New here hello

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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FaithTX
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:39 pm
option_firstname: Christine

New here hello

Post by FaithTX » Sun Jan 28, 2018 6:00 pm

Just a quick hello. I’ve been reading a lot and this seems like a great support system.

I have an 18 year old senior that just finished a program for anxiety and depression. It should’ve been 2 weeks but they extended it to 3weeks. It wasn’t until after she was done that she explained that the reason she keeps lying and sneaking and smoking marijuana is because she feels it works better than medication for her anxiety. I find myself in a lot of these posts. Constantly vigilant, constantly wondering what she’s doing and if she’s lying.

Her program was not focused on her drug use, but I feel now that’s a big part of her problem. Our relationship has really suffered by my constant nagging snooping and trying to give boundaries and consequences for her behavior. If she was older I’d probably insist she get a job and find her own place to live. But at this point I want to be supportive so that she can at least graduate. She claims she wants to head out to college in the fall, but I’m only willing to help with community college for now. The girl she wants to room with at this college is also a regular user.

I’ve sort of lost myself and not focused on her younger brother as much as I should have. Her ups and downs and constant drama have put a lot of stress on our entire family. I hope that by reading more I can find ways to improve things for my hubby son, her, and me.

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MissingHim2016
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Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2016 10:27 pm
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Re: New here hello

Post by MissingHim2016 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:32 pm

Welcome Faith. So glad you're here for YOU! Three C's: didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. Hope you keep coming back.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: New here hello

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:14 pm

Glad you’re here! I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have the last few months. The crazy train is a difficult one to ride - glad I’m learning through the others here and the program how to ride a different train... One that leads to peace, serenity and happiness.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

Ma1954
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Re: New here hello

Post by Ma1954 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:01 am

TYFS. I am sorry this is happening to your family. My son has anxiety. The school counselor had me go to the doctor "before he starts self medicating" Well the regular doctor sent me to a neurologist. They would not give him anything. I took him to counseling, there never was anything wrong. He did start self medicating with vodka and pot. This was at about 14 years old. I never saw anything. I never believed he would do anything like that. I always defended him. The queen enabler. At 24, he is now in rehab, a recovering heroin addict. His life is destroyed. I am at a loss as what to do next. If it wasn't for the SESH I read on this site, I think I would be in the looney bin. Thank goodness for the many slogans like "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it." I am working on turning it over to my Higher Power (God). There are good books to read on the naranon site. SESH and Naranon 36. I am going to a F2F meeting today....for me, because my life matters. Keep coming back. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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jhelpmom
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Re: New here hello

Post by jhelpmom » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:22 pm

I understand all too well the need to monitor, trust, and control the behavior and actions of my kids. If I had known that my now RAS had been self medicating his depression and anxiety for 7 years starting when he was 16 it might have saved him and our family much pain (not to mention 3 crashed cars and $100,000 outstanding in property damage. He is now 25, quickly approaching the age when we can no longer insure him, appropriately medicated for him mental conditions, living in a sober group home, and working a menial job that barely pays his rent and food. I know where he is; I know he's sober and for today that has to be enough for me. I'm grateful he lets us into his life and that we get to see him. I wish you well on your journey.

FaithTX
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:39 pm
option_firstname: Christine

Re: New here hello

Post by FaithTX » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:15 pm

Thanks so much. The three C’s is new to me and very helpful. I blame myself and she also blames me for her depression. She claims that My pointing out ways she can do better and checking in too much is “why she’s depressed” but I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ve done my best. The greatest comfort to me recently came in the meeting with her counselor when she assured me that I AM a good mom or I wouldn’t care. I have struggled with anxiety and depression myself, and grew up with pretty significant emotional abuse so I was terrified that I would harm my kids in the same way. Yes, sometimes I lose my patience and say things I shouldn’t, but I’m human and I can’t akways bite my tongue in the face of lying and verbal attacks (which she does very successfully at times to get us to back off.)

crushed1
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Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:52 pm
option_firstname: Sandy

Re: New here hello

Post by crushed1 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 11:05 pm

I am also very new and have a 20 yo AD. She was intensively shy young girl with anxiety showing at a very young age and never learned how to manage intense feelings. I'm convinced this is directly associated with her vulnerability to addiction. If you ever feel the need to reach another mother with an AD/S please feel free to contact me.

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