My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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LKSG8R
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My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

Post by LKSG8R » Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:34 am

My newly recovering addicted/alcoholic mother is visiting my home for the first time since becoming clean and sober Aug 2017. She is very very anxious about visiting us. People, places, and things are triggers. Both my husband and my youngest son are in active addiction, so she's scared to be around them. She's afraid she'll have urges to join them. She also wants to fix them!

It's going to be a very different kind of visit. She wants to come to a Nar-Anon meeting with me (she does have an addicted grandson and SIL after all), but I'm nervous about that. I think she should keep the focus on her. We are talking a lot more, but it is bringing up feelings in me about being the child of an addict that neither of us are ready to share. I pretty much raised myself. She's been a narcissist and an addict since I was a very small child. I have to remember that the self-centeredness will still be there.

I now understand people who say their program is just as important when their ALO is in recovery. It's been doubly hard not having expectations. I need to keep the focus on me, and not take on her emotions too. I need to let her be who she is today, and accept her. I especially need to appreciate how good she looks physically, and not look at my AH and AS with even greater sadness.

Sorry for the long post. Nar-Anon don't fail me now!
Lisa
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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Hope2018
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Re: My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

Post by Hope2018 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:12 am

I will keep you in my prayers and hope the visit goes well for all! One day at a time and keep coming back here for you!

Hugs,
Patty

hope1
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Re: My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

Post by hope1 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 1:57 pm

Your recovery is your recovery and hers is hers. I have attended meetings with my RAD when invited only! If i feel the need to go to more open meetings to understand the disease more then i can go on my own time. If you are not comfortable with her attending with you then perhaps she can find herself another meeting or go to one where she lives. My RAD was also anxious coming home for the first time for a visit and being around some relatives who continue to abuse substances . She knew what to do though and how much she could tolerate. She found meetings for herself and went. She communicated with her sponsor and basically it all went well. I resigned as the person whom is going to try and smooth the waters for everyone else. I fond that it all worked out so much better when i focused on me and let others be themselves.

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SDIN2T
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Re: My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

Post by SDIN2T » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:42 pm

Lisa:

You nailed it.
I need to let her be who she is today, and accept her.
Your recovery is strong. What amazing progress.

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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LKSG8R
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Re: My newly clean AM is anxious about visiting first time

Post by LKSG8R » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:11 pm

Ugh. This is even harder than I thought.
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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