A grieving wife

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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Aspen
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A grieving wife

Post by Aspen » Sat May 14, 2016 12:56 am

On Feb. 20, 2016 my husband left to go out of town for work. On Feb. 23, 2016 I got the most horrible call of my life! My husband was dead! Dead from what? He died of a drug induced heart attack, heroine to be exact! And he was with another women. We lived a beautiful Christian life, or so I thought. Didn't even know he was doing drugs. I had fought pill addiction with him for years but he had been clean for two years. Well, until November of 2016. I knew something had changed when he got home from a business trip and a text came across from some women asking him if he made it home safe. But I couldn't prove it! And he was an amazing liar! I am left in shock! Madly in love with this man. I gave him my life, I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone. He hurt for nothing! I know he loved me! I know he was eaten up with guilt for what he was doing. But I am left with, why? What happened? Feeling, sad and betrayed and used and lied to. How do I go on without him. I never had to work. I'm 54. How do just start again after so many years married? I feel so lost and alone! I wish I understood! I want him back!

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jac
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by jac » Sat May 14, 2016 10:45 am

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I really don't have any words of wisdom
that I can share with you but I will suggest that you try to get to a
Nar-Anon meeting so that you can share your pain with others who have
been or are where you are.

Praying for peace for you.

With love and hugs,
jac
"You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." - Henri Nouwen

bowballie
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by bowballie » Sat May 14, 2016 11:59 am

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs & love.

Meghan

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Melissa
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Melissa » Sat May 14, 2016 7:16 pm

Dearest Aspen,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can understand your shock and bewilderment.

While my situation is not exactly the same as yours, I lost my son to a drug overdose at the end of January of this year.
We knew he was on a downward spiral, but it was horrific to receive that dreaded phone call nonetheless.

I hope you have Nar-Anon meetings in your local area. You will find friendship and compassion offered there.

In addition, I have been attending a 13 week grief group that I have found immensely helpful. I urge you to look into grief counseling in your local area.

(((Hugs))) and please come back. You are not alone.
Melissa
___________________________
On the path to discover the peace of God, which transends all understanding.

Aspen
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Aspen » Sat May 14, 2016 9:18 pm

Thank you all so much. I am looking into support groups. My life has been a whirlwind for the past three months but am getting settled enough to be able to find help. It's past time. Sadly I've stopped grieving because of where I am but know that's a bad thing to do! It's important for me to get healthy again. I'm moving closer to my kids in two weeks so that will be good for me! My condolences to all of your losses! And again, thank you for your comments. They help! God bless!

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HollyTx
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by HollyTx » Mon May 16, 2016 5:33 am

Sadly I've stopped grieving because of where I am but know that's a bad thing to do!
A few years ago, I lost a good friend to drugs. I was so upset I couldn't even go to the funeral.
He had so much to live for. We were at graduate school together. Good friends. We would go out together and have just so much fun.
Grief came in waves. There were days where I felt that I'd finished, and then I would hear a song, smell a smell, and it would come back in waves.
I think it's OK to stop. It's OK to start. There is no "right way" to deal with love and grief.
Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to a new life.
I'm glad that you have the support of your children.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Holly

Aspen
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Aspen » Mon May 16, 2016 9:15 am

HollyTx wrote:
Sadly I've stopped grieving because of where I am but know that's a bad thing to do!
A few years ago, I lost a good friend to drugs. I was so upset I couldn't even go to the funeral.
He had so much to live for. We were at graduate school together. Good friends. We would go out together and have just so much fun.
Grief came in waves. There were days where I felt that I'd finished, and then I would hear a song, smell a smell, and it would come back in waves.
I think it's OK to stop. It's OK to start. There is no "right way" to deal with love and grief.
Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to a new life.
I'm glad that you have the support of your children.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Holly

Thank you, Holly!
I am so sorry for your loss!
I think once I get back with my kids things will change for me. I plan on going to visit my husbands grave when I get back. That will probably throw me back into grieving. I've only been twice since his death. I'm looking forward to a day when I can smile sincere smiles and feel them in my heart. A day when the world doesn't still look dim. A light went out when he died. He really was an amazing man. Just sick. I take great solace that I know he is with Jesus. If I didn't know that, I couldn't get through this! One day at a time, or as my friends tell me, baby steps.

Tana
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Tana » Tue May 17, 2016 10:28 pm

I am so sorry for your loss and can relate somewhat because my partner committed suicide after becoming addicted to pain killers

Tana
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Tana » Tue May 17, 2016 10:30 pm

Its one second at a time every hour of every day. Please reach out anytime. I know the emotional rollercoaster you are on.

Aspen
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Aspen » Wed May 18, 2016 10:56 pm

Tana wrote:I am so sorry for your loss and can relate somewhat because my partner committed suicide after becoming addicted to pain killers

I am so sorry to hear that. It's heart breaking! I know the depth of pain you felt and probably still feel. I have a greater appreciation for that now. I feel like I'm just floating through life right now. I miss him so much and really don't know how to deal with how much I love him and miss him and how to live without him. I feel lost. Ugh. I am so sorry for your loss!

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JBird1974
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by JBird1974 » Mon May 15, 2017 1:47 pm

I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. I fear that I could end up where you are someday. I am madly inlove with my AH and am doing all I can to support his recovery, although I fear relapse is close, if not already occuring.There are mornings I wake up and wonder if he's breathing. It puts a pit in my stomach that is unbearable. I hope and pray that you find comfort in your childrens and in God. Support groups can be a wonderful thing. You may want to try individual counseling as well. Whatever it takes. You are a strong woman for standing by him and your strength will help you go on. You are in my prayers.
"Sometimes you lose, sometimes you win, but you begin again. Even though your heart is breaking. In time, the sun will shine. And you'll begin again." -Barry Manilow

Mable24
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Re: A grieving mother

Post by Mable24 » Tue May 23, 2017 3:00 pm

Image
Melissa wrote:
Sat May 14, 2016 7:16 pm
Dearest Aspen,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can understand your shock and bewilderment.

While my situation is not exactly the same as yours, I lost my son to a drug overdose at the end of January of this year.
We knew he was on a downward spiral, but it was horrific to receive that dreaded phone call nonetheless.

I hope you have Nar-Anon meetings in your local area. You will find friendship and compassion offered there.

In addition, I have been attending a 13 week grief group that I have found immensely helpful. I urge you to look into grief counseling in your local area.

(((Hugs))) and please come back. You are not alone.

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Angelikoula
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Angelikoula » Wed Jun 07, 2017 12:12 am

I'm so sorry Aspen <3

Beatific1
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by Beatific1 » Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:06 pm

My condolences. I hope you get the support you need. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. I have had good friends die of overdoses, some were suicides. I found it one of the hardest things to cope with. Lots of hugs

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vscook
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Re: A grieving wife

Post by vscook » Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:16 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband four years ago due to complications from alcoholism. I thought I would get through the grieving process in six months. It took years, and there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about him. You will have good days and bad days - that's normal. Eventually you will have more good than bad. Wishing you the best.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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