

We are all here for you and praying to hold you up as you put her to rest. Put your love for her out there. The wrong things were addict. The beautiful things should be remembered always.

Blessings to you and your family. Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest