F2F upcoming and also disapointment

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Rachlovesdogs
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F2F upcoming and also disapointment

Post by Rachlovesdogs » Tue Jan 30, 2018 10:55 pm

I researched a little more and there is a meeting I plan to attend Thursday night!!!!
I have child care set up. I’m ready ..... but also nervous. Last time I went to a meeting was 2006 ish and it was alanon ... I didn’t feel like I fit in... I was younger and he was my boyfriend and it was drugs not alcohol. I felt like everyone was just thinking she’s young and dumb and should just leave her boyfriend it’s easy... of course I’m sure some of that was in my head ... but overall it wasn’t a good vibe for me..... this is an actual NAranonmeeting so I’m hoping I can relate more...

I invited my husband to go to NA meeting at same local and dinner date but I have a feeling that won’t happen....

I have been leaving hope for him to come around ... he has def slowed down some... but he is still st it. About one day he was honest and now denial again. I feel let down daily when I see that he has called his drug dealer or has textes from sex ads.... there’s a whole new addiction I am learning about.. the sex addiction...which isn’t even real sex or getting off from it ... just another chase..... and dopamine release....

My counselor of almost 20 years helped me come up with a 6 month timeline to give things s chance to balance out be for making a decision on divorce.... or staying..... thinks that it is worth giving him the opportunity to get clean and healthy and the. Work on marriage and life that we have worked toward for 20 years.....

I’m trying to back off and let him make changes... but they are so small and then he steps back.... I am growing impatient... i am not a master of knowing when to open and shut my mouth.... I like to just keep it open and brutally honest.....

I am becoming sick and tired..... but I don’t think he is.....::


My poor baby has his one year birthday coming up.... i never wanted to be this parent that didn’t have life together and healthy ......

Honestly it just hurts daily to watch my husband / family /man I love fall to his own demise...even if I were to have to divorce him in the future the pain the love will never change......

This was a random all over the place venting ....
thank you all for being here and allowing this therapeutic release 😁

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Serenity8
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Re: F2F upcoming and also disapointment

Post by Serenity8 » Wed Jan 31, 2018 3:18 pm

Thanks for sharing!

Sqbear42
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Re: F2F upcoming and also disapointment

Post by Sqbear42 » Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:30 pm

Good for you for finding a meeting!

You said you were sick and tired, but not him. This program is about YOU. It's not about when/if he's sick and tired, that's his program.

Also after 28yrs of not being with the addict, I can tell you the "love and pain" does change. But only if you change it. Or you can continue to do what you've been doing for 20yrs. Your choice.

Nicole

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