Wide Awake

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
Ma1954
Posts: 207
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am
option_firstname:

Wide Awake

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 3:10 am

I am sitting here wide awake. Besides being worried about my son (ALO) constantly. My husband just woke me up screaming it's cold in here. Saying it was like being out on the street. I hurried and built a fire. But I'm sort of mad at him now (it's 2 am). He is making my son be homeless in this awful weather. I live in the Poconos. I can't have my son here because my husband hates him. When I help my son my husband threatens to kick me out. He has a really wild temper. My son is not innocent in this. He has broken all our rules. We can't live with my son. There aren't any homeless shelters. It seems like there is no help. I am just ranting. Sorry. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Claytonmomof2
Posts: 73
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:01 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Wide Awake

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 9:31 am

I’m sorry that you are going through this.

No experience to share but I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. Unfortunately addiction abides by no rules... I often think of my AH coming back home before he seeks treatment and the idea of living with active addiction under the roof again terrifies me. I miss my husband tremendously and fear for his safety.

Prayers for your son and family! May his HP wrap him in love and warmth.

User avatar
whitedove
Posts: 57
Joined: Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:53 am
option_firstname:

Re: Wide Awake

Post by whitedove » Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:14 am

I too am sorry you are going through this. It breaks my heart hearing that your son may be cold and without shelter.
We are going through a tough time here too. My husband has a hair trigger temper and I am just about fed up with dealing with him and our AS who is presently staying with us. My husband is dealing with our AS much like his father dealt with the ALO's in his family.....ie....get angry, shout, lay down stupid rules and control with an iron fist. Sometimes its just hard. I am presently disengaged by pouring myself into work....sigh....hoping the new year brings a little more cheer.

User avatar
SDIN2T
Posts: 732
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:13 pm
Location: Desert SW
option_firstname: JR

Re: Wide Awake

Post by SDIN2T » Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:25 am

An addict has a choice to abide by the boundaries that are set, or to not abide. There are consequences for each decision the addict makes. I know plenty of people at my F2F meetings that gave their addicts a choice and let them decide. The addict can choose to follow the boundaries or they can chose not too.

Those of us that love an addict also have choices. We can detach and still love our addicts. We can accept them for who they are and where they are in life. Or we can hang on to them and get dragged along in their addiction, losing our money, our homes, our self worth, our identity, and the ability to live a happy, peaceful life.

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

Dannie
Posts: 259
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:58 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Wide Awake

Post by Dannie » Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:58 am

I gave my AS a choice to live at home for one year and get on his feet (last year after rehab) or live somewhere else. I had to do that because for ten years we were on the crazy train with him. He decided to relapse and leave. He was literally on the street off and on for one year. He told me recently that he spent many nights last winter out in the cold weather with nowhere to go. He never asked to come home though because it wasn't an option anymore. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. My husband has a different way of looking at things than I do so for years I tried to help my AS and it was not good for my marriage but I did it anyway. I know I shouldn't have. His philosophy was that he'll help anyone who is willing to help themselves and if we let out AS hit rock bottom then he'll want help. If he starts trying to get sober and working etc. we would help him. I just couldn't accept that knowing my AS was out there suffering.

I found Nar-Anon one year ago and I changed my attitude. It gave me strength to love from a distance, to stop feeling guilty for refusing the help my AS, to stop trying to find him out on the street to see if he was alive, and to detach with love. Let me say I do not practice these things perfectly and I have bad days but I feel that working my 12 steps the best that I can has helped me when I start reverting back to my old ways.

My AS called me two months ago and said he's had it and he wants to get help. He's been in rehab for two months again. I drove all day to pick him up miles amd miles away and took him straight to rehab and he's still there. Who knows if it'll work this time but I believe by letting him decide how he wants to live and to get sick and tired of being sick and tired (and he basically said that) that I helped him from afar finally go get help again.

I hope this helps because I know that feeling so well. That guilty feeling of being a mom but feeling like you're not protecting or helping your child. I believe I did help my AS by leaving him alone and letting him be an adult and make his own decisions. Like I said, it's the very hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But if it is really helping him, I'll do it over and over until he gets healthy. Best wishes to you and your son.

User avatar
grateful
Posts: 2927
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2015 10:06 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Wide Awake

Post by grateful » Sat Dec 30, 2017 6:08 pm

I lived with both a ranting & raving ex AH and later with a ranting & raving AS. I had to separate myself from all things addiction and all people ranting & raving. I couldn't do that without the help of both therapists and my 12 step group. Both my adult son and adult husband were making their choices and those choices came with natural consequences. I was also making choices that were affecting me badly and with help I learned to make better choices for me and my well-being. Keep coming back. We understand.
Seek beauty

Ma1954
Posts: 207
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am
option_firstname:

Re: Wide Awake

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 9:09 pm

Thank you people. The support and wisdom from you helps me so much. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Meemaw and 1 guest