With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Post by Rachlovesdogs » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:51 pm

Today I have gone all day without checking my AH phone records. This is a big baby step for me. I do think it has been easier as he appears sober....but I’m still proud. I came on here at lunch to read instead of checking when I had the urge.

On to consequences of my actions. A few weeks back I texted his boss to inform him of his drug use at work and ask him to reach out to him. His boss just now read the message and called me. Now I have to deal with that and I am. It sure why. And I should have stayed out of his affairs...

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Re: Consequences

Post by endoftheroad » Thu Feb 08, 2018 2:43 am

Wow, well, I guess you will find out how that works for you and your child.....

I know that every action I took in trying to control my addicted son by exposing him, only came back to haunt me! I learned time after time that it was none of my business! I am not sure how it works when it is your husband and a provider of some sorts! What's in that for you? Every action does have a reaction and I have learned that most times it wasn't the reaction that I wanted!

I only began to grow when I took the focus off of him and put it on me! Yep, I got out of the phone records too, but isn't it amazing how many other things we can meddle in! I learned not to meddle, not to nag, not to control, not to expect. It takes time, but the faster you learn, the more Serenity there is~!

Keep coming back!
This is the easier softer way.....

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Re: Consequences

Post by jp2018 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:00 pm

All steps in this situation are baby steps, and if you've ever seen a baby take any easy step....well, turns out baby steps might be little, but dang it, are they hard! Good for you for taking one of them. I've also had a hard time not looking at his phone, but I've come to the realization that he will use when he chooses whether I look at his phone or not, whether I berate him when I see a text from his dealer or not. It was only making me feel worse, so now I just try to avoid it. It's like reading someones diary....

Soooo hard to stay out of your partners business when we consider it OUR life and therefore OUR business. Together. But that's not the case.

Stay strong, keep sharing, we are all in this together though we all wish so hard we weren't.

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Re: Consequences

Post by Wisteria » Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:40 pm

Baby steps are how we make it. When I turn the focus to me and what I need I feel better.

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Re: Consequences

Post by MarleyRose13549 » Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:52 pm

You sound just like me!!! It is always nice to find other people doing this stuff. People who have never dealt with this would think our actions are crazy.....I mean they are crazy actions but others just don't understand!

I would check the phone records of my husband and then compare it to his actual phone to see who people were and what texts and phone calls he would delete. I knew the deleted numbers must be drug related. I would then block the numbers...I ended up having like 50 numbers blocked from his phone. Obviously that didn't help at all.

I ended up getting the GPS app on my phone and was able to see where he was all of the time. That also didn't work but all of this made me feel like I had some type of control...which I didn't ( I have come to find through nar anon family group).

My husband relapsed this week. I did too....but I am still proud of myself for not going all the way crazy like I would have before..I checked and compared his phone record because his behaviors made me think he was high...sure enough I found that he deleted conversations and he was in the bathroom shooting up! ( Not quite this simple but you get the point). I almost did the GPS and full detective mode...but I didn't. I also didn't yell at him or argue like I would have in the past.

Baby steps for sure but man we are making progress!!! We got this. Don't you feel like you have so much more free time to relax and focus on yourself now that you aren't actively addicted to the addict? I do!! Proud of you. Keep it up and know you aren't alone.
"The wishbone will never replace the backbone."

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