I didn't know

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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sandylou
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Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 2:40 pm
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I didn't know

Post by sandylou » Thu May 22, 2014 3:33 pm

I am new to this, only having 6 months of issues under my belt. It started in Dec when my sister told me my 16yo daughter was deeply involved in drugs. The reason she knew was because she herself was an addict and my daughter liked to party with her Aunt. Then the proverbial @%&* hit the fan. We found evidence of the drug use by my daughter. She started running away to my sisters house. That all came to an end Jan 30th when my sister died of an overdose. Ahh, I thought, this will have an impact on my daughter as she really loved her Aunt. We found out too late for my sister that she had been shooting up different drugs. She had told a friend in front of my daughter that if "my family knew how bad I was, they would have an intervention." We found out too late to save her. Now my daughter is about to come home from rehab. She had her 17th birthday in rehab, missed her Junior prom and lost a semester of school. I don't want to be knowledgeable about drug use. I know way too much about CCC, Benadryl, etc. Its not designer drugs, its over the counter drugs which are cheap and easily obtainable. What about huffing? How can I "drug proof" my home before she comes home. Does everyone need a lock on their door to keep her from stealing? I wish there was a magic cure for this. I am scared, apprehensive and not sure about anything. Thanks for letting me vent. It has been a difficult 6 months with hospital admissions due to OD, Baker Acted, rehad and of course police involvement. And losing my dear sister who had struggled with drugs due to chronic pain and multiple surgeries on her back. I wish I could turn back time.

JustForMeAMB
Posts: 39
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 3:57 pm
Location: Ohio
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Re: I didn't know

Post by JustForMeAMB » Fri May 23, 2014 8:43 am

Hi Sandylou,

Since you are new here let me say I am sorry for why you are here. Second, I believe you want to post On The Recovery Forum.
We have all been where your are , We do not judge you here, We do not give advice, We only share our stories in hope of helping others and ourselves.
Please read the announcements listed at the top of the Recovery Forum, this will help you get started.
Try to find a Nara-non meeting to attend, we have meetings here (look in the Announcements for info), order literature.
Most Importantly, Keep Coming Back!
Read To Learn, Share To Heal.

linda.f
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Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 1:17 pm
Location: Miami, Florida
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Re: I didn't know

Post by linda.f » Fri May 23, 2014 9:23 am

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

I have been dealing with my loved one's substance abuse for almost
8 years now and I can say with out any hesitation, educating myself
on this family disease has made all the difference in working my recovery.
It is on going process that never ends. We never graduate, we just keep
doing "continuing education". For me there are not enough lessons to be
given, to ever say I do not want to learn how to live a better way.

I understand the sadness of seeing that even through death, our loved
one's don't get it. My son's best friend od and died a few years back. He was
apathetic and did not even attend the service. He was only 21 when it happened
so I am aware due to his maturity level, as well as the distorted thinking from his
years of drug use had an impact on why he reacted (or did not react at all) to this
horrible event. It took him almost two years to talk about it.

Keep coming back and listen to learn and share to heal. This is a very long road
most of us are on and the younger our loved one's start their addiction, statistically
the longer their drug use is.

We are here for you, we understand, you are not alone.

(hugs)
Live-love-laugh

Linda.f

Mom1974
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Re: I didn't know

Post by Mom1974 » Sat May 24, 2014 8:07 am

My condolences on your sister's passing, my son also died in January after two major back surgeries, but addiction really killed him - he was a heroin addict for many years, which caused the infection that led to the surgeries. I can understand your being scared and apprehensive about having your daughter come home from rehab, and none us want to need to be educated on drug use, but the more you know about addiction, the better able you will be able to handle her homecoming.

The bad news is that there is no magic cure and you can't turn back time, but the good news is that you can prepare, and the people here have the unfortunate experience to help you. It took me too long to learn and accept what I needed to know and do to understand and deal with my son's addiction. If I could turn back time, I would practice much sooner the steps you will learn here and I wouldn't keep trying to "help" him and think that I could keep him from doing the awful things that addicts do.

My son always told me that stopping was up to him. I had such a hard time realizing that there was nothing I could do to help him stop, but I learned and accepted that it was okay to take care of me and tried to be there for him without enabling, which didn't feel natural because parents are supposed to know what to do and keep their children safe. However, addiction is a monster and dealing with it needs to be learned, understood, and accepted - all very hard.

This Memorial Day weekend is very difficult for me and his older brother because he was born on Memorial Day, he would have been 40 next Tuesday. We will honor his birthday the best we can without him - we have no choice and our sadness is overwhelming, just as it must be with losing your sister.

I hope that rehab has been beneficial for your daughter and that she doesn't lose more of her young life to addiction. Hopefully her aunt's death will be a wake up call and her bottom, although I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't. Take care, keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.

Stacey Allam
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Re: I didn't know

Post by Stacey Allam » Sun Jan 11, 2015 12:46 am

have any of you had to kick your son or daughter to a homeless shelter because of there using how do you live with doing this does anyone in the family blame you

Lyndi
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Re: I didn't know

Post by Lyndi » Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:13 am

I don't think many of us knew and then as we became aware , still didn't know, we didn't understand what it meant, the insidiousness of the disease that has taken hold of our loved one's brains, bodies and souls. we didn't know how to help them or ourselves as our worlds spiraled out of any semblance of balance and recognition. I am struggling to forgive myself for my lack of knowing in all respects. I pray that through forgiving myself I can approach the world with a reasoned approach to help my family and my community including myself. It is difficult to do for as a mother, I have the expectation that I know what to do : protect my child at all costs! But this disease and those who prey upon our afflicted is more powerful than a mother's love, infact I think the manipulations are how to defeat our love. My love will never be defeated but my control over the disease is not possible. Like cancer it exists beyond what we alone can do. The people who make their money from promoting death drugs like prescripton pain killers are the ones who calculate how to get their pills into people's homes and they manipulate our world, our doctors, laws, insurance coverage, etc. and they are the ones who plot how to take control away from the family.
I'm sorry for going off but we are beating ourselves up, I think there are many who have more power who are responsible and no one is holding them accountable. We have to start knowing!

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