AH arrested

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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AH arrested

Post by Jade11 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:19 pm

My AH went "missing" since yesterday afternoon. He just came home this morning in a hospital gown and a borrowed coat.
For the past week and a half AH has been abstaining. He has been home sick with pneumonia and other health issues.
As soon as he felt better he went out.
AH says last night he was laying on the ground somewhere out of it when police showed up and arrested him for burglary. They found him outside a service garage of some kind and said an alarm went off in the area. AH said the garage was surrounded by a fence and he was resting by it. They took him to the station and AH fell out on the floor. Took him to the hospital and left him there. He was given a paper to appear in court for trial.

I believe AH that he didn't commit the crime. But I know his being there in such a crazy situation is because of his addiction.

I don't feel shocked. This isn't the first scenario like this.
But I keep thinking about our kids. When they left for school they asked me where he was...
What will they go through if he's found guilty?
With his previous record I'm sure that would be prison time.
And if it's not... well what next I wonder? What else has to happen? Each time it gets a little worse.. my AH is not very young anymore. Each time he uses like this his body gives out. He has developed chronic health issues separate from addiction. It's hard for me to understand what I want to do... I've been more involved lately in regards to his healthcare... but at the same time, he is continuing to self abuse himself with drugs and alcohol.
I have to go to work... I have to eat something. I know I have to focus and stop stressing about what he's going to do.
I am fighting the urge to mentally find solutions to HIS NEW problem.

To top it off. AH asked me to cook him breakfast. LOL. I told him very politely, NO! He's not injured as far as I can tell and knows how to fry an egg!!

Thank you for being here and thank you for listening. I think I would be crazy by now without this program.

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Re: AH arrested

Post by LKSG8R » Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:51 pm

I know how hard it is to focus- both at work and at home- when a major crisis has occurred. Even if it didn't happen directly to me, it affects me by way of collateral damage. Crisis forces me to face my reality: my husband is an alcoholic, my youngest son is an addict. I cannot control them and they are not in control of themselves. And no matter how hard I try to detach, what they do affects me.

The best way for me to stay focused on my own life is to focus on my current task, to live in the moment. As soon as I start thinking about what ifs, my serenity is blown. Whatever is going to happen with my ALOs is going to happen- with or without my anxiety. Most of the time, it seems, that I spend more energy worrying than they do. So, I may as well stop and get on with my life.

I love that you refused to cook your AH breakfast. It's okay to feel your feelings. You have a right to be angry and exacerbated. The trick is to not let HIS crisis ruin YOUR emotional well-being. Not easy, but that's what this program and this forum is for.

I'm in your corner,
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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Re: AH arrested

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 2:35 pm

I feel your pain. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and that your children are as well. Someone on here once told me that the stability of even one parent carries so far for children. Take care of yourself! It may be what your AH needs to hit a new bottom, as painful as it seems at times.

I had an "ah-ha" moment this morning. The schools were delayed for two hours (unbeknownst to my son - middle school age). We left the house and I turned to go to daycare first. My son freaked out in the backseat. "Mom, you turned the wrong way....it's 8 o'clock I'm going to be late. We don't have time to go to daycare first." I just grinned and said that we could discuss it later. He continued to freak out..."But mom, I'm not going to make it." I could tell he was getting panicked. My son would be horrified to be late to school - to have to get a note and go in while the rest of the class was seated. But I knew that school was delayed, he didn't. I knew that if I were to take him to school as we normally do that he'd be the only one there. He didn't know these other details. Once we dropped his sister off at daycare I told him that school was delayed two hours and he was going with me to work for a little while before school (sister would have been upset to know she couldn't go to work as well...reasoning for not telling my son while in route with her). My ah-ha moment.....this is the same conversation I have with my higher power (God for me). "God, you turned the wrong way....I'm not going to make it in time...this isn't the right way." God knows what he's doing. He knows that "school is delayed." It's my job to just sit down in the backseat, make known to Him my fears and worries but trust His plan. When it's time....God will get me there. He will not let me be late; He hasn't made a wrong turn - He just knows more details than I do.

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Re: AH arrested

Post by Ma1954 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:16 pm

So sorry for you and your children. Hugs. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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Re: AH arrested

Post by deelinda » Sat Feb 03, 2018 10:16 am

My AH is currently in prison and I have no idea what's going to happen to him. I feel your pain and confusion about the future. Im finally taking the time to focuson me and putting myself first. I can't control what will happen to him so all I can do is work on my own recovery. Keep strong and take it day by day

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