Tattletail

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
MIA5
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:34 am
option_firstname: MIA5

Tattletail

Post by MIA5 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:09 pm

Has anyone reported/told on someone? Part of me wants to report the guy who sells to my husband. I was thinking if his "service" is disrupted it may be an opportunity for him to clean up? This could be way wrong I don't know. I do know that his seller is on probation for possession. Also, the dealer was granted a medical license after that conviction. So for him to be selling medical is a pretty big deal. Whatever my husband has been getting from him has turned him into a monster and our marriage and family is falling apart because of it.

User avatar
DianeB
Posts: 2922
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:04 pm
Location: Southwest Georgia
option_firstname: Diane

Re: Tattletail

Post by DianeB » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:24 pm

You have to do what you have to do.

We all do.

No one can tell you what is right for you.

The only thing I would say is that when I am faced with a huge decision, I need to examine my motives.

I wanted so badly to turn in the dealer my son used. I knew of one. But there were others. Rarely does an addict only have one source of drugs. So I needed to consider why I was doing this. If my reason was to hope to cut off the supply from my son in hopes he would miraculously change his ways, I was waaaay off base. He was the one with the addiction and he would only find another source. I would be left disappointed and angrier.

If my reason was to get someone I considered to be a "bad" person off the streets, I had to consider why I felt like I was a one man street cleaner. Would it stop the flow of drugs, would it get him off the streets? Probably not. It wouldn't help me and I have no doubts that karma is in play here somewhere and the dealer would feel it eventually. Not saying that we shouldn't be advocates, but how do we advocate. Stopping the flow of drugs to my son was impossible, but advocating for his recovery was not.

My reason was anger. It was feeling completely helpless that I could not stop my son from using. I wanted to strike out at who I thought was at fault....but that wasn't the dealer. It was my son.

The one thing I can practically guarantee is that taking one dealer out of the picture will not stop an addict from finding their drugs.

What will bring you peace? What action will feel right for you?

Hoping you have a meeting to go to to share your fears and concerns. Go to nar-anon.org and see if there is one in your area. It helps.

MarieW
Posts: 2438
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by MarieW » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:38 pm

I understand the need to do something, anything, to make our addicted loved ones stop using. I think it is part of our nature, fight or flight and all that...

I used to think that something outside my son would get him clean. A doctor, or a treatment program or a court order, or me. I thought if i could just do one more thing, that would be IT and he wouldn't use anymore. After some time in this program, I began to realize that my responsibility was misplaced. His life, his choices. My life, my choices. I choose to let go.

Drugs and drug dealers are everywhere. But so are NA meetings.

When I feel the overwhelming need to do something to control my ALOs, I find a meeting, or go out and do something I like to do.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

User avatar
Jade11
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:58 pm
Location: Midwest
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by Jade11 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:05 pm

Yes, I've thought of doing this. I also thought of calling and threatening dealers when finding the number on my AH's phone. I've even been so desperate in my desire to stop my AH using... that I seriously considered going down to where his dealer was and confronting him in person. Thank my HP I did not do that!
In the end I didn't do any of these things. My AH is going to buy and use if he chooses to. It is not the one dealer... there many others to take his place. It is not one area of town or one area of the country... my AH finds a new dealer anywhere. Even on vacation when we were several states away from home, my AH found a dealer, bought drugs, and used.
Trying to investigate dealers and deleting numbers in AH's phone kept me spinning in the insane world of trying to control my AH's addiction.
Reality is my AH is the one makes that choice. He can halt his drug use by working hard at his recovery program. Only he can do that.
When I find myself getting sucked off into finding "solutions" for his addiction, I go back to the basics.
I didn't Cause it; I can't Control it; I can't Cure it.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanageable.
What helps me is attending a 12-step meeting, focusing on self care, taking it one day at a time.

Keep coming back xx

Claytonmomof2
Posts: 81
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:01 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:27 pm

A few things that have transpired in my life recently:

My husband is not currently residing with the kids and I but instead residing with enablers/users he has chosen over his family. Tough situation to handle but these are his choices. Now he's realizing that they weren't the best and he's trying to figure out how to get myself out of that situation (months later) but we'll see.... In the process of this journey he would show up to our house intoxicated in the middle of the night numerous times. The last time he did, I called 911 when he left to report a dangerous driver. There's no way he should have been driving on the roads but that wasn't a battle that I was willing to fight with him under those circumstances. They didn't catch him that time, but I'd call and report him again in a heartbeat.

I have family/friends that are aware of the situation...that are aware of the people that are enabling/selling to him that he's residing with. It's been reported numerous times with ample amounts of detail to support it. Nothing has happened in months about it - I'm not sure if the police are just trying to build their case which can take some time...trying to get supporting evidence, trying to get undercover people in there, or just simply are too overwhelmed with the opioid crisis that they aren't even attempting?

I guess the bottom line is that even if you are to report it, it's not necessarily an immediate or guaranteed possibility of the people getting caught. My issue lies within my husband and not any of these people....and the issue actually isn't even mine although I'm impacted considerably. He will find the things he's addicted to wherever he wants. Where there's a will - there's a way. And if he can't find one thing then he'll settle for another thing he's addicted to. It's actually the same for the mistress he's chosen as well. My issue isn't even with her either. I have nothing to even say to her... the issue lies with my husband and only he can fix it.

Rhonda
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:42 am
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by Rhonda » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:42 pm

I've found numbers and been places I later found out were dealers. I asked a cop friend how to report them. He said don't bother. The law already knows who they are. They are doing all they can. Also it could endanger me and I don't want those people coming after me.

I wanted to do it to punish those that I blamed for hurting my baby. I still blame them, but they see her part too. I want to stop it. I don't think that's going to stop it.

DeanW
Posts: 1586
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:58 am
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by DeanW » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:13 pm

A friend of mine reported dealers that her daughter was involved with over and over. She knew a detective and they actually worked together trying to set up the daughter and the dealer. Long story - crazy story - My friend was desperate, of course and was willing to do - to try - anything....and she did.

It didn't work that time or the many other times she turned others in, etc.. Her daughter's awful experiences continued for several years until she just said - enough. And, she's been clean for about five years. But, my friend will tell you - her escapades with her friend the detective didn't have any involvement in her daughter's sobriety.

User avatar
MIA5
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:34 am
option_firstname: MIA5

Re: Tattletail

Post by MIA5 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:45 pm

Thank you all for sharing. I'm just so frustrated and hurt. I want my husband back :(
He's here living in our home but he is so detached. Everything was fine until his buddy got that medical license in 2015. He has no one else to get his junk from but this one person. The other people he (my husband) associates with get it from my husband! This whole thing, all of it just makes me feel sick and drained some days. Egads why can't he see that what he's doing is so destructive! I guess I'm grabbing at straws now trying to hold on and find a way to fix him when I should be learning how to let go. I want so badly to run downstairs and hug him and tell him that I love him right now but I know It won't make him change his mind about getting high and higher and higher :( which by the way...how high can a person get anyway? He constantly smokes this garbage! I'm rambling and venting, I'm sorry. Have a good night and thank you all for sharing with me, your thoughts are helpful and much appreciated.

Idontknow
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:55 pm
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by Idontknow » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:50 pm

I've often thought about this. I've seen my AH's dealer drive up to our apartment and I've been tempted so often to take down the number and call the police. We even have a policeman who lives in the apartment across the hallway (definitely not a deterrent). But I never have. And never will since I'm concentrating on me. I can't cure my AD.

Ma1954
Posts: 207
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am
option_firstname:

Re: Tattletail

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:24 am

Yeah, I agree you don't want them coming after you.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

User avatar
MIA5
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:34 am
option_firstname: MIA5

Re: Tattletail

Post by MIA5 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:18 pm

You all are right. Thank you for your support and advice.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests