Where Do You Draw The Line?

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vscook
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by vscook » Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:37 pm

No one can tell you where your line is. My husband was an alcoholic. We separated after 19 years of marriage, but never divorced. I left because I could not watch him drink himself to death. There were times after we separated that he stayed in my home after a hospital stay, but when he was well enough to care for himself he went back to his own place. He passed away four years ago.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

asnow96
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by asnow96 » Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Wow!!! I am the same way, I hate watching my husband waste away so I've just been praying and waiting on God to move me to where my next destination is. I'm sorry for your loss too and if you don't mind me asking, was it the drinking that caused it?

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Nehbob
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by Nehbob » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:24 pm

That is a powerful statement. I love it. I just told my AD that because she is an adult, I cannot make her not leave to visit her friends but I can take back my power by saying, "but I have to live my life for me, no you". That is exactly what I needed. Thank you for sharing!

sindyciaray
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by sindyciaray » Wed Sep 06, 2017 5:38 am

First of all hugs for you - But one thing happen to me also, I just decided a month ago that he cant come back and pretend that nothing happened. now im dealing with the aftermath.

AnotherLostEnabler
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by AnotherLostEnabler » Sun Sep 17, 2017 11:08 am

My AH would always tell me "I'm not a child, I am a man". Alright. For almost a year, I was hyper-codependent, making sure he made it to the doctors, he woke up for work, grocery shopping, the whole nine yards. He'd ask me to wake him in the morning, and it would be a fight because he didn't want to get up. So finally, I drew my line. I told him that if he was an adult, he could take care of himself. He could get up for work, and make it to the appointments and wash his own laundry. Take care of his things. The rage! "You didn't wake me up, you're keeping me from my doctors/work/whatever". I simply told him, "No, you are an adult, adults can manage these things on their own, without a babysitter."I think that helped him in realizing I would no longer support his addiction, because a few days later he went to rehab. He's still there. Two and a half weeks, every day I get to focus on me.

It's a personal spot where we draw our lines. I was pushed around enough (I let it happen) before I was willing to stand up for myself. It was hard. It hurt. I was raised to care for and help the people I love, and detaching is new, so very new, and so very heartbreaking. But it is less heartbreaking then watching him hit rock bottom, time and time again.

pinkunicorn69
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by pinkunicorn69 » Tue Sep 19, 2017 12:38 pm

vscook wrote:
Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:37 pm
No one can tell you where your line is. My husband was an alcoholic. We separated after 19 years of marriage, but never divorced. I left because I could not watch him drink himself to death. There were times after we separated that he stayed in my home after a hospital stay, but when he was well enough to care for himself he went back to his own place. He passed away four years ago.
Thanks for sharing. I absolutely love your quote.So sorry to hear he passed away. You took care of your self and unfortunately he chose not to do the same.

Ma1954
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Re: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Sep 30, 2017 11:18 am

Drawing the line has been really hard for me. My ALO is my 24 yo son. I have been thru so much with him. It seems never ending. Detaching with love is what we are supposed to do. Right now I think he is not doing heroin. He still is in a bunch of trouble and I am leaving him to deal with that. But, do I help him with things that I can help with????? For my own recovery, which is real shaky, I try to avoid my ALO. I pray for him and for me too!. Hugs, Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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