new here. need to hear I'm not alone

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by omar0115 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 10:53 am

Hello. This is the first time I've done something like this forum. I'm 39 years old I have 2 children a
16 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I've been with my husband for 20 years now needless to say
We've grown up together. He started using meth about 5 years ago. I was so devastated when
I found out. Of course he told me everything I wanted to hear. How he didn't want to be on it how he just needed to "wean" himself off so I believed him and supported him even tho he would blow up and scare me and be abusive. I told myself its the drugs this is not the man I married. I made every excuse in the book to myself and my family. He quit his job in the meantime. I supported our family on my own. And continued to make excuses for him. He has become clean a couple of times in tbe 5 years. Which is no joke dealing with someone coming off of meth. Only to relapse every time. He said he can do it alone he doesn't need counseling. It took me awhile to figure out he's a dang good liar! He ended up cheating on me I left him for a few months and I just wasn't strong enough to stay gone I believed the lies AGAIN. He got a job so I thought things were looking up..... I ended up pregnant with my son. (It wasn't planned but he and my daughter keep me going.) I've caught him texting other girls still and of course it's nothing like that. He's always been insecure and has accused me of cheating on him as far back as I can remember. I've always been faithful. I've always put up with it. Now the insecurities and verbal abuse has escalated to the point where he really believes I'm cheating and wants me to admit that I am. He calls me ugly names we fight constantly I feel like I'm always defending myself. He's angry because I won't be intimate with him. Who would want to be intimate with someone that treats them badly. He's always saying he's gonna kill himself he's done this for years now. I used to freak out and go looking for him only to find him asleep or on his phone. He's gotten to the point where he threatens suicide daily. And tells me it's all my fault. He's even wrapped a cord around his neck but waits til I see him and beg him to take it off. And can stand there and have a conversation with me with a cord wrapped in his neck. Manipulation at it's finest. Of course there is always that thought in the back of my mind that someday he will do it. I can go on and on with the stories. Its been a rough 5 years. Its hard being a sober person living with an addict. I'm just so tired my daughter begs me to leave him. But he is so intense if i stay he will continue to make our lives hell and if go he will make our lives hell. I try to tell myself it's not him it's the drugs but I'm tired of making excuses......

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by SDIN2T » Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:03 pm

Welcome to the forum.

Your story is familiar and is a good example of living in the chaos of addiction. One of the Naranon slogans (The 3 A's) comes to mind: Awareness, Acceptance and Action. The description of your situation seems to show your Awareness of the problem and perhaps some Acceptance also.

No one can tell you what to do, but you'll have to define what the Action will be. Ask yourself how much more can you take? What kind of life do you wish to have for yourself and your children?

Keep coming back
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by MarieW » Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:08 pm

Welcome to the Forum. Today can really be the first day of a new kind of life. Keep reading and posting. Read all the posts under Announcements to learn more about Nar-Anon, the Forum, and our on-line meetings. Order the SESH Book (Sharing our Experience, Strength and Hope). You can get it on Kindle and start reading today on your reader, computer or phone. Find a face to face meeting (Nar-Anon ro Al-Anon_) when you're ready.

When I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I stopped waiting for the addicts in my life to change and started to change my own life.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by Ma1954 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:18 pm

Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. Keep coming back. Hugs. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by Lyra » Tue Jan 30, 2018 8:32 pm

Thank you for sharing and welcome, you are in the right place! I came here back in 2012 because of an angry, abusive, manipulative, lying boyfriend addict. He would always tell me he was going to quit, but he never took it seriously enough to actually stop and in the meantime I chose to stay around very miserable and abusive situations. Verbal and occasional physical threats and abuse were far too common. I felt desperate and I tried all kinds of things to try to get him to stop and to be a nice person but no luck. Finally I ran out of excuses and realized that I AM worthy and that I deserve a good life, a better life. Leaving him saved my life. I had to take out a restraining order when he stalked me and I had to leave the business we had started together and start over again from scratch on my own but my life is wonderful now and I look back and wonder why did I wait so long? But I am happy that I did come here, find my self worth and make my life happy and peaceful. I put in a lot of hard work to get there but it was worth it. I got a sponsor, attended many meetings online here and worked the 12 steps. My exaddict died in a head on car crash November 2017. I could have been in the passenger seat but I wasn't. I'm sorry he died before he found peace but I am glad that I chose peace and happiness. We all deserve it and I learned the hard way that I cannot Control, Change or Cure (The Three C's is what we call this) the addict in my life, but I could Control, Change and Cure me and my life. Keep coming back!

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:39 pm

I’m so glad you’ve found this forum. I hope you find it as helpful as I have the past several months. My AH brought me here. I understand your story and feel your pain. I had to implement stiff boundaries to protect my children and myself from the damages of an addicted loved one. It doesn’t resolve the situation. It’s been the most difficult process and circumstances I’ve ever found myself in. I haven’t given up on my husband. My hope is for health, happiness and reconciliation. I didn’t abandon my husband - he chose this for himself and therefore us too. I wish I could change his choices. I wish I could hit the undo button and do things differently but what could I have done?

I’m learning to control the things I can and trust God (my higher power) with the things I can’t control. I’ve strengthened my relationship in Him and know His plan is greater than my own.

Take care of you and the kids....implement boundaries where necessary to protect your family. You got this!!

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by MissingHim2016 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:56 pm

Welcome Omar! So glad you're here for YOU! You are not alone. Hugs.

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by slm219 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:21 pm

Welcome and oh my are not alone. And do not ever have to be.....this Forum is open 24 hours and is a very welcoming and safe place to come. My AS brought me to these walls over 3 years ago. After trying everything and then some.....I finally learned the only person I could change was me. So...I set out to work on me and slowly (doesn't happen quickly) I have found a different more peaceful way to live. As another has mentioned.....I became "sick and tired of being sick and tired".

Keep coming back and working on YOU. You are worth it.
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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Re: new here. need to hear I'm not alone

Post by rosegold » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:09 pm

You are NOT ALONE! Within this forum, you will find all the wisdom you need - keep coming back! We are right here with you!

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