I am new here but seems my story is familiar.

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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KerrysMom
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Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:53 pm
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I am new here but seems my story is familiar.

Post by KerrysMom » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:34 pm

Hi
I found this site over the holidays as I was drowning in grief over my addicted daughter I guess you use AD. She lives on the west coast and I am in the east, she did call on the 25th and I felt so relieved, its weird how just a call can lift me up, she sounded ok, was in shelter was waiting for a recovery bed. I then felt pathetic, here I was waiting for some shred of contact from her, she is 23 now and has been using drugs since she was 14. I left her dad when she was 3.

She moved in with her Father at 14, easier to use drugs with him, he even allowed her to use heroin in his home. I have sought help thru an addiction counsellor ever since but moved away 3 years ago and feel like I'm drowning in fear for her. Her drug of choice is heroin and she has od'd many times, she is in DTES Van and most of the drugs are fentanyl. She was clean for a year, I flew out to celebrate last October, day after the celebration she went back to using for a few months, lost her job, her place to live, went into hospital, then was clean almost 6 months living in recovery home then, back on maybe a month now. Its hard to say as she doesn't have contact with me when she is using.

I pay her phone bill, I find myself tracking her usage and when she last used the phone, sometimes its for days. I assume she is dead. So, today marks 2 days with no phone usage. I refuse to contact the person she communicates with almost exclusively, he is likely a dealer. I guess I just wanted to vent that to someone. My youngest daughter is 21, she just completed treatment for Hodgkins Lymphoma, Kerry came out in August was sober and doing well. Her sister's last treatment was Dec18th, I booked her a flight home, and a week before called me with the line, lost my wallet no id cant board the plane...so I cancelled the flight. I have to learn how to not allow her addiction to rule my life and my youngest daughter, who is better at detaching than I am. It is very upsetting for younger one to see me distraught over her sister. I am attending my first meeting tomorrow. Thank you for the opportunity to vent.

hope1
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Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2016 1:09 pm
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Re: I am new here but seems my story is familiar.

Post by hope1 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:44 pm

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for all that you are dealing with in addition to your younger daughters illness. I to have an AD who is now in recovery although it has been a rocky road. She came from a loving home with parents who adored her and we did our job. Addiction however knows no bounds and it took the child we knew and turned her into a monster someone we barely recognized and we felt ashamed. That was before i sought out support for myself and learned the three C's . I did not cause it, I cannot cure it nor control it. I spent alot of mental energy tracking my daughter exactly as you described, checking facebook to see if she was still alive and waiting for that dreaded call. I lived in fear of what the future might hold and it held me hostage. It still does some days when i allow myself to start worrying about what if this happens, what if that happens. When i work at taking one day at a time one moment at a time then i have a better grasp on my own sanity. If something happens to her all my worrying and futureizing is not going to change the outcome. I will just be a wreck living in despair. That is not living. I have learned to trust in my higher power and accept that he will be there to support me with whatever i have to face. Where there is life there is hope.

Suejan
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Joined: Sun May 17, 2015 11:53 pm
Location: BC Canada
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Re: I am new here but seems my story is familiar.

Post by Suejan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 2:46 am

Welcome kerrysmom, sorry for what brought you here but glad you found us. My 24 year old AS is in the same city, with some light in the tunnel. i private messaged you some info.
Take care, and hang in there! You are in a safe place here.
Susan

Dannie
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Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:58 pm
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Re: I am new here but seems my story is familiar.

Post by Dannie » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:16 pm

Welcome. Yes, the stories are familiar and we can all relate. I hope you find this group as helpful as I have. It really is the only thing helping me through this last year with my AS. Sometimes I just read and sometimes I post but it's so helpful to sit down when I'm feeling vulnerable and upset and read others wisdom and true care and concern for each other. Glad you found Nar-Anon. :)

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