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Don't want to live comments

Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:42 pm
by DeanW
My husband got an email from his son (43) that was full of suicide comments. Life is crappy comments...if life is like this then I don't want to live comments. Said he had considered suicide often. This is a single guy - making good $ - has a nice apartment - he went to rehab 2 years ago and says that he has not relapsed. We don't know as he lives 1000 miles from us. However, we did recently see him and he looked great. But, he complains about life - about everything. The first part of the email was about a dispute he had with the county in reference to a utility bill and all the things he said to the customer service rep, etc. And, this is normal for him, much complaining about everything everyone does.

Does anyone have any ESH to share? This wasn't a direct suicide threat as in "I am going to kill myself tonight" - had he said that I know what I would tell my husband. However, it was more ranting about what he felt like doing. I thought perhaps he was drinking or maybe a continuation of his angst and anger over the dispute I mentioned. But, suicide talk scares me.

My husband's response was thoughtful and kind but we are wondering if we should drive down there.

Re: Don't want to live comments

Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:20 am
by Ma1954
My son and husband were in a snowmobile accident 15 years ago. My husband was killed. My son was not. He wishes he was. He talks of suicide often. He wants to be with his Father. I had him in counseling when he was younger. Nothing helped. He self medicated. He has said he wants to kill himself so often that I don't take it seriously. Just a week ago, he said if he had his truck he would pin it into a tree instead of being homeless again. I guess this is why I am always paying for everything. I've run out of money. My son is going to be out of a place to live. Do I turn a deaf ear or do I charge another week at the motel? Do I worry about suicide? I do. I have given my son the suicide hotline number in the past. I have driven him past my counselor's office and told him that's where I go if something is bothering me. Maybe talking to someone would help your husband's son. Nothing has helped my son. But, he is not receptive to talking about things. I wish you well with this situation. Hugs, Sue

Re: Don't want to live comments

Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:00 am
by hope1
It is very difficult to hear our loved ones making statements regarding life not being worth living. Perhaps he is thinking about it a lot, perhaps he is just venting. There is no way to look into someone else's mind to figure out what they are thinking. My parents responded time and time again to my brothers suicidal talk. Unfortunately he did eventually end his own life but it certainly was not for their lack of trying to help him. You cannot make someone get help nor lock them up indefinetly to keep them safe. Sometimes a listening ear or directly asking what can we do to help is beneficial, sometimes no matter what we do, they have their own will and I have had to accept that I am powerless over things like suicide as much as I am powerless over addiction. Once I act in a fashion that any reasonable person would do, such as calling for assistance if i suspect imminent danger and encouraging that person to seek help, I have to step back. This kind of behaviour has been a big trigger for me when my AD has talked about suicidal feelings due to my having lost a sibling this way. I cannot control the outcome of other peoples lives and i have to place trust in my higher power that I will be given the grace and strength to deal with whatever comes my way.

Re: Don't want to live comments

Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:41 am
by Ronni
I've always viewed suicide somewhat like addiction, in that I have no actual control over the outcome. A person who really, truly, honestly wants to end their own life will find a way no matter how much intervention there is, just the same way an addict will find a way to use no matter how much rehab, intervention, supervision etc., there is going on.

I've seen it happen several times in my life. A couple had no connection to addiction that I'm aware of, just very depressed, very negative and hopeless individuals who finally ended things. One was an older man who was terminally ill, though had a long time left. But he just didn't want to deal with the pain and treatment and and such. Another was a much younger man who didn't talk about suicide a lot, just talked about his depression and hopelessness of things ever getting better. Quietly and with no warning and out of the blue other than his talk of depression, he took a bunch of pills. The other was my grandkids' step father who suicided a couple of years ago. That one was addiction related. He'd never spoken of suicide that I'm aware, but while out of his head on drugs and alcohol, he ended his life.

If you haven't already, give him the number of the suicide hotline. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. You can't make him call, but you CAN request that he put it in his phone.

Has your step son had any counseling? Is he on antidepressants? It sounds to me like he would benefit greatly from both. But again, if he's not willing to take those steps, then there's nothing you can really do. This is out of your control. I'm sorry :(

Re: Don't want to live comments

Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 5:42 pm
by grateful
When I read your thread, what came to me was your stepson's apparent pain and the desire to be heard. Truth be told, there have been times when life hasn't seemed worth living to me. Those thoughts & feelings passed as do all thoughts and feelings. What helped me was being heard by a friend who shared their own E/S/H with me. It didn't change anything on the outer for me but it did give me a sense I wasn't alone. There were others who felt the same way I did from time to time.

Re: Don't want to live comments

Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:00 pm
by HollyTx
Yes, DeanW, suicide talk IS scary.

If someone makes comments to me, I directly ask them, "Are you thinking of committing suicide?" and if they say yes, then I follow with, "Do you have a plan?" If I get a yes again, I will give them the local or national suicide hotline number and then I will reach out to a social service agency. I don't want the responsibility of somebody's life. That's too much for me. If they are too far away and sound really bad, I can always call the local emergency services or the police and ask for a welfare check.

Keeping you and your son in my thoughts,

Holly