1 year Nov 7th

Coping with the loss of a loved one.
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handensco
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option_firstname: David

1 year Nov 7th

Post by handensco » Sat Nov 25, 2017 11:12 pm

Not sure where to start this book. I lost my daughter a year ago. 2 years before that my step son took his life. I am not sure where to start this book. I am on a lot of motorcycle forums and FB. I keep looking for the answer. Not sure if I even know the question yet. I keep looking for the deep spiritual post or comments. I have some friends that lost their 10 yo son between the loss of our kids. She has become a very insightful writer. I watch for her to write something on FB every day.
I know there is no answer and I hope we as parents did everything right but I have that lingering question in my head. I actually believe my daughter so no end or light at the end of the tunnel, the same as our son.
before I ramble too much.
thanks
david

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flash
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Re: 1 year Nov 7th

Post by flash » Sun Nov 26, 2017 8:00 am

David - obviously saying I'm sorry for your losses is trivial and to no avail. Maybe starting the book here is an answer.
I don't know but maybe you will as you continue writing.
You don't mention how your daughter died. If it was from an overdose, there are others on this site that have lost children, spouses, friends, siblings to the same. Maybe this is your answer.
My nephew ( my sister's only child) took his life 2 years ago in a very dramatic way.
My sister has become a warrior for the mentally ill since then. I guess that is her book.
I do pray that you will hear the answer someday and I believe you will.
Love, Donna

handensco
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Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:16 am
option_firstname: David

Re: 1 year Nov 7th

Post by handensco » Sun Nov 26, 2017 8:37 am

I thought my daughter was clean. We were actually having some really good conversations. I went to MT to help my parents. My father was pretty ill. He is ok now for 93. My daughter and I were comparing life to the art of motorcycle maintenance. I would take my struggles with the mechanics of one of the bikes and relate it to life. I thought she was in FL in rehab. She quit calling when I made the trip so after about 3 days I had bells ringing in my head that she was back to using. She was an addict.
My mom fell and broke her hip on my sisters Bday and later that evening I got a call from the medical examiner. She did not die of a heroin overdose. She was using but not much. They said there was none in her system. She died of pneumonia, sepsis and a host of other things. I had told her to go to the hospital and she said she would.
I guess as a parent, and I went to Nar-Anon meetings, you never really know the right answer. I feel I did the right thing and friends have told me I did the right thing with how I approached the situation. I know I didn't cause it, couldn't cure it nor could I change it. You really want to protect your child and save them but you can't. There is a time when they make their own decisions.
I run a business and have 30 team members all young kids. I know of at least 2 addicts that work for me. I do my best to not let any of my team members fail in the job and try to teach them the best bath to success.

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IsaJ26
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Re: 1 year Nov 7th

Post by IsaJ26 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 11:02 am

Sorry for your loss. Grief has no shelf life. You have to go through it in your way. It's different for everyone. Right now, you are seeking answers (most, you may never get a good one, or maybe you will). I don't feel that it's a matter of did you do everything right. We all raise our children the best we can and hope they will build their life on all that's good. We can't decide that for them. We can only be here for them. Sounds like you were for your daughter. Keep coming back. Keep healing.

DeanW
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Re: 1 year Nov 7th

Post by DeanW » Mon Nov 27, 2017 9:24 pm

David - I search for answers all the time, as well. So far - I really have none. I pray that you find peace. Also, thank you for being there as an employer for the two young men you know are addicted. You never know - your compassion may make a difference for them. God bless.

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