Holiday presents

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Holiday presents

Post by Tricia » Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:32 pm

Hi all: I am in a bit of a confused state right now. What do I get for my AS as a holiday gift? In past, everything I have got him has been lost, sold or stolen (as he says). One year I tried gift cards. He went to the store and bought something, then returned the item for cash. I really don't want our hard-earned money to go for meth and provide one more way of him using.

So, my question is....what do you all do for holiday gifts for the addicted love one?

I was thinking maybe a basket of canned goods. But then again, he could sell that! Oh my, this is me...worry, worry.



Re: Holiday presents

Post by hellfor20 » Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:55 pm

How about some handy dandy NA reading materials. Doubt very highly he could sell those in his circles. Sorry that probably sounds a little smarty pants. Not at all intended that way.

You could always buy him a warm hat and gloves, a coat or sweater...and the ever popular...long underwear. ( remember moms rule..., when you stop believing in Santa Claus, you get socks and underwear). I have always stuck to personal items with my AH, as he is freakishly tall, and the items have no resale value.

I once bought my AH a pair of winter weather/all weather boots. He actually still has them and cares for them like they were made of gold.

Of course, this all depends on price point...and climate lol..

Happy Shopping !!!


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Re: Holiday presents

Post by JanetsHope » Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:48 pm

I'm right there with you, Tricia! Even as recently as last Christmas, I was still buying things
of value (that ended up getting sold or traded), thinking "surely our AD had learned her lesson
... was now in recovery (at the time) ... wouldn't possibily sell this or that ... she needed things
for entertainment - like ANOTHER ipod (albeit smaller and cheaper)!!" Ha! I HAVE learned!
I get it now! Absolutely NOTHING of any value whatsoever will be given now!

So, I'm thinking of things like ... (she is in recovery - just for today):

- maybe NA literature (there is a new version of their book that came out this year);
- maybe recovery-related t-shirt or inexpensive jewelry (available on-line at a couple of sites);
- maybe new sheets (although I will take them out of the packaging so she cannot return them);
- maybe new towels;
- maybe clothes or shoes or hat/gloves, etc. (all inexpensive);
- maybe food/treat-related items ... that she doesn't get often ... and that have no real value;
- maybe books (she likes to read ... and, unlike CD's and tapes ... books don't have much resale value);
- maybe home-made certificates for various "service" type things ... like new glasses or contacts, etc.

All I know for certain, is our holidays are really being minimized this year as far as "things!"

For me, more than ever, it's about the spirit! We are enjoying the decorations, the lights,
the music, the food, the snow, the cold weather (YES, you CAN learn to embarce it and be grateful
for the cold weather ... or, is it just because I'm at that stage of my life where I'm always hot)! :oops:

Anyway, we are enjoying the simple pleasure of spending time with friends and family. Plus, we are
ALL volunteering a whole lot more - it feels so good to do things for others without expecting anything
in return!

And, I am truly staying in the moment of JFT (just for today)! No expectations ... no future tripping ...
no worrying (I go to a place of gratitude if I even start to go down the path of worry)!

Love and hugs,

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the Courage to change the one I can,
and the Wisdom to know it's me!

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by sharon » Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:48 pm


Here's what I did....

I bought what I wanted to for him....with the terms in my head,,,it's HIS to do with as HE pleases.

It was a gift....I knew it would be pawned, sold, lost, burnt up, I was ok with it.

This gifts for him other than MY LOVE.

I love the idea of certificates for a family meal, an eye exam...that kind of thing.

Or hygeiene products....they have NO street value. Shampoo, body washes etc..

I've had to come to terms with the fact that once I turn it(whatever it was) over to him....I was done with it.

Learned some very expensive hard lessons on this one too :oops:

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by Joann » Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:21 pm

I to agree with the rest of you. I have learned the hard way
a long time ago & lots of money ago.
I bye clothing & pesonal items for them.
I no they will not sell it & that they really need it anyway.
I do give them a lot of love this time of year, as others
do not under stand there addiction & that it is a disease.

That's just my 2 cents.



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Re: Holiday presents

Post by Melissa » Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:22 pm

Tricia--I share your plight.
Our AS traded his food stamp card for drugs.
So, I kinda figure, gift cards are out.
Currently he is living in a half way house--but who knows where he will be Christmas Day.
The half way house manager is handling any cash AS may have. He should not have even a dollar bill in his pocket.
Basically, he has nothing to his name other than a sack of clothes and a pack of cigarettes.
I am thinking of putting together a gift basket with things I know he enjoys like cheese/sausage/ cookies.
Maybe I'll throw in a package of boxers and a bag of socks.
He likes to read--hopefully someone is enjoying the wide assortment of books he has received and lost.
I'm a sucker for giving books--so he'll have a book in the basket,
along with a toothbrush! & I like the idea of shampoo etc.
Like many others here, gifts from previous years have been lost, stolen, traded or pawned.
I suggested in an on-line meeting that the only thing that wouldn't be traded for durgs is fruit cake--unless
it is soaked in brandy!

Keep the ideas coming--this is helpful.
On the path to discover the peace of God, which transends all understanding.

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by judyg » Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:08 am

This really is a tough one. Last year everything I gave my AS was pawned. But, like Sharon, I figured I gave it to him for the feeling it gave me, and once it was given it was his to do with what he wanted. Once he pawned something, I wouldn't give a dime to get it out. So, the laptop was lost for the failure to pay $17.00. I was fine with that. Haven't decided specifics for this year, but I don't think I'll be giving any electronics, not because I wouldn't want him to pawn them, but because it wouldn't make me feel good to give it. Happy holidays!

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by DianeB » Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:36 am

After all the nice electronics - gone to drugs

After all the generous gift cards - gone to drugs

After all those same things for his children, - gone to drugs

I quit with it.

Last active addiction he got...

shaving cream and razor kind of stuff

This year, in recovery

a few things for his new home - sheets & towels
some favorite food items
a lunch box with thermos for his work

but still no electronics, gift cards, money.

Once burned, twice shy.


with Love


“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by jeanette » Fri Dec 03, 2010 12:37 pm

granted I don't have children,
gifts to me go without expectations of what will be done with them

that said, I don't want my hard earned money going to aid active addiction or gathering dust on a shelf, or never worn because it doesn't match the taste of the receiver (happened to me several times)

in my family last year we started a pajama exchange - on Thanksgiving we all traded names - you recieved you pj's on Christmas eve and had to wear them all day on Christmas - no matter where you went or what you did! - that was it no other gifts - we all had a blast -

this year I have decided I am making christmas gifts - a breakfast casserole (or two or three for my sister with three young men at home) and a dozen bagels. then there will be the knitted gifts.

I'm just not that into the commercial stuff - haven't been for years.

we have all learned the "ways around" getting cash for nearly anything that addicts have, another thing I could have gone my entire life without knowing.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou


Re: Holiday presents

Post by Tricia » Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:32 pm

These are very good ideas. What a creative group we have!

Thanks for all your thoughts. Like the idea of personal hygeine stuff. Seems like he never has a razor or toothbrush. I have also given him socks and underwear for birthdays. But am starting to feel funny about doing that. He is 34 yrs old...and his mother still buys these items!! ha I probably will do it again. You know how it goes, always want your kids to have clean underwear in case of an accident. In my sons situation, I guess it could be "in case you go to jail".


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Re: Holiday presents

Post by Rebecca » Sun Dec 05, 2010 7:52 am

The best advise that I have ever received when someone does not know what to do or say to their loved one is: DO NOTHING!


Re: Holiday presents

Post by lotus » Sun Dec 05, 2010 6:00 pm

I recently found out that my ABF's nieces and nephews have not been playing with the toys we give them. My ABF's family are the only family I have locally, and the only kids I can dote over. The kids, apparently, have so many toys and clothes, that their mother puts the stuff in bins in her basement. It is such a gigantic waste, I am appalled. I am also a bit offended that the gifts we spend so much time and effort on picking out for them, listening to the children express their wishes, trying to find things that fit their interests, and so forth, just disappear. And, you know what, I wish at least the mother would return the items and buy herself something she likes. Or give the toys to charity. Not just let heaps of stuff rot in the basement.

But I can't let this bother me. This is them. And maybe the toys get rotated in and out. Maybe she does donate some of them. Maybe she saves some stuff for when they reach a more appropriate age. Whatever it is, I can't change it. Besides, they are GIFTS. i give them to cement bonds between us. I give them because it gives me pleasure to do nice things for people I love. Once given, it's theirs to do with as they please. Eat the plastic. Return it. Burn it. Lose it. Trade it in for a worthless piece of junk.

This year, money is more tight than last, and time is more precious than last. So I don't know what I will give quite yet, but it will probably be simple. There is (and was) nothing they need anyway. Coloring books seem like a fun option.

As for ABF, I will get him something off his wishlist. There are plenty of things he likes, and I really don't care what he does with them. I mean, he might not even be with me (dead, in jail, on the streets) in a bit. Who cares if he loses it or pawns it, or cherishes it forever? That's up to him. Heh! My love for him is something he sometimes cherishes and sometimes throws away, and I can't stop loving him anyway. :)

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by jjabc » Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:01 pm

What about a snuggie? I know they are dorky, but dang those things are warm and cozy!

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by DianeB » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:39 am


with Love


“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

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Re: Holiday presents

Post by kathyf » Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:58 am

Last year for Christmas I bought my son a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a bag of health and beauty products...razor, blades, deodorant, shampoo, get the idea. It was a great bag of goodies. My mom and sister each bought him a sweatshirt and my other sister gave him a Safeway gift card. Those gifts are still under my bed waiting to be opened as he was arrested on December 26th and has been incarcerated since. The bag of goodies? With his ex addict girlfriend whom he has not spoken with since. The clothing? Who knows?


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