New at this!

[Deb1]

Well I am new at this! Well not new being a wife to a husband who has been addicted for over 20 years to some sort or another to prescription meds.
I am reaching out for help, as I have been trying to manage his (our addicition) although I am not using, I feel like I am an addict. Does that sound crazy?
We live full time in our coach and trvavel a lot. So thinking about attending a Nar- Anon meeting seems out of reach. We spend a lot of time away from major cities.
Two years ago we flew to Michigian to a detox facility and here we are back at square one.
I find myself going between enabling and attemping to control his behavior with no success.
I go from anger to retreating into submission and depression.
I don't want to continue like this. So I am seeking help for myself as I feel like I am loosing my mind.
I've tried in the years past to invole many family members only to find myself deffending my husband and making excuses for him. Go figure!!!
I hope some one in this group would be able to offer me some advice.

Thank You!

[Laura]

Welcome! While we are not able to offer advice, there is all kinds of experience, strength and hope in this forum! There are online meetings every night of the week...just click on "chat" at the correct times and you can attend. Meeting are EST - Sun 8 p; M, T, W 9 pm, Thurs 8 pm; Fri 9 pm; Sat 8 pm. All you will need is access to a computer and internet connection!

I have been able to learn so much from reading other people's posts and attending online (and face to face meetings).

Keep coming back! We are all here for you!

Hugs.

[Deb1]

Thank you Laura I will research the forum & the online chats!

[sincere12]

I am new to this online forum and Don't know how it works,I attend Naranon meetings once a week but would like to make more meetings not many in my area

[Lyra]

I am new to this online forum and Don't know how it works,I attend Naranon meetings once a week but would like to make more meetings not many in my area

Welcome Sincere, you can attend our online meetings any night of the week, our schedule is posted here on the forum, just click on the chat icon to enter the meeting!

[sincere12]

Thank you

[Linda (lsv)]

Welcome Deb,

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like an addict. My son was addicted to drugs...and I was addicted to HIM. I was so emeshed with him that I did not know where I ended and he began. For years, my focus was totally on trying to control/fix my son. I was obsessed and consumed all the time. My life had become totally unmanageable. Nar-Anon has taught me a healthier, saner, and happier way to think and to live...it involves going to meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the steps. Keep reading and sharing and the program will start to sink in and make sense. I hope you join the online meetings too. You are not alone.

Keep coming back!

Love,
Linda

[drinkingwater]

Hey Deb,
Welcome to the forum! You've found a place full of awesome folks who are willing to share their experience, strength and hope. We do not give advice because, although many of our situations are similar, everyone's experiences are different. No one can tell you what is right for you.

That being said... I know exactly what you mean when you say that you feel like an addict. I felt the same way, because I WAS! I was totally codependent and addicted to my addict. I tried to manage every aspect of his life through controlling him, manipulating, bargaining with him and trying to reward him for good behavior. I'd definitely suggest that you read up on codependency, it might be really helpful to you.

With you traveling as much as you do, our online meetings might be perfect for you! We have them every night. I hope you'll join us!

::hugs::
Lindsey

[Deb1]

I want to thank all of you who posted to my post! it is comforting to know I am not alone! Thanks for the support!!!!!

[PBH777]

Welcome,
I hope you find this Forum as helpful as I have.

njmom

[Gerilyn]

Welcome. Glad you found us. Considering you travel you will probably like the ability to come to our online meetings which we have every night. Check out the schedule under the announcements.

I have found the literature especially helpful, as well as reading the posts on this forum. I learned that I was not alone in this and others understood exactly what I was going through and the feelings associated with loving an addict.

Hope you join us for a meeting.
Gerily

[Cheryl]

Dear Deb,

You wrote,

I find myself going between enabling and attemping to control his behavior with no success.
I go from anger to retreating into submission and depression.
I don't want to continue like this. So I am seeking help for myself as I feel like I am loosing my mind.

You are in the right place. We all come here because the addiction of a loved one is causing our lives to become unmanageable. When my son was in active addiction, my emotions were all of the place .... I was a moving target, and also feeling as if I was going to lose my mind. But there are answers, it takes time, it's one day at a time, it takes work, but the serenity to be found is so worth it, and you are worth it.

Keep coming back.

Cheryl

[Melissa]

Hi Deb! Welcome to our Forum family--where ever your travels may take you, we're just a laptop & internet click away. You are not alone!

You mentioned that you find yourself defending and making excuses for your husband.
In our Nar-Anon little blue booklet, on page 4, under the heading "The Family" we read:

" For our addicted siblings, friend and employee (and spouse/child) we may cover for him, blame him or excuse his unacceptable behavior. We worry, we take on the addict's responsibilites, we make excuses, and we try to cover up for him---this is our anxiety--and as a result, we become enablers."

You have come to the right place--we understand, as few others can, the insanity of addiction and how it affects our lives. By coming to Nar-Anon, we learn that we can find a better way to llve...one day at a time.

Remember the 3"C"s:
You did not cause it (his addiction)
You cannot control it
You cannont cure it.

I hope you will keep coming back--the Nar-Anon program works if you work it!! HONEST!!
We have meetings every night--there is a meeting tonight at 8:00pm (Eastern). Simply click on the word "Chat" found on the upper right corner of this screen.

Under "Announcements" there is a listing for "CAL Literature"--this where you can order our Nar-Anon literature.

(((Hugs))) Looking forward to seeing you at a meeting soon.

[Deb1]

Melissa appreciate your encouragment! I like the 3 C's. I will be attending as many of the evening meetings as I can.
I am ordering the literature!
Thanks!!!!!
Many HUGS back to you!!!!