Living with an active addict

[tavalon]

I actually admire you guys. I don't believe I have the strength to do such a thing (longer than three months, which is the time it took for the invited in addict to have me on my knees, messed up in ways I didn't understand). I'm not saying I want an active addict in my family and in fact after much thought, I know I don't, but you guys are able to work the program, find serenity and practice loving detachment.

I hope one day to know that I could do that, even though I wouldn't, just to know would say something to me about my strength and my work in the program.

[drinkingwater]

Tavalon,
I don't think anyone would choose to have an active addict in their family. It is through this program that some of us have learned how to focus on maintaining our own serenity in the midst of addict chaos.

There is nothing wrong with those of us who choose to cut off contact with our active addicts or decide that we cannot abide it in our homes. It doesn't make us weaker or less program-oriented. Everyone's situation is different. Please don't be so hard on yourself or the rest of us whose addicts are no longer in our lives. Judgment comes in many flavors.

::hugs::
Lindsey

[tavalon]

Yeah, you're right, I'm being especially hard on myself for banishing the addict, as though, if I hadn't, I would be a better person.

[daughter9moons]

Tavalon,

We all have to work our own program. The guidance comes from our HP, meetings, literature, our sponsors. I was entirely ready to make both of my ALOs leave, just as you did. Please be gentle with yourself. You are a beautiful person.

[jjabc]

Dearist Tavalon,
Another thing that we learn in this program is that we have to take care of ourselves. Also, if your addict is actively using so much that they are making your life unmanageable it can be best for you and them to make them go on their way and live their life. That might be the thing that saves them. When they are given a cumfy cozy bed and food provided for them, they don't have much incentive to change.
We each do what we are comfortable doing.
My thoughts are with you and your relative.
Jay