Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

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Forgive1
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Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by Forgive1 » Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:58 pm

I know this is silly but I have to get it off of my chest.
There is one Nar Anon meeting in my area,(shocking with all the drug abuse in my area).
It is 1/2 hour away, in good traffic.
I went there three times.
I did feel like the others there "got" the pain and confusion I am living.
There is an Al Anon meeting 5 minutes away.
I have also gone there three times.
I feel welcomed there and the people are nice.
However, I don't think they really "get" heroin addiction.
One woman shared how her husband now substitutes golf for drinking.
Really? Is that the problem you are facing? That he is doing his best to stay in recovery?
That's how I felt. I know it's petty of me.
I'm sure that the pain others feel is just are strong as mine.
but...I am losing my son,
I am losing my son! (tears)
He came home last night under the influence.
I should have asked him to pack up and leave the home immediately.
That is the boundary. No substance abuse of any kind and go to meetings.
I am so , so weak.
I can't do it.
I looked for a meeting today. I missed it.
That's why I am here, again.
I am trying to get out of my own way today and be happy , but I am not.
I am failing.

Tako
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Re: Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by Tako » Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:03 pm

You're certainly worth the 30-45 min. drive..........I remember someone here, years ago, saying, "If it was a half off sale at Wal-Mart, you'd be there in a heartbeat." :lol:

I get what you're saying about the meetings. I felt the same way and heard comparable stories that seems so lame next to the extreme chaos and depravity that drugs bring with them. Alcohol is insidious and socially accepted, whereas drugs are hard core destructive and create a criminal the minute they're purchased and used. It is difficult to compare when our lives are so very different. Many will tell you the meetings are all the same, but the truth of the matter is that we're dealing with different levels of chaos. Many AA/Al-Anon members don't consider alcohol to be a drug, whereas NA/Nar-Anon members see it differently......................so, where you go and what you're comfortable with is totally up to you.

Again, you are worth the drive.

On this forum, they have three ways to communicate: telephone list, online chats and online meetings. I hope you avail yourself of all of them and always remember that you're NOT alone.

Tako

judyg
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Re: Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by judyg » Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:03 am

It's wonderful that you have choices where you are. There is no Nar Anon meeting here at all. Fortunately, there are several different Al Anon meetings, so I get to choose which one suits me best.
I tend to minimize my own circumstances. I am frequently saying things like, everyone has pain, I am more fortunate than most. After doing this recently in a conversation with my priest, he chastised me kindly, saying that comparing my suffering to that of others wasn't fair to me or to them. I try to remember that when judging either my own pain or the pain of others.

I hope you will find a meeting, any meeting, that allows you to feel the love and strength of the fellowship.

XXOO

Judy

kathyf
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Re: Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by kathyf » Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:22 am

I remember when I used to drive my son to IOP 3 times a week. I left work early, drove 45 minutes home, picked him up and drove another 40 minutes to get him to HIS treatment (which he had no interest in and resented like crazy). Afterwards we would swing by fastfood because he was hungry (I paid). Did I also mention I paid for his IOP treatment as well? I guess I thought getting him clean was more important than me.

Nar-Anon meetings are unavailable in my area.

Sometimes I feel bad because I'm in such a dither about my daughter who is not an addict. How could I have such feelings when I know where she is living, when there are so many who don't even know where their children are, or haven't heard from them for months, sometimes even years. My son is in prison so I feel like I have a reprieve with him for awhile. Yet, my feelings are very real in regards to both of my children and they are all tied to my codependence and the impact addiction has had on me throughout my entire life. We are all in the same boat regardless of the circumstances. We are here to recover ourselves.

Love,
Kathy

kathyf
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Re: Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by kathyf » Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:04 am

This post showed up again and I read my original post. I can sure see how I've changed. The thought that comes to me is this:

Whatever the DOC, it is pretty irrelevant for me. I am here because I am sick and I am recovering. Addiction brought me here. I'm here because I'm codependent. I have had problems in ALL of my relationships. I stay because I am working on me.

Love,
Kathy

Forgive1
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Re: Nar Anon or Al Anon? Boundaries broken.

Post by Forgive1 » Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:17 am

Thank you Kathy.

I know we all share the same issue. We are here for our recovery.
I am happy to share this journey with you.
You have given me much strength and forward thinking.
Thank you.

Heidi

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