How many children do you have?

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Belladonna
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How many children do you have?

Post by Belladonna » Sun May 15, 2016 9:36 pm

How do I answer this question? My AD Dina passed away Friday 13th. I'm so sad. She has suffered from this dreadful disease for years, they say the hardest thing to do is bury your child. It truly is. I'm praying for my AD Sandra to go into detox tomorrow. She says she's ready after finding her sister dead and making the phone call to me. I know I'm not alone,but I'm so sad today.


Thanks,
Belladonna
My beagle is named Bella and my name is Donna

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TrishaB
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by TrishaB » Mon May 16, 2016 5:55 pm

I don't know how to answer that question but I sm very sorry for your loss.

BeeBee
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by BeeBee » Mon May 16, 2016 11:23 pm

I am sorry for your loss. This is a hard road for us parents who have lost a child to addiction. Please take good care of yourself. Nutrition, sleep, de stress, counseling, meditation, and i quit drinking completely as well as any over the counter meds to see if I could healn physically and mentally.

I usually say i have 2 children. If they ask what they do i will tell them my youngest passed away 3 yrs ago, if i am comfortable. Otherwise i just leave it at that.

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HollyTx
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by HollyTx » Tue May 17, 2016 12:12 pm

Hugs, Donna.
Thinking of you.

Holly

dtosh
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by dtosh » Tue May 17, 2016 1:15 pm

The question of "how many children" can be very difficult to answer at times. Some include the child they lost and some will not. When you do, you know you may have to explain how they are doing if asked and it can become painful. If you don't include your lost child, you can end up feeling guilty that you didn't and it can haunt you for days. When you do include that child and explain they are gone, it opens the door to more questions and the whole topic of addiction, all of which can become uncomfortable.
When you reach the acceptance stage of grief, it becomes easier to include that child in your answer. In fact, many feel that they have to because that child certainly is one of your children and still exists in your heart and soul and you find that denying them a mention just doesn't feel right. Even so, the circumstances usually dictate which way you decide to handle it. There is no right or wrong way.

Personally, I always mention my daughter as one of my children along with the circumstances of her death. It usually opens up the topic of addiction allowing me to pass on information about addiction in an effort to help stamp out the stigma attached to addiction and addicts. It also warns others that they and their families are as susceptible to the danger of drugs as anyone else.

I have found that almost everyone I talk to on the subject knows someone in their family or someone close to them who has a drug problem. Many also know someone who died from drugs. This is a known epidemic that has been kept in the closet far too long. It is just starting to become acknowledged and I try to do whatever I can to keep that closet door open. It IS a matter of life and death.

I am very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for listening.
Dave

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Angelikoula
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by Angelikoula » Sun Nov 13, 2016 8:57 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss .. I asked myself the same question today .. it sucks :(

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Winny
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Re: How many children do you have?

Post by Winny » Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:51 am

This was the hardest question for me after my son passed from cancer. I've 2 other sons, one has recently had a relapse, which is why I've come to this forum. My answer is usually, "my children are grown". Most times the inquirer will not ask anything else, but if they do, it depends how I'm feeling at that particular time what my answer will be. Some days I can tell them what happened, some days I change the subject. I've found that once you say you've lost a child, the conversation generally gets changed quickly. I cannot bring myself to say I have 2 sons, when I actually had 3. Even though it's been a number of years, in my mind I still have 3 sons. But some days, it's just too painful to talk about his death.
Live for today, hope for tomorrow

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