No Proof

This section is for friendship related discussion such as sports, recipes, jokes, birthday wishes, etc. We DO Recover.
Post Reply
6006HT
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:00 am
option_firstname:

No Proof

Post by 6006HT » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:14 am

What do you do if you gut tells you your husband is taking drugs, but he is so secretive you can't be sure? Money is missing, lies upon lies, losing weight, not sleeping, mood swings. I just want to know for sure. Everyone else around me thinks he is an addict. I just want proof.

river rock

Re: No Proof

Post by river rock » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:20 am

My gut has always been my best friend.
If it walks like a duck , and quacks, its usually a
Duck. About the proof??? For me the lying,
Missing money, etc would be enough things
To make me uncomfortable to make changes,
Whether it be setting boundaries, detaching,
Getting recovery for me, as that's all I can control.
Hope you keep coming and learning for you.
River rock

User avatar
Cheryldel
Posts: 959
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2014 1:05 pm
Location: San Clemente, California
option_firstname: Cheryl

Re: No Proof

Post by Cheryldel » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:47 am

From my expierece it's typical for me to second guess myself, because I was raised with a lot of fear. I try to overcompensate for that telling my instincts it's my imagination. However, addiction is a maximum mind screw.
Your instinct scream the truth, but denial victimizes us and the ALO hopes we run with it, til we no longer can.
What we don't want to know, eventually ramps up and denial is no longer an option.
Just my take.
Xo cheryl

6006HT
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:00 am
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by 6006HT » Thu Jun 11, 2015 10:06 am

Thank you for your insight. You are right I should trust my gut. I have been in denial for a long time. I just feel sorry for him, and its hard to end a marriage without proof. He loves his children, and he says he loves me. That is what makes it so difficult. But the next minute, he says he hates me and that I am delusional. It is just so confusing. I am so tired of trying to analyze everything and make sense of actions that make no sense. Am I the only one that feels this way?

Gone Tomorrow
Posts: 26
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2015 10:01 pm
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by Gone Tomorrow » Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:16 pm

Just went through this last April.
"The first hundred years are the hardest"- my grandmother

adzmom
Posts: 332
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 2:10 am
Location: DMV
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by adzmom » Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:16 am

Keep the focus on you. Knowing does change any thing for well hasn't changed my ah. I have experienced change BC of the CAL, meetings, networking with program folks and staying in reality. My truth is I love an addict. I'm married to an addict. But I can say this our literature speaks so clearly on our behavior. We too suffer from the disease. Get to f2f mtgs. Reading n writing helps. And my sponsor always tells me I don't have to make a decision NOW. stay close luv Nic

User avatar
grateful
Posts: 2927
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2015 10:06 pm
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by grateful » Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:43 pm

If somebody's drug use or suspected drug use bothers me, then Nar-Anon is a good solution for my dilemma. Glad to see you here. Hope you can attend meetings soon if you aren't already doing that?
Seek beauty

lovingwife64
Posts: 152
Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 3:57 pm
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by lovingwife64 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:43 pm

This is an older post but I felt compelled to share.

I spent the last 3 years obsessed with proving that my AH was using. It consumed me. I became quite the little detective. I knew it, my gut told me. The obvious things I could see told me, the lies, the missing money, the behavior, the losing weight. He would always deny, act like I was crazy. I look back now and some of the things that he told me to cover it up (and I actually came so close to believing or at least my heart wanted to believe) were just ludicrous. I had to ask myself why it was so important to me to get proof (or him to admit it). I guess I thought if he admitted it or I had proof, then he would surely get help. Or maybe that I wouldn't feel crazy as he wanted to convince me I was. He has admitted to me since and he still hasn't got help. I now don't feel the need to find "proof." I know what I know. I come here for support and I connect with my HP.

ken
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:05 pm
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by ken » Fri Nov 06, 2015 4:35 pm

From my experience, there's nothing like confronting and asking for the truth by using "I feel" statements. In fact, I have asked for a home drug test as part of that discussion. Using "I feel" statements to describe my anxiety and mis-trust that I am experiencing helps me to alleviate those negative feelings and brings about a resolution of wonderment. I always found it easier, and more honest, to ask for the truth instead of snooping.

Only you can decide for yourself if it's time for you to have that discussion.

Ken

NikkiT
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2015 2:47 pm
option_firstname:

Re: No Proof

Post by NikkiT » Sun Nov 22, 2015 2:54 pm

OMG I am new here and just read this post. It sounds just like me. I became the little detective. My husband finally admitted to me he was lying and doing drugs. I get the glimmer of hope and he lies again and again and again. Last night I cut off the credit cards and changed the lock on the door...don't know if that was the right thing to do but I so wanted rock bottom to happen.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests