When stopping controlling/doing is seen as controlling

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Linda (lsv)
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Location: New Jersey
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Re: When stopping controlling/doing is seen as controlling

Post by Linda (lsv) » Mon May 14, 2012 6:25 pm

I just typed a long response and it went poof! Guess it was not meant to be.

I just want to share that when I began to change, the others, did not like it one bit....this included my addict and some others. They were all so used to me doing what they wanted, that when I started doing what I wanted....they were appauled ( :D ). I can smile now; I did not back a ways. I felt guilty...as if I was doing something wrong. My sponsor wisely shared (on many occasions) that I needed to push into the uncomfy zone. And, it was uncomfortable. I remember the first time I was accused of being a member of a cult! I actually felt good...because I had the benefit of the experience, stength, and hope of those who came before me....that this was not uncommon when we (the codependent/enablers) begin to change. I was told that what others thought of me was none of my business...easier said than done....yet the seed was planted in my newly receptive brain....I was ready to change.

I am holding your hand right now. Funny how I used to try to control the universe. When I stopped...I was accused of being in a cult! It is uncomfortable...change is generally uncomfortable...yet soooo necessary for me. Hang in and Hang on...you have a huge family to lean on.

Love,
Linda

kathyf
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Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 7:12 pm
Location: Washington state
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Re: When stopping controlling/doing is seen as controlling

Post by kathyf » Mon May 21, 2012 2:15 pm

Welcome!! Glad you found your way here! I know it's hard when our kids choose no communication. I have experienced this with both of my kids. Currently my daughter is choosing to have no contact.

The best thing I've done for myself is jump into Nar-Anon. Sponsor, steps, meetings, literature and connecting with those in a similar situation.

Love,
Kathy

Kanj
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Re: When stopping controlling/doing is seen as controlling

Post by Kanj » Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:39 pm

I am guilty of controlling. When my AS accused me of trying to control his life, I told him I would love for him to step up and be responsible and be in control of his own life. I am learning through these meetings to back off. My favorite quote to date I found on this website is 'I do not have to attend every fight I'm invited to.' It is a process and I am learning - still a long way to go. Set a list of boundaries for my house and he came home this morning (after being out all night) and was talking to me, gave me money and cleaned his room. I know we have a long way to go, but will take the small steps as they come.

Kanj
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 2:24 am
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Re: When stopping controlling/doing is seen as controlling

Post by Kanj » Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:52 pm

Question - how do I go about finding a sponsor?

What if my sponsor doesn't like me? :)

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