When does it get easier? :(

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melinda2016
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When does it get easier? :(

Post by melinda2016 » Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:12 am

My twin sister got out of detox on Christmas. Over the weekend I sense(I just know) she relapsed & is with this new guy who is actively using. I'm so angry that she would risk her sobriety. She has kids, a family that loves her, a life. I thought I was ready in case of her relapse. I'm doing my best to work this program. But when I sensed her relapse the insanity came. I was so hurt and angry & I became that helpless person I hate. I wanted to punish her. I wanted to talk sense into her. I wanted to make her see!!! I so quickly become lost. Iv been preaching to myself that I didn't cause it I can't control it & I can't cure it. So why when this disease shows it's face do I crumble back into that person I was before i found Nar Anon. She's my Twin sister my maid of honor for my wedding this year. She's intending on throwing my shower we are supposed to pick out her dress soon. I'm so lost as to how I can love her & let her in my life but not support her addiction. My every thought is wrapped around the future that I'm not sure of. Nonstop worrying about how long this will be-if she can stop before it gets too far again. I was very hateful to her & I do regret it now. I sent a final text telling her I love her & im letting her go with love & praying for her. I recognized my insanity & unfriended her on Facebook so I don't see posts & im no longer communicating w her. Unfortunately I missed my moms bday dinner tonight because I couldn't be around her. But I find myself looking at her Facebook & upset that she's not even trying to text me or contact me. I know it's because she's high. But I see her on Facebook carrying on like nothing. It's hurtful. Does it ever get easier? I feel like I don't know how to have a relationship w an addict. Is it possible without enabling her addiction? She's my Maid of honor for my wedding this year. A big wedding & im so torn. How can I have a relationship w her if she's using. For example I worry she will be high when we go to try on her dress & my bridal parties dresses. Will she be high at my Bridal shower or my wedding. She's not disruptive just soulless & not her when she's high. No true feelings just pretending to feel. Do I set aside that she may be high & leave it alone--as long as she's atleast there?? I want her there. I'd be devastated if she didn't show for these important days. I love her so much. She's my best friend in the world. I want her in my life. Does this ever get easier??

Hopingforhappy
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Re: When does it get easier? :(

Post by Hopingforhappy » Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:55 am

Sorry you are going through a rough time with your sister. I have an AS as well and she was my maid of honor during a time when she was always high (she still is). I knew that was most likely going to be the case when I made her my maid of honor but it didn't make sense in my heart to have anyone else be my maid of honor. I never really had a super close best friend growing up and she is my only sister, so she was the only person I really could consider having that role. As expected, she did very little in support of my wedding. Didn't plan anything, showed up high and a bit of a mess (her dress was all wrinkled from being tossed in an overnight bag), her dress didn't fit well and she didn't alter it, she cared little about her appearance since it wasn't a priority so she had no interest in getting her hair done with the rest of the bridal party, and she took forever to get her butt in the limo to drive to the wedding almost making us late, but she was there and she tried to be as present as possible for me without any destructive behaviors that day/night. That was about 10 years ago. I have since gotten divorced and she is now an even bigger mess (hasn't known a sober day in the past 14 years other than some jail time). I don't regret keeping her as my bride's maid. As morbid as the thought is, I have a picture of the two of us from that day and I always think that if she dies that will likely be one of the only recent pictures of us together, both smiling. I know it was hard for her as an addict to even be there and play a role in the wedding with so many family members around, but she did it. I just tried to keep realistic expectations of how she was going to be that day and to realize that it would not be the fairy tale situation. I wished I had a sober sister who could do some of the things that I see other sisters do together, but it hasn't been that way since she was about 16. She just turned 30 this month. I hope it does get easier, but like we are all learning, we just have to learn to react better for ourselves not them. Sending lots of support your way!

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melinda2016
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Re: When does it get easier? :(

Post by melinda2016 » Wed Jan 18, 2017 1:43 pm

I feel the same. I love her & want her there. I'm trying to keep my expectations low. Thank you.

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Hopefulmom
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Re: When does it get easier? :(

Post by Hopefulmom » Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:12 pm

As a mother of an AD whose sister could not involve her in any of her wedding plans. What pain it caused for me to see
this occur. Her Only sister who was eliminated because she probably,no positively ,would show up high.But my AD addiction pulled back into the shadows. Now this was another excuse to use: "my sister left me out of her wedding".So sad to see my two daughters move away from each other this way😢

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