Set boundaries or mind own business?

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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1954
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2017 11:40 am
option_firstname: Cindy

Set boundaries or mind own business?

Post by 1954 » Thu Feb 08, 2018 5:38 am

I'm Cindy and have posted Living with active addiction. Was encouraged with replies. Read recent posts on checking phone records. Wow my HP is looking after me. So my relapsing AH has been communicating with a couple women for months. I've sneaked looks and it's too friendly. He gives rides for $and crack which he uses here at home. Now I get phone records via email and yes I counted...55 and 51 messages and calls. Waiting for January records. I mind my own business re drug use but this issue is a wall between us that hasn't happened in 35 yrs of marriage. I have a beautiful program in al-anon and now this wonderful forum. I have yrs of recovery from codeine so am double winner.
I need your help. Thank you. 🦋

Claytonmomof2
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:01 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Set boundaries or mind own business?

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:07 pm

Addiction makes our loved ones people that we know they truly aren't, deep down. Some of the consequences of their using (which I'm finding out commonly coordinates with "flame addictions") is devastating for their families. I read on here one time that this person's loved one who is now in recovery didn't hurt her intentionally while he was actively using because he simply never thought of her - he didn't have the capacity in his active use to be able to think beyond his current day and addiction. That sounds brutal initially but it actually provided some relief to me. Because my AH ISN'T thinking about the kids and I - he's not intentionally doing this to hurt us, but he simply can't think about us while being active. It still hurts. His actions have created deep wounds. I rely on my HP (God for me) because this has brought me to my knees.

1954
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2017 11:40 am
option_firstname: Cindy

Re: Set boundaries or mind own business?

Post by 1954 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:53 am

This really helps. I too have a deep relationship with God.
Yesterday the opportunity to be honest about my feelings about this "flame addiction " of texting etc. I stated it calmly and did not put down hard consequences but said that we could not be close if it continues.
I felt so much better to tell my truth.
I put the outcome in God's hands. With His leading and guidance in my program I will set boundaries in the big issue of his year long relapse.
Your message really helped with detachment. Thank you so much.
Open,willing,Cindy. 🦋

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