I want off this rollercoaster !

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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justmom
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I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by justmom » Fri Feb 02, 2018 6:14 pm

The past 3 years have been a wild emotional ride. Our 36 year old AD started using heroine left her husband their 4 kids for a 26 year old drug dealer.
She has wrecked 3 cars in the past year been in and out of sober living for a year all still using and brought home a new husband an addict himself claiming they were both clean just needed help getting on their feet. Well we helped by giving them a car and moving them in with us only to have them let their drug dealer borrow their car, which he wrecked that night and keep using while we supported them both. They are now in seperate rehab places fixing to go to a halfway house hopefully seperatly. We are retirement age and officially flat broke from three years of helping { with a morgage the first time in 40 years}. We have worried ourselves to death over this and tried our best to help , but realize we can't even help ourselves out of this mess. We are also raising my AD son. God please help us just live again. Thanks for listening. xxxGena

MarieW
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by MarieW » Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:29 pm

Welcome to the Forum. You said:
We have worried ourselves to death over this and tried our best to help , but realize we can't even help ourselves out of this mess.
Actually, you can. I found the way out of my roller coaster life by going to meetings, posting and reading here, reading literature and working the steps.

Knowing that your life now is unmanageable is literally the first step toward recovery. Recovery for me wasn't simple and it wasn't easy. It doesn't mean my life is perfect (not even close). It doesn't mean my ALOs are clean and sober, because they are not. But I am in a better place and I've learned to live a productive life regardless of their choices.

Stick around. Give this program a fighting chance.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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flash
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by flash » Sat Feb 03, 2018 8:37 am

Just take that first step.
You started too by signing on here and admitting that your lives have become unmanageable.
You don't have to be alone on this journey.
There are many like you here.
I would suggest reading more, going to meetings near you and ordering some nar-anon literature.
It has helped many.
Love, Donna

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DianeB
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by DianeB » Sat Feb 03, 2018 12:56 pm

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

That's all....just one step. Step off. Step back. Step away. It is all one step at a time.

After loosing our retirement in vain attempts for rescue, fix and save our son, I had to honestly look at myself and why I kept putting myself last.

I was powerless over his actions. Proved that over and over. I had to take just one step away and focus back on myself and my husband and our lives.

I raised my son. I did the right things. I did some stupid things too. But in balance, I did good. He chose to use, not me. He picked up. Not me. I didn't cause it and I sure as hell couldn't control or cure it.

But I could back off and look at the more important thing....my survival and that of my husband. We began saying no. We began stepping our of his problems and allowing him the dignity to figure it our. All of our "helping" was not help at all. It weakened him and weakened us.

We started taking care of ourselves. We paid our bills. We got caught up. We stopped the flow of money to him and redirected it to our own lives. Cause....you know what....we are just as important. Our lives and survival matter.

Just one step to the side and you can love them forever without participating in their addiction.

This served us well. We got back to ourselves and allowed him to follow his own path. He was an adult.

Find a meeting. Please.

justmom
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by justmom » Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:09 pm

Thank you your words hit home and true

Ma1954
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by Ma1954 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:57 pm

TYFS. I want off this roller coaster, too! Thank you for the ESH people, it helps so much. Keep coming back and hugs. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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slm219
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Re: I want off this rollercoaster !

Post by slm219 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:26 pm

Hi!
I've been on that rollercoaster and it took many attempts to finally jump off and stay off.
We have a 44 yr old AS who we have not seen in quite a while. Needless to say we too spent thousands (thank goodness we did not dip into retirement, but very close) over the years thinking we were helping. It got to the point where I was just exhausted all the time and cried at the drop of a hat.

It is a natural instinct as a mother to want to help our children.....but nothing we ever did really helped him. I have learned thru this program.....HE has to work on himself and I have to focus on me. At first I thought that sounded rather selfish but its not....it has helped me survive.

Keep coming back.....is it easy....nope...but it does help to live a better more productive life. One step at a time.......
Hugs,
Sharon
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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