I feel down again

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Meredith
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Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:52 pm
option_firstname: Meredith

I feel down again

Post by Meredith » Wed Jan 31, 2018 12:13 am

Hello,

I am new here trying to find some support I am in the same circle of thinking as always.. My boyfriend is an addict and today he has runned away again. We were very happy spending time together and having a coffee, I felt a great conexion with him and hope, very comfortable, everything was going on well.. but as he always does he was suddenly in a hurry ro run away and take drugs in the morning. I feel that smoking for him is a preference and he arranges everything, promises that after we will do things, asks me if I need him to bring something, tells me that we can do things together tomorrow and the he leaves. Even if I feel down, he tells me that he loves me and he just leaves. I feel a great void and I am left alone with my worries of the future and questioning myself.. I am being too needy? Is this the space that a partner needs ? Is this going to happen everyday? I worry and I feel sad while he goes "to have fun" .I used to go with him and his friends but I can't see him with a bong, I feel very anxious, I don't like that after he becomes lazy and is a diferent person, he smokes much more that I can bare.

He tells me that we are going to apply for a job shortly so I am waiting for him to apply and we'll do it at the same time but he keeps dissapearing every mornig to smoke. He doesn't really seem to plan or enjoy spending time with me all the day or for a long time like before. He jumps to his cigarretes, to talk to his friends, to play videogames, and somedays I feel like he gives me for granted.

Some days if I am entertained in my world I don't care much if he does drugs wich he says "I like to do it, it makes me happy" but when it happens and I don't have a plan and left alone it's hard. After some hours he comes home stoned and he only wants to eat and sleep.. unmotivated..

Thank you

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jeanette
Posts: 1040
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:38 pm
Location: West Virginia
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Re: I feel down again

Post by jeanette » Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:49 am

Welcome to nar-anon -

I learned that I had to be a full person with a life that I love, happy in what I do and who I am. Only then could I be part of a couple. Relying on someone else to provide comfort, entertainment, a plan of what to do today - that wasn't me LIVING my life.

Only you can decide what you want to have in a relationship. Only you can decide if you are happy.

But here in nar-anon we have learned to live our lives in the serenity prayer -

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference

I cannot change someone else - crying, begging, making them jealous, screaming, withholding affection, money - none of it actually can change someone else permanently.

Welcome to nar-anon!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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