Annoyed when i wanna chat...

[jadebear]

There's alot of times i like to come to this site and go to chat,just to be able to talk to others,not always about addiction,but about anything and everything in general.I'm really getting annoyed though because it seems like everytime i do go to chat lately it's run more like a meeting,someone has taken over and is running the show and it's called an "impromptu" meeting....sometimes i don't even get a chance to say anything at all.There's also been times i've been in a crisis and haven't got a chance to say anything either and i'm really starting to lose total interest in this site altogether.
We have scheduled meeting times every day,i think that's plenty.I don't think it's right for people to act like chairs during non-meeting times and control who gets to talk and who doesn't and to make it formal......it's called chat for a reason,just like it's called a meeting for a reason.
Sorry if this offends anyone,but i feel i have the right to voice my opinion.

[sharon]

Jade,
I'm sorry you are not feeling welcome there when you go to the chatroom.

The main purpose of the chatroom is for meetings...and recovery. It's been that way for many many years.

That's not saying we don't engage in idle conversation after meetings sometimes. Anytime someone pops in, if they're in crisis, they are encouraged to share.

The definition of a meeting is two people coming together for the same cause. If ever you need to talk, just put a post up and ask someone to meet you there.

Let's not forget our main purpose here.........Nar-anon and working on US. Our entire site is for the sole purpose of our recovery.

Hope this explanation helps.

[Linda (lsv)]

Hi Jade,

Sorry you have not had a positive experience in chat. I have not had the same one. There are sometimes "impromtu" meetings and it is understood (maybe this should have been made clearer when they are announced) they will be run formally...usually chaired by the person who calls for the meeting. At other times, I have been in chat and it was totally informal, and everything under the sun was discussed...addiction and non-addiction related. I assume (I know....never assume anything!) that when someone posts "can someone meet me in chat?" it usually means an informal chat; if someone posts "how about an impromptu meeting?" I assume it will be a formal meeting. Just my understanding.

I am glad you shared your feelings, I hope this helps a bit. Also, please know that if you are in crisis...you are able to share at any time...on any topic. If you do not want to interrupt a share, maybe you could PM the chair and let them know you need to share asap. My guess is, they will be more than willing to accomodate your sharing. I truly believe we are all here to help each other. As with all other shares, take what you want ... and leave the rest.

Love you,
Linda

[jadebear]

I didn't say i don't feel welcome in chat.....and i do understand what an impromptu meeting is..i guess i didn't explain myself very well.
I have no problem with impromptu meetings,i think they're necesssary.I guess my main complaint is when it's just open chat(not an impromtu meeting) and someone will still try to run the show and control who does or doesn't speak and makes it formal and acts as a chair or the one "in charge".
Maybe i'm misunderstanding the idea of "chat"....to me that means going in there and just chatting when it's not a scheduled meeting time or an announced or decided upon impromptu meeting....."chat" meaning to have idle conversation,whether about addiction or the weather or sports.....I used to be able to do that,but anymore it is different .....
oh well,forget it,i don't think you guys are understanding what i mean........

[CarterCo]

Hi Linda,

I am so sorry that u are going thru this. I just wanted to say that I have not experienced this and in the past
few weeks gone to the chat room and me and another member had an informal chat and I was able to get some
things off my chest that was bothering me and so did he. I have had the opportunity to find both of us alone in the chat room
on several occasions and these chats have been very helpful for me. I do remember others popping in during one
of our chats and soon two became ten and we had like a group conscious as to whether everyone would like to do an
impromptu meeting and it was agreed and it went well. I hope that this situation will be rectified soon and that
you will once again be able to get the help that u desire here on this site.

[CarterCo]

I apologize Linda,

My share was meant forJade.

[jadebear]

At other times, I have been in chat and it was totally informal, and everything under the sun was discussed...addiction and non-addiction related.
Linda

This is what i'm talking about....it used to be like that....but now,certain people step in and take over and change the format and turn it into an impromtu- like meeting without announcing it or asking if that's what's wanted....instead of just chatting and letting others chat,they take over.Maybe i just need to not go into chat when i see that these certain other people are in there.......

[jadebear]

I'm sorry i've made this an issue when it probably shouldn't be....

[justdebi]

jadebear - you are in the right place "Concerns/Issues" and if this is bothering you, then it is an issue for you. There are times when my daughter and I are talking on the phone, she'll be chatting along about a situation and these words pop out of my mouth -- words of "suggestions" and "help" and "advice". She has gotten better about sticking up for her part and saying right out front -- "Mom, I just wanted someone to listen".

Personally - I have not yet found myself in the situation you are describing. And I do understand the need to keeping the chat room available for the posted meeting times. But IMO, it would seem to me if you and another were already in the chat room at a non-scheduled time just chatting and others came in wanting to hold an impromptu meeting, it would be considerate and appropriate to at least ask. Perhaps those chairing the impromptu meetings could do a PM if there are others in the room. Going both ways; if there is an impromptu meeting going on, perhaps a note stating such could be posted on the general forum so others know not to go in for chat?

I agree meetings are crucial and importent. But so is the fellowship before and after the meeting -- that is where the friendship is found. Both are necessary. Thank you for raising this concern. Debi

[Tako]

Just wondering..............could we have a "meeting room" for formal and impromptu meetings and another room just for "informal" chats?

Tako

[sharon]

Good question Tako.

I'll look into that and see if it's do-able.

[sharon]

SEE THE STICKY FOR THE NEW ROOM.

NOW YOU CAN CHAT OR ATTEND A MEETING....THIS LEAVES THE MEETING ROOM FREE AT ALL TIME FOR AN IMPROMPTU MEETING.

THANKS tAKO FOR YOUR GREAT SUGGESTION!!!!

[Living and Learning]

This is not a trivial thing if someone comes into a chat session and takes over. I think this is what you are alluding to here. Instead of sitting back and letting these particular people take control of a casual chat session stop them at the time it happens.

I have not had this occur but by saying certain people or these people you make everyone feel guilty and I am guessing they weren't aware you felt this way.

Two chat areas are great but you still need to speak up at the moment things happen so the person knows you are feeling bullied. I learned this the hard way because I use to hold things in and got way too hurt by things. Now I speak up when things first bother me and I can't begin to tell you the stress it has saved me.

This is just my take on things and it took me a long time to get to where I could speak up so take it as just my way of thinking.

I am very glad you shared this because we want everyone to feel valued here. Love, Elaine

[SuzeMom]

Hi, Jadebear,

I think that some of us DO get what you are saying. I also think that it depends on the context. If you go into the chat room wanting to ask advice, if someone says "let's have an impromptu meeting" you could say "NO, I actually am not looking for a meeting, but just wanted to get a sanity check on how I'm feeling, etc."

I have been in the chat room when three or so newbies came in wanting to know what this was all about and an impromptu meeting WAS called to give them an idea of what it is like. Hopefully, they will not be frightened now to come to meetings when they are scheduled. I didn't call the meeting nor did I stay for the whole time, so I don't know how it ended, but it was a first for me.

If it is only you and a couple of others who are not new here, I don't think anyone would feel badly about that. I know that I wouldn't feel badly about it, but I would likely not give you advice; perhaps might respond with something from my experience for what it was worth, but most of us don't like to give advice as we can't possibly be therapeutic for you. We can commiserate, tell stories about things that are similar in our lives, but if any of us were good enough to give you great answers, the likelihood is that we would have hung out a shingle and not still be here ourselves.

That said, I often wish for an unconstrained time to simply chat about what I think I'm up against and with the new chat room we now have that; thanks to YOU speaking up as you did. So, if you can do that on the boards, do the same when in a chat; just tell us what you need if you are feeling uncomfortable! I, for one, will do what I can within our limitations that we are all in this together at different time line points that don't always occur chronologically. Hope that makes sense and thanks for bringing this up as if you felt this way then likely so did others!

Holding you in my thoughts and prayers,

love,

Suze